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Good sex without orgasm?

14K views 125 replies 34 participants last post by  jimrich 
#1 · (Edited)
Let me first say that I cannot remember the last time my wife and I had sex when she did NOT have an orgasm.

So last night was Tuesday which is obviously sex night. I start slow with lots of foreplay, as usual. However, she kept pushing herself on to me to penetrate. Normally I have to take this step slowly because I am on the larger side of average.

She kept wanting me to go deeper and faster from the get go which is very unusual. After a time, I simply asked her point blank, "do you want me to f$ck you hard?" She said "yes, yes" so I gave her what she wanted.

Thing is, it did not seem she cared if she has an orgasm. She simply wanted to be f$cked.....HARD and FAST. I complied and she said that she loved it.

Can a women really enjoy sex like this WITHOUT having an orgasm?
Is it something that women might desire occasionally? Her response was "wow, that was really fun!"

I liked it too.
 
#2 ·
Yes, I've heard some women say they like the feeling of a man they like inside them. It's not about scratching an itch. It's about the sensuality.

You're married 20+ years and doing all this? That gives me a glimmer of hope. Not all relationships turn dead after a decade or so.
 
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#5 ·
Yes, 25 years.
Actually, I think she would have preferred me to just rip her clothes off and just take her. She was pushing to get me inside so fast I could hardly grab the lube in time.

After 25 years I have a big problem trying this without lube because I don't want to hurt her. She has a difficult time telling me what she wants. Her actions just said "f-me, now"

I think sometimes she just wants to be taken, but I have to figure it out myself along the way. If I could read her mind, I would be in much better shape.:smile2:
 
#4 ·
I also asked her if she wanted me to manually give her and orgasm after I came, and she said no.

So good sex is still good without and orgasm, providing you got some other stuff you wanted?

So sometimes you might want it slow and get an orgasm and other times just a good hard pounding without orgasm is ok too?

As a man, it's hard for me to understand why you would not want an orgasm and that it would be enjoyable without one.
 
#6 ·
For me, no sex isn't good without an orgasm. Having said that, given menopause, having sex without orgasm doesn't mean it was bad sex.

But UMP what you describe is not necessarily orgasmless sex. Providing you lasted long enough, she may well have had an orgasm but because the activity level was so high, it felt different.
 
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#7 ·
I was hoping you would respond. She was really into it and just kept urging me on, so I did not last as long as I normally do.
It seemed to me that she just wanted to feel my passion.
She got off on seeing and feeling me "go to town" on her, as it were.

I did ask to finish her off with my hands but she just wanted to lie there with me inside for long time.

The problem for me is that I know nothing ahead of time. I have to evaluate the situation on the fly, which is very difficult to do.
 
#9 ·
Ump, I have great sex without orgasms all the time. I cannot O reliably from PIV. So I have just learned my body really well so I can always get an O if/when I want one. I can have multiple O's, of different types. And I can gush until I drench the bed. I know all the ways and means to get my O's.

So with a lover, I have to show them how to get me there, and I study how they like to get there, and then we see how our bodies line up and how to pleasure each other the most.

I'm never lacking O's.

Now the thing is though...I don't crave O's. I crave sex. I crave f*cking. I crave slow sensual love making. I crave pounding. I crave being on top and riding him into the sunset. I crave being tossed down on the bed and ravaged. Every possible way of having PIV sex...I crave all of it.

O's happen when I have had enough sex that my body demands a release finally.

If I'm not getting regular PIV sex, I don't even think of O's. I just think of sex constantly and feel miserable.

And please don't underestimate how much I do love O's. I just love sex so much more than O's that if I had to give up one or the other, it would definitely be O's I gave up.

In conversation, most lovers I have been with have agreed that the sex itself is more satisfying than the O's. The O is a short moment in time, a burst of extreme pleasure. But sex? Sex can literally take me to a place where I feel like I'm high on the best drug ever discovered. I swear I sometimes hear angels singing while I'm in that place.
 
#11 ·
I don't know if your wife feels the way I do or if women in general do either. But I have talked to plenty of women who have described loving sex itself in a way that I resonate with.

In my case, I can feel with my insides. Almost like the inside of your mouth can feel your finger or your tongue or an object. The first 3 or 4 inches inside me has extremely sensitive feeling and I can focus on it and really zoom down into the feeling. I can consciously clamp or suck on his member. Of course that's if we are going slow and sensual.

If he's pounding me, there's a whole different type of feeling and focus. It's more like jumping on a trampoline. It's an adrenaline rush. It's like surfing or skiing. So exhilarating and I never want it to stop.

Though of course reality sets in and you have to stop because the thrill is just so high that you will burst in flames if you don't stop eventually.
 
#17 ·
The point I was making was if I could only choose one:

O's by my own hand or a toy but never able to have sex again or...

Sex with a partner in anyway possible but could never O...

I'd take the sex. So would the lovers of mine who I've discussed this with. Because making love to each other (or f*cking each other's brains out) ultimately feels better and causes intimacy. Masturbation does not.
 
#19 ·
Your lovers were all lying. I can virtually guarantee you that.

No man would ever reject orgasms in favor of sex they could not have to completion.

I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy.
 
#26 · (Edited)
I'm just being real..... I apologize for offending as well. Perhaps I am in the minority?

Please, I implore any man in this thread to speak up now and tell me you would give up EVER having an orgasm again in exchange for a life of blue balls.

Please, someone back up all her lover's claims. Anyone? I'd love to hear your POV on the subject as a man.
 
#37 · (Edited)
Several women in my life occasionally asked for and liked being ravaged hard and fast with no real expectation of the "Big O!"

Having said that, if I know that I'm not destined to reach "Shangri-la," then just place the oral part of my cranium squarely between my loving SO's thighs and let's just say that they would pretty much need to serve a criminal warrant to even start evicting my busy a$$!

Now in my younger years, this prolonged act alone could very well have brought on a royal case of the "blue balls!"

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#93 ·
Several women in my life occasionally asked for and liked being ravaged hard and fast with no real expectation of the "Big O!"
Exactly. It's been happening since the dawn of time and will continue to happen.

I think it's a REAL stretch to assume that she "possibly had an orgasm and didn't know it" just because she wanted to switch it up and have it fast and hard for a change. In fact, it's my suspicion that part of her reason for wanting to do it that way was to hurry the OP along although she probably would never admit to it. LOL.

Just being honest.
 
#44 ·
'Can I have a satisfying sex life without orgasm?' - Telegraph


"Can I have a fulfilling sex life without orgasm?"

Yes, yes, yes!

In a word: yes. You get to define what a ‘fulfilling sex life is’.

If you never experience orgasm or only do so rarely – and, crucially, this does not trouble or bother you – then nobody should be making you feel like you have a problem.

If you experience pleasure, connect with your partner, do what you enjoy and feel satisfied, then it is not for anyone else to dictate that you should change that.
 
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#45 ·
As a woman...I WANT MY ORGASM.. I have even gotten upset when he slips before me.. saying "Da** it, I neeeeded that!".. I mean I know we'll just go after it again soon enough.. but still, in the moment.. I want it..


I surely understand craving the physical pleasure.. feeling his desire.. this is bonding.. it's emotional , its intimacy...I love it ALL, the ride getting there.... but still it's just better when it ends in that "exhilaration" together, collapsing in each other's arms..

I feel refreshed, they say hormones are released when we "O".. it's like a "high" - attaching ourselves more so to our lover... hopefully a little "after glow" before our guys fall asleep.. (I know mine does pretty quickly)..

I could see me being a very frustrated woman if I wasn't getting regular O's ... I can only speak for myself , of course.
 
#47 ·
Every now and then, sex without the o is fine (especially if I didn't initiate it). Can it be good? Yes, absolutely. While the o is the ultimate goal, sex also makes you feel connected and you can connect without the o. However, it's preferable to have the o. It's like wrapping a present. It looks all pretty and is certainly presentable that way. But adding a bow to the top just makes it complete.

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#49 ·
My current gf is like this. This is a very alien concept for men to grasp. I struggle with it as well.

The one before her was much more like this:

As a woman...I WANT MY ORGASM.. I have even gotten upset when he slips before me.. saying "Da** it, I neeeeded that!".. I mean I know we'll just go after it again soon enough.. but still, in the moment.. I want it..
Just two completely opposite ends of the spectrum.
 
#55 · (Edited)
Last night I sat and pondered my original post. I went through step by step in my mind on what happened Tuesday night.
Then it came to me. I don't think I f%cked my wife, I think SHE f%cked me.

After not having even touched each other for 4 days, I start out rubbing her back for a while and then she rolls over and starts giving me a wonderful bj. I go on to do oral on her. After a time she starts scooting herself over and starts grabbing my penis trying to insert it. I scramble for the lube and she grabs my penis and shoves it in while on her back, me on the side.

I start slow, but she pulls herself on me. After a time she forces herself on top of me pushing me on my back and starts riding the horse and tells me to f$ck her. After a time I cum and she just lays there on top of me for a long time.

I feel used. :)

You have to understand that my wife is the most unassuming, sweetest, kindest, vanillaist person on planet earth. Her sister actually told her that she "did not have a sexy bone in her body."

What's going on?

Did I do something wrong? Should I have been more aggressive or maybe she is a closet Dom and wants me to be submissive. WTF.
 
#56 ·
Last night I sat and pondered my original post. I went through step by step in my mind on what happened Tuesday night.
Then it came to me. I don't think I f%cked my wife, I think SHE f%cked me.

After not having even touched each other for 4 days, I start out rubbing her back for a while and then she rolls over and starts giving me a wonderful bj. I go on to do oral on her. After a time she starts scooting herself over and starts grabbing my penis trying to insert it. I scramble for the lube and she grabs my penis and shoves it in while on her back, me on the side.

I start slow, but she pushed herself on me. After a time she forces herself on top of me pushing me on my back and starts riding the horse and tells me to f$ck her. After a time I cum and she just lays there on top of me for a long time.

I feel used. :)

You have to understand that my wife is the most unassuming, sweetest, kindest, vanillaist person on planet earth. Her sister actually told her that she "did not have a sexy bone in her body."

What's going on?

Did I do something wrong? Should I have been more aggressive or maybe she is a closet Dom and wants me to be submissive. WTF.
Sure sounds like it. Lol. :D
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#68 ·
UMP, I just read that one thing sexually dominant women like is if you ask if you can orgasm. You might try that tomorrow night and see how your wife responds.
 
#70 ·
Well, that was kind of what prompted me to write this post. She basically pushed me down, got on top and was riding the hell out of me. I can't remember my exact words, but I "think" I did say "do you want me to cum?" or "I'm going to cum" because it was all happening so fast.

She said "yes, cum" and seemed completely satisfied afterwards. Afterwards I asked if she wanted me to manually stimulate her to orgasm and she said "no." That's the reason for my post. I did not understand how she could be so satisfied and NOT cum.....(as far as I could tell.)

She did say "wow that was fun!" After.

She just wanted to lay on top with me inside for quite awhile.
 
#69 ·
Just read something else interesting, about how a male submissive could see himself getting beat up by his Domme. It reminded me of the DV discussion from a few weeks ago.
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#84 ·
Ump, once again our wives are eerily similar!

Mine seems only too happy to have sex without orgasm. We've talked about this over the 27 years we've been married. She rarely has PIV orgasm. She reliably can orgasm from oral, but she rarely lets me go down on her! Typically only when we are in a hotel.

When I've asked why she doesn't let me bring her to orgasm orally every night, she just replies that PIV feels great to her even without orgasm. She loves the feeling of being filled up and enjoys the closeness and giving me pleasure.

At times she also will plead with me to F@@k her hard and fast. It's like she craves it. I thought this was hormonal, but I've never been able to pin down the timing of these events.
 
#85 ·
I don't know if you've read the last couple pages of this thread, but I'm possibly dealing with a sexually dominant female. For 25 years, I have been operating on the principle that the man must always be dominant in bed.

As an experiment I'm going to loosen the reigns a bit and see what happens.
 
#88 ·
What's with the labels? Why try to pin her down as a domme?

Just enjoy the ride. Yes, she f@@ked you, but that doesn't negate all the times she laid back and allowed you to ravage her.

Mine becomes an insatiable, sexual dynamo in a hotel room. It is somewhat dominant, but it's more about a sexual hunger than a power trip or control thing.
 
#89 ·
What's with the labels? Why try to pin her down as a domme?

Just enjoy the ride. Yes, she f@@ked you, but that doesn't negate all the times she laid back and allowed you to ravage her.

Mine becomes an insatiable, sexual dynamo in a hotel room. It is somewhat dominant, but it's more about a sexual hunger than a power trip or control thing.
It can help when he does research on the internet to find ways to spice up their sex life. Labels can be a shortcut, not a limiting factor.
 
#91 ·
Ump, your wife may have a domme inside of her...or she may just be a top. She may be a switch as jld said. Or she may just like to be a little bossy sometimes. Or she may just enjoy feeling powerful.

But she's not fully aware of it herself yet. It's not like she had it all sorted out for herself and is hiding her true sexual identity from you. She's coming into herself, she's not all the way there yet. So it would probably be pointless to ask her "hey baby do you want to spank me?"

Even if she is a natural dominant, she may not want to spank you. The punishment thing isn't a universal appeal for all dominants.

Hopefully you two can learn about her inner sexual self together and bring it out of her slowly and carefully. I don't suggest you dive into anything or assume you or even she knows where she will want to go in her sexuality.

But you can be playful and have fun as you explore her interests.

Things like...if she tells you to do something, whether a sexual thing or not, you could look her directly in the eye and say "yes mistress". Don't do it in a submissive way, do it in a sexy way.
 
#94 ·
My wife and I have both learned that while she can enjoy sex on occasion without an orgasm that, over time, if she cant regularly have orgasms she will become very frustrated. This results in her having zero interest in orgasm-less intercourse and her frustration can reach levels where it impacts her far beyond just in the bedroom.
So for her anyways having orgasms is very important.
 
#95 ·
Yup. Same here. Occasional sex that doesn't result in an orgasm for me is fine. I wouldn't call it good sex, but it can be enjoyable. Having sex without orgasm say 2 out of 5 times? I'd get very frustrated, become cold and distant, at best, and a b!tch on wheels, at worst.
 
#96 ·
I have been with some women with this problem and have successfully made them orgasm. I first ask them to mastrubate for me, either with their hands or a toy. I watch carefully to see what they do and how they do it. If they can orgasm from masturbating, they are capable of orgasming during sex. After I watch I ask them to tell me what they like done to them and any fantasies they have that they would like to try. I put them at ease by mentioning some kinky stuff other women asked me to do so by comparison, theirs looks tame. I also believe in a lot of foreplay and oral before intercourse. The last women I was with that had this problem took me an hour but she finally had her orgasm.

Although some women like the hard thrusting of intercoures, many get their orgasms from clitoral stimulation. I always have a vibrator handy that they can place on their clitoris during intercourse. I also encourage them to play with themselves too. I tell them to forget about my pleasure and just work on having an orgasm so their focus on solely on that and not split between her and me. I have had to work hard a few times with women who never orgasmed during sex with another but I always got them there and after that, the problem was getting them out of there. :)

My ex fiancee had a very hard time reaching orgasm. Sex was a long arduous chore after a few months. She always wanted sex but it took her a very long time to reach her orgasm. She is now married to a woman and the mystery is solved. True story. She called me up to apologize for cheating on me because she was searching for a man who could more easily make her orgasm. She found her. :)

I find that to have great sex you need to have great communication. Talk to her and find out what she really would like and if she was willing to use a vibrator or fingers while you have intercourse. Ask her to masturbate while you hold and watch her. Make note of how she makes herself orgasm and then you have an idea of how to do it.
 
#97 ·
Talk to her and find out what she really would like and if she was willing to use a vibrator or fingers while you have intercourse. Ask her to masturbate while you hold and watch her. Make note of how she makes herself orgasm and then you have an idea of how to do it.
If you're with one of the fairly large number of women who will never have enough confidence in themselves, never mind trust in you, to even consider this, you're on a non-starter.
 
#98 · (Edited)
My wife claims that her most powerful orgasms come from masturbation (vibe or bath faucet), but that her most satisfying orgasms are from PIV.

I would say that 90% of the time we have partnered sex, my wife has at least one orgasm. I can count on two hands the times in our nearly 30 years of marriage that she has had a stand alone orgasm without PIV (oral, manual, vibe, etc.).

I would be willing to forego some number of my own orgasms in order to give her more NSA orgasms without using my c0ck.

I challenged her to agree to have sex whereby we have to give each other an orgasm without PIV. She said she would strongly consider it. :smile2:
 
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