There was another thread started recently on this topic: How often do you?
My wife and I have averaged a couple times a month over the course of our 27-year marriage, with a few droughts of up to a couple of months. Since August we have been making love about once a week, sometimes twice. Most often we do it after the kids are in bed, late at night, with low or no lights. She needs to be completely relaxed to enjoy it and the thought that we might be heard by our youngest (13), who sleeps down the hall, can keep her from enjoying it completely. It almost always happens on the weekend rather than during the week. I think that's related to jobs, kids, and general stress levels during the week. Sunday nights tend to be THE night when we are most likely to make it happen. I believe that is related to the unwinding that occurs during the weekend along with the chance to spend more time together and the fact that our youngest has to be in bed early for school the next day. If we don't do it during the weekend, it almost never happens during the week that follows.
For my part, I have always had a higher libido and, though she knows I would like to have sex more often, with all of the obvious hindrances (school-age kids, demanding jobs, and plain old aging) it doesn't seem like it's ever possible for us to ramp up the frequency dramatically. Another possible factor is that my wife has been on medication for about 7 years that can reduce libido. To be honest, however, since we've never been the "every night" types, it is difficult to know if that has had an impact.
As a result, I frequently took matters into my "own hands" to help manage my frustration level. She recently expressed that she didn't like the fact that I was doing that--she felt it was taking away from my desire for her. While I don't think that has ever been the case, I agreed to go "cold turkey." The recent modest uptick in our activity has been good, but I am still left feeling anxious much of the time. About a week ago I told her that if I was to continue giving up my relief valve I would need more than once a week sex (especially if it slipped into less than once a week, which almost happened a couple weeks ago). One thing I told her is that I thought we both needed to think of our sexual relationship as a priority and not something we get to do if there's time and opportunity left over. She listened and seems willing work with me to find a happy medium. One recent result is that we actually had mid-week sex last night! Will we ever reach a point where both of us are completely in sync? I don't know, but I've decided I will no longer be complacent about my needs and I hope to create a stronger connection so that I can better understand how hers have evolved and are continuing to evolve.