Good sex without orgasm? - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #91 of 126 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 02:18 PM
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Ump, your wife may have a domme inside of her...or she may just be a top. She may be a switch as jld said. Or she may just like to be a little bossy sometimes. Or she may just enjoy feeling powerful.

But she's not fully aware of it herself yet. It's not like she had it all sorted out for herself and is hiding her true sexual identity from you. She's coming into herself, she's not all the way there yet. So it would probably be pointless to ask her "hey baby do you want to spank me?"

Even if she is a natural dominant, she may not want to spank you. The punishment thing isn't a universal appeal for all dominants.

Hopefully you two can learn about her inner sexual self together and bring it out of her slowly and carefully. I don't suggest you dive into anything or assume you or even she knows where she will want to go in her sexuality.

But you can be playful and have fun as you explore her interests.

Things like...if she tells you to do something, whether a sexual thing or not, you could look her directly in the eye and say "yes mistress". Don't do it in a submissive way, do it in a sexy way.
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post #92 of 126 (permalink) Old 09-02-2016, 03:53 PM
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Wink Re: Good sex without orgasm?

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Ump, once again our wives are eerily similar!

Mine seems only too happy to have sex without orgasm. We've talked about this over the 27 years we've been married. She rarely has PIV orgasm. She reliably can orgasm from oral, but she rarely lets me go down on her! Typically only when we are in a hotel.

When I've asked why she doesn't let me bring her to orgasm orally every night, she just replies that PIV feels great to her even without orgasm. She loves the feeling of being filled up and enjoys the closeness and giving me pleasure.

At times she also will plead with me to F@@k her hard and fast. It's like she craves it. I thought this was hormonal, but I've never been able to pin down the timing of these events.
My LD wife, typically will 3 out of 4 times orgasm and the 1 in 4 she just doesn't want to. But as your W said mine says she really likes the feeling of closeness and giving me pleasure. This also pleases me and emotionally bonds me to my wife, so I think it is great.

Mine isn't into the "hard and fast" per se, but she does often really enjoy it when I get really aroused. It is often as if she feeds off my sexual arousal. She seems to like it when she has aroused me to the point that she isn't sure what I will do. We have talked about this.

It could be a playing with fire kind of thing or a going on a roller coaster that you know will scare you, but is a safe kind of thing.

Good luck to you and Ump and yes, "enjoy the ride"
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post #93 of 126 (permalink) Old 09-03-2016, 07:32 AM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

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Several women in my life occasionally asked for and liked being ravaged hard and fast with no real expectation of the "Big O!"
Exactly. It's been happening since the dawn of time and will continue to happen.

I think it's a REAL stretch to assume that she "possibly had an orgasm and didn't know it" just because she wanted to switch it up and have it fast and hard for a change. In fact, it's my suspicion that part of her reason for wanting to do it that way was to hurry the OP along although she probably would never admit to it. LOL.

Just being honest.
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post #94 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-21-2016, 10:31 AM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

My wife and I have both learned that while she can enjoy sex on occasion without an orgasm that, over time, if she cant regularly have orgasms she will become very frustrated. This results in her having zero interest in orgasm-less intercourse and her frustration can reach levels where it impacts her far beyond just in the bedroom.
So for her anyways having orgasms is very important.
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post #95 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-21-2016, 10:44 AM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

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My wife and I have both learned that while she can enjoy sex on occasion without an orgasm that, over time, if she cant regularly have orgasms she will become very frustrated. This results in her having zero interest in orgasm-less intercourse and her frustration can reach levels where it impacts her far beyond just in the bedroom.
So for her anyways having orgasms is very important.
Yup. Same here. Occasional sex that doesn't result in an orgasm for me is fine. I wouldn't call it good sex, but it can be enjoyable. Having sex without orgasm say 2 out of 5 times? I'd get very frustrated, become cold and distant, at best, and a b!tch on wheels, at worst.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #96 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-21-2016, 04:36 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

I have been with some women with this problem and have successfully made them orgasm. I first ask them to mastrubate for me, either with their hands or a toy. I watch carefully to see what they do and how they do it. If they can orgasm from masturbating, they are capable of orgasming during sex. After I watch I ask them to tell me what they like done to them and any fantasies they have that they would like to try. I put them at ease by mentioning some kinky stuff other women asked me to do so by comparison, theirs looks tame. I also believe in a lot of foreplay and oral before intercourse. The last women I was with that had this problem took me an hour but she finally had her orgasm.

Although some women like the hard thrusting of intercoures, many get their orgasms from clitoral stimulation. I always have a vibrator handy that they can place on their clitoris during intercourse. I also encourage them to play with themselves too. I tell them to forget about my pleasure and just work on having an orgasm so their focus on solely on that and not split between her and me. I have had to work hard a few times with women who never orgasmed during sex with another but I always got them there and after that, the problem was getting them out of there.

My ex fiancee had a very hard time reaching orgasm. Sex was a long arduous chore after a few months. She always wanted sex but it took her a very long time to reach her orgasm. She is now married to a woman and the mystery is solved. True story. She called me up to apologize for cheating on me because she was searching for a man who could more easily make her orgasm. She found her.

I find that to have great sex you need to have great communication. Talk to her and find out what she really would like and if she was willing to use a vibrator or fingers while you have intercourse. Ask her to masturbate while you hold and watch her. Make note of how she makes herself orgasm and then you have an idea of how to do it.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality. Most accept whatever morality they are born into, much like religion and then somehow feel that theirs is the true path and are superior to others with different beliefs.
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post #97 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-21-2016, 05:20 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

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Talk to her and find out what she really would like and if she was willing to use a vibrator or fingers while you have intercourse. Ask her to masturbate while you hold and watch her. Make note of how she makes herself orgasm and then you have an idea of how to do it.
If you're with one of the fairly large number of women who will never have enough confidence in themselves, never mind trust in you, to even consider this, you're on a non-starter.

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post #98 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-22-2016, 03:38 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

My wife claims that her most powerful orgasms come from masturbation (vibe or bath faucet), but that her most satisfying orgasms are from PIV.

I would say that 90% of the time we have partnered sex, my wife has at least one orgasm. I can count on two hands the times in our nearly 30 years of marriage that she has had a stand alone orgasm without PIV (oral, manual, vibe, etc.).

I would be willing to forego some number of my own orgasms in order to give her more NSA orgasms without using my c0ck.

I challenged her to agree to have sex whereby we have to give each other an orgasm without PIV. She said she would strongly consider it.

Last edited by Buffon06; 10-22-2016 at 05:02 PM.
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post #99 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 10:57 AM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

If Mrs. Lurkster get naked & jump in a pile, we both want to have orgasm. Preferably, more than one each!

Her best O's, are after lots of warming up, and from oral. Oral is always the go-to thing!
She has O's from PIV, but not as intense, and it takes some more doing, and lasting, on my part. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't.
So if she had to forgo a specific act, it would be PIV.
No orgasm....what fun is that?

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post #100 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 05:59 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

I have to say that for me, seeing and hearing a man's pleasure is a HUGE turn on for me. It's one of the things that is vastly lacking in porn, either professionally made or amateur. If a man reacts to bj's, sex, jacking, even orgasming as if it's equally as exciting as taking out the trash, then it does very little for me. The giving in to the moment, to the pleasure, and losing yourself in it is one of the things that makes sexual experiences fantastic IMO. This could play a large part in what you're seeing in your wife, UMP.

And it DOES matter whether or not you're just acting the part. I like to see the real thing, not someone amping up vocal responses just for my benefit.

And yes there is a certain amount of power in controlling someone else's pleasure. It's not a power trip, per se, but there is an element there nonetheless. It always feels good to make someone else feel good.

I have to agree with others also - that sometimes I may not be able to achieve orgasm in a reasonable amount of time, and am too tired to bother trying to get there... there's a certain amount of freedom in just getting fvcked with abandon with no expectations vs. having to work at getting to the O. It's always better to have an O come naturally than to have to work hard to get it.

I also find it very interesting that Vinnydee is the only one who has really made specific mention of clitoral stimulation during sex (I know others mentioned oral). I know that it's possible to have an O with penetration alone for some women, but it seems to be not as common. I have never had an O without clitoral stimulation, and most of the women I know say the same (and perhaps, we just haven't been with the right men yet ). But what I have also heard is that a lot of women do not engage in clit stimulation, for whatever reason - I was once told that "women don't like to touch themselves down there" and I was incredulous. REALLY? Why in the hell not? I can understand if you were taught growing up that it was unsanitary or naughty... but at some point you'd have to get a clue. When I was young and inexperienced, I could only orgasm when on top... and it took awhile to realize it was because my clit was getting stimulated that way. After that I started rubbing my clit in other PIV positions and voila! I figured it out.
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post #101 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 06:27 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

Many men are very happy to do that for you during PIV. I'm always happy to do anything with otherwise unused body parts, as long as I don't need to bend like a gumby doll. It may take some feedback to let the know what you like, since that varies a lot.



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I also find it very interesting that Vinnydee is the only one who has really made specific mention of clitoral stimulation during sex (I know others mentioned oral). I know that it's possible to have an O with penetration alone for some women, but it seems to be not as common. I have never had an O without clitoral stimulation, and most of the women I know say the same (and perhaps, we just haven't been with the right men yet ). But what I have also heard is that a lot of women do not engage in clit stimulation, for whatever reason - I was once told that "women don't like to touch themselves down there" and I was incredulous. REALLY? Why in the hell not? I can understand if you were taught growing up that it was unsanitary or naughty... but at some point you'd have to get a clue. When I was young and inexperienced, I could only orgasm when on top... and it took awhile to realize it was because my clit was getting stimulated that way. After that I started rubbing my clit in other PIV positions and voila! I figured it out.
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post #102 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:40 AM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

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I also find it very interesting that Vinnydee is the only one who has really made specific mention of clitoral stimulation during sex (I know others mentioned oral). I know that it's possible to have an O with penetration alone for some women, but it seems to be not as common. I have never had an O without clitoral stimulation, and most of the women I know say the same (and perhaps, we just haven't been with the right men yet ). But what I have also heard is that a lot of women do not engage in clit stimulation, for whatever reason - I was once told that "women don't like to touch themselves down there" and I was incredulous. REALLY? Why in the hell not? I can understand if you were taught growing up that it was unsanitary or naughty... but at some point you'd have to get a clue. When I was young and inexperienced, I could only orgasm when on top... and it took awhile to realize it was because my clit was getting stimulated that way. After that I started rubbing my clit in other PIV positions and voila! I figured it out.
I have g-spot orgasms, and clitoral orgasms.

G-spot orgasms are sometimes referred to as vaginal orgasms...but to be honest, even then I am not sure we women are always talking about the same thing.

My clit-O's and G-O's are quite different than each other. I can sometimes have a blended one, which is quite amazing. I can much easier have each type separately from different types of stimulation.

G-spot O's are f*cking amazing. They can happen from PIV but it is not very easy. They happen reliably from fingering. He can press me in just the right spot with his fingers but not always with his penis.

Clit-O's are amazing, too. They can happen from oral, manual or vibe. They do not happen from PIV. Since G-spot O's don't happen from PIV for me either, it it just something I am used to.

The thing is though..........

The feeling I get from PIV....from the thrusting....whether slow and gentle or fast and hard....I LOVE THAT FEELING. My eyes roll back in my head. I can have an out of body experience. I can get so into it that I am basically just flying in outer space. I want lots and lots and lots of it. Even though it never produces an O. Even though there is no real "climax". It can go on forever. And it is the height of arousal for me the whole time.

I love O's. I do. But I love having him inside of me even more than that.

I proposed the question about having O's versus PIV....in reality I don't have to choose. I get both. Not at the same time (without some effort and possible toy assistance). But I don't care about them being at the same time, either. I like the difference between this, that and the other.

But MOST of all.... I love PIV. I love him being inside of me. Even if I never got to O from it...this would still be my favorite part of sex.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #103 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-28-2016, 12:51 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

And see, since I've never had a purely PIV O, I have no frame of reference for that. I just know other people have said it happens to them. So whether it's a g-spot o or not I don't know. But yes, every O for me is different, there are varying levels and it always amazed my WH that I could have so many different ones - even if we did it the same way each time.

I have had g-spot O's too (but only in combination with rubbing my clit and PIV)... and you are so right, they are fcking amazing. Though it has happened only by chance, and more often than not, because of a dild0. He tried many times by fingering and never could get it to work. I always described g-spot o's as running up the hill and instead of cresting the hill and going over and going back down the other side (like ordinary o's), I stay up on that hill continually and keep riding the wave until one of us tires out. It's a high that you don't come down from. And given the right circumstances, it can make me squirt, though with a PIV, it's obstructed. But you know when it's happened because the ejaculate is so different from vaginal secretions.

I think a lot of women are like you, faithful wife, in that the thrusting alone is fantastic. It's always been my thought that the women who can't or don't o regularly at least find some satisfaction in PIV. And I only recently realized the difference in two of my dild0s, one has a more defined head and that makes a HUGE difference in the feeling.
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post #104 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 12:31 PM
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Let me first say that I cannot remember the last time my wife and I had sex when she did NOT have an orgasm.

So last night was Tuesday which is obviously sex night. I start slow with lots of foreplay, as usual. However, she kept pushing herself on to me to penetrate. Normally I have to take this step slowly because I am on the larger side of average.

She kept wanting me to go deeper and faster from the get go which is very unusual. After a time, I simply asked her point blank, "do you want me to f$ck you hard?" She said "yes, yes" so I gave her what she wanted.

Thing is, it did not seem she cared if she has an orgasm. She simply wanted to be f$cked.....HARD and FAST. I complied and she said that she loved it.

Can a women really enjoy sex like this WITHOUT having an orgasm?
Is it something that women might desire occasionally? Her response was "wow, that was really fun!"

I liked it too.
I can't speak for all women but for me yes most definitely!!! There have been many of times where I have enjoyed it whether not I have Orgasmed. My husband and I like to sneak off when we're in public For quickies and that has been some of the best and most satisfying sex I've had!
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post #105 of 126 (permalink) Old 10-29-2016, 01:05 PM
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Re: Good sex without orgasm?

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I also asked her if she wanted me to manually give her and orgasm after I came, and she said no.

So good sex is still good without and orgasm, providing you got some other stuff you wanted?

So sometimes you might want it slow and get an orgasm and other times just a good hard pounding without orgasm is ok too?

As a man, it's hard for me to understand why you would not want an orgasm and that it would be enjoyable without one.
YES!! I think its more about being in the moment. I can easily have an orgasm and 90% have 4-5 in a row but sometimes Im so revved up that I just want my husband to pound it. I rarely get off doggy style but its one of my favorite positions because it just feels good especially when my husband kisses and bites the back of my neck and sometimes I love when he pulls me back with my ponytail. We've always had an amazing sex life and its still going strong after 12yrs!
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