CalifGuy

So, last night was the first time that my DW and I find ourselves having intercourse for the first time in nearly two weeks...between she and I being under the weather and the monthly visitor there had only been a couple times of oral and a couple handjobs since the last time we enjoyed intercourse.

Already, I am a little concerned last night because after a very hard workout, I am starving and end up taking her out to a casual dinner...casual, but still an hourlong dinner during which we are already both yawning...she tends to get grouchy when tired.

So, nice enough dinner, but then having done laundry, no bedsheets, comforter, etc., and more time and energy spent putting the bed back together, showering, etc., and by the time we get to bed, it is already nearly 10pm and we start our mornings early.

Trying to salvage it, I offer her a massage, light all of our candles (or, really, push the button as they are super cool little "candles" which are really just LED lights that are flameless candles but even flicker like candles) and proceed to give her a nice massage for maybe 15 minutes. Not sure if she was done with the massage or not, but when she flips from her stomach to back for some reason, I lunge at the opportunity and dive right in as I have been super hungry for her and I perform oral on her to completion.

Although I would love to keep going, she is super sensitive and only likes one orgasm per session, so, despite my best efforts, that is all I am going to enjoy of her orally, and she returns the favor. But, I am always cautious about her performing oral too long on me as I think she is going to get annoyed if I don't have intercourse with her after a couple minutes.

So, after maybe three minutes of oral, rock hard, I climb on top of her, and we are having sex for the first time in seemingly ages (probably 12 days) and this goes on for awhile, but, after a bit, I start to go soft. Unfortunately, she doesn't like to perform oral on me once I have already been inside her, as we tend to use plenty of lube and she doesn't like the texture or flavor of it. And, it is just a buzzkill for me to have to go rinse myself.

Anyway, at this point last night, she gets annoyed and starts lecturing me about this is what happens when I masturbate, blah blah blah, and I start back at her that if she would just blow me and not make a big deal about the lube, we would be able to keep going. She's upset, I'm upset and this whole thing went downhill in a hurry. This seems to happen about 1 out of 4, maybe 1 out of 5 times, although, again, my position is that if she would just blow me more, I'd be back at full staff and ready to complete the mission.

Well, I wasn't going to beg her for a blowjob or handjob at that point and went and rinsed, turned off all the candles, put on my boxers and pulled the covers over myself.

Typically, at this point, we'd go to bed angry at each other, but, instead, for the first time, she did something different...she cuddled up to me, said she didn't want to fight, caressed my chest, kissed me and proceeded to give me a nice blowjob, swallowed every drop and then we were both better to go to sleep at peace and in love with each other rather than upset at each other.

When I asked her what motivated her, she said that she had no energy to fight and would rather use her energy to bring us closer together. Although it has taken 3.5 years for this to happen, I do hope that this is a very positive step in our marriage.

Ended up spooning with her for an extra half hour this morning and looking forward to the weekend now that we are both at 100% again.

Something like this could be a positive lesson for both husbands and wives, alike, I think...make an effort, light some candles, touch your partner softly, be a giving partner, don't be judgmental and upset if your partner does not f*** like a porn star, take that extra step if it is going to help your partner climax, and then express gratitude to and for each other and carry it on into the next day.

that_girl

Nice! Glad it worked out.

But have you tasted lube? It's nasty.

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southern wife

But why so much lube in the first place? We don't use any lube, but own own "love" juices.

TallJeff

Agree here. Lube is necessary sometimes, but given that that you described performing oral on her until she had an orgasm, I would think she would be plenty wet and receptive from that.

romantic_guy

First of all, I am glad that you both had a happy ending!! I know that in our relationship in the past, it would have turned into a fight and me being passive-aggressive for a few days. Thank God we have grown past that.

I am just going to throw this out as a thought. I think I have come to a decision in my own life to stop masturbating and save it for her. In my fifties, I don't recover as soon as I used to. I realize that, for this to work, there needs to be frequent sex and I think (with a new approach to sex on my part) our sex life will get even more frequent. I will also take her hand-jobs instead when she is on her period (and boy...does she ever give great ones).

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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)

Prometheus Pyrphoros

As you said, I think the main point here is taking the extra step. Looking beyond petty, selfish things for a moment and doing something just for the SO. It can be more than worthwhile and rewarding.
So glad for you, wish you both all the best.

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Gloria in excelsis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis

CalifGuy

You and the others are probably right about the lube. While it may be helpful/necessary if I did not just perform oral on her, it is probably not necessary for vaginal sex following cunnilingus.

Just force of habit, I guess. Personally, I can tolerate the taste of lube but can see why she wouldn't like the taste.

CalifGuy

A lot of it also has to do with improved communication over the years. I think my DW likes knowing now that there are options...it doesn't always have to be sex (although that is what she prefers) but can also be just fellatio or even just a handjob, or, others times, nothing at all.

I can survive with nothing at all for a couple days providing we have had good sexual relations leading up to that point. But, if not, then there is a disconnect that is hard to ignore or sweep under the rug.

I hear what you are saying about skipping masturbation in order for better sex. Even at just 40 years old now, I think that in the last 3 - 5 years that I cannot perform the same way. Some of that also probably has to do with just being with the same partner for the 1,000th plus time as opposed to the initial fireworks that occur with a new(er) partner. That's not a slam on my DW as much as it is questioning the sanity of monogamy (is it any wonder that monogamy and monotony sound so close alike?).

In any event, it is always a positive thing when a couple can take that extra step to be good to each other and to please each other and I hope this is a practice that my DW and I can continue building upon.

that_girl

Wanted to add that some lubes make my husband go soft, so we stopped using them....it's the fancy ones we can't use. The "fun" ones LOL. We stick to astroglide.

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committed_guy

Have you guys considered using coconut oil for lube?
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tacoma

I keep hearing this.

This is the stuff you get in the grocery store right?

It`s a cake like bar or something that melts with body heat?

I`ve got to put that on the wifes shopping list.

committed_guy

There is 2 kinds, refined and not. The unrefined stuff smells more like coconuts but is cheaper. You can find it at Walmart in supplements section. Refined is a bit smoother, made for cooking, and melts at a higher temp. I found it at the grocery store. Make sure neither of you are not allergic before attempting to use it. Yes both kinds will melt in your hands. I take a small dish and heat it up in the microwave. It IS NOT condom compatible.
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romantic_guy

It is true that it takes some imagination and effort to keep the spark alive, but in our case, the sex has gotten better with time. After 39 years, we really know how to please each other. It is also that we have grown so emotionally close and that we connect on such a deep level. The fireworks change in shape and color and sometimes they are louder and brighter, sometimes not quite as intense but the fireworks are still there!!

__________________
The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)