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Your Experience with condoms in Marriage...

15K views 76 replies 36 participants last post by  badsanta 
#1 ·
@ThisIsAUserName mentioned this in his birth control thread and I wanted to go deeper... Pun intended :p

For guys, how does the pleasure of sex compare when wearing a condom versus not wearing a condom?

For gals, how is pleasure impacted when your lover wears a condom? What is your perception of how your husband/partner feels about it?

I know BadSanta will chime in with "the ultra thin foreign condoms are the best!"... ok, got it BadSanta :)

I'll start with myself. I used condoms until we were married. Trojan Sensitive or something, although I have tried a wide variety. Sex was ok, but masturbation was better. The only reason to have sex was to feel the connection and to satisfy my libido. When I climax with the condom on, the first muscle contraction feels good, but the following ones actually hurt because the tip of the condom gets filled with semen. So, the orgasm would get snuffed out right after starting. What happens next is that the condom and filled tip basically blocks further ejaculation and the pressure of the semen getting forced back in causing pain proximal to the base of my penis. Is this normal? I think I was using it right? Maybe I ejaculate an unusually large volume of semen..? I tried to leave extra condom at the tip to help, but during sex, it would always get packed down tight from the thrusting. And, I never felt like I had enough awareness to time it so that I could get out and take off the condom in time, so I could ejaculate elsewhere. To be honest, for me, sex with a condom is really a crappy experience. Do others have this experience?

But without condoms, sex was amazing. It's really quite different. The unimpeded ejaculation (like masturbation) and the loving connection is an awesome combo.

But, when I hear women consider condoms as a long term solution during marriage, it makes me wonder whether women are aware that sex with condoms can be terrible for a man. Maybe it's men's fault for not saying anything...
 
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#3 ·
Neither of us like condoms - they definitely reduce the pleasure and spontaneity for both of us. So, we've never used them, other than when she had to have her IUD removed temporarily. I'd probably avoid starting a relationship where long-term use was expected or necessary.
 
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#5 ·
For guys, how does the pleasure of sex compare when wearing a condom versus not wearing a condom?
Pleasure with condom = drastically reduced (for some kinks this can be a plus)
Pleasure without condom = superior

I actually get upset that there are no other reliable and readily available forms of male birth control.

Badsanta
 
#7 ·
Several years into our marriage, I developed a sensitivity to my husband's semen. Having your lady bits drenched in a dose of what feels like acid, makes sex much less fun than one might hope. My doctor said it was likely a pH compatibility problem, rather than a true allergy. My husband was unhappy with any of the other options (change diet, stop smoking, curb drinking, withdraw before ejaculation, etc.), so we chose to use condoms. I shopped around for the thinnest (yes, a non-US brand) I could find and he was actually pleasantly surprised with how little they impacted sensation. The ones we used had a large reservoir at the tip, so he never mentioned having any pain from pressure during ejaculation. We used condoms during PIV for probably the last 10 years of our marriage.

It was not ideal, but he was unwilling to explore any other possible remedies or to even see his or my doctor to discuss the problem, making condoms the most logical choice.
 
#8 ·
Several years into our marriage, I developed a sensitivity to my husband's semen. Having your lady bits drenched in a dose of what feels like acid, makes sex much less fun than one might hope. My doctor said it was likely a pH compatibility problem, rather than a true allergy.
Very interesting. If it's a pH issue, I would think some kind of anti-acid in the vagina would help neutralize the acidity. I don't know what dose would be necessary... Anyway, no matter now. Out of curiosity... do you have this problem with other men since developing this sensitivity?
 
#11 ·
Is using condoms the terrible unfulfilling torture session the OP describes in the first post? No, sorry, can't go along with that...
Thank you! I'd always assumed all men had the same experience but just downplayed it when they said that they would prefer no condom. So maybe there is something different/wrong with me? That is certainly useful information.
 
#15 ·
Only used them in my first marriage when W went off of her birth control pills, and I was waiting for the negative all-clear signal from my vasectomy results!

I literally hated using those damned "raincoats!"

Just give me "au naturale" any day!

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#16 ·
I guess that I am much different than most of the posters. I have used condoms in marriage, especially at times when we didn't want more children and my wife didn't want to be on the pill.

I generally prefer not to use a condom now that my wife is past menopause, as I like the idea of my sperm in my wife's body. I like the mental image of me being part of her the next day when we are apart. But that is just mental imagery, and not what if feels like when having sex. Still it does bring a smile to my face.

What I like about condom sex is that having a woman put it on can be an interesting bit of ritual foreplay. It says in a very primal mental way by your spouse, I want you and I am going to have you.

I really like to wear extra small condoms. The reason will probably surprise you. They act like a co#k ring and restrict blood flow so they delay loosing an erection after ejaculation. That allows me to remain in and connected to my wife and cuddle with her post orgasm a bit longer. Those are very special moments to me.

[Digression: When I was first married, I was in a local birth control store that just sold only condoms and lubes (about a hundred varieties of condoms). I was looking for the snuggest condoms I could find. In walked a woman who announced to the lady clerk in the store that her boyfriend hated condoms, because he was so huge and she needed the largest condoms made. The clerk showed the lady the largest sized condoms they had. I said I liked the smallest that I could find and explained why. The lady bought some extra large ones and some extra small ones. I sensed she wanted to conduct an experiment on her boyfriend. Post orgasmic cuddling can be a special time.;)]

Condoms prevent a wet spot in the bed. If you like to cuddle after orgasm and fall asleep in each others arms, you will sooner or later wake up when you roll onto a wet spot.

Sex is 90+% mental as your biggest sex organ is between your ears, not you legs. Condoms can enhance or detract from the sexual experience, it all depends on how you and your partner view them and use them. I think that they can be a plus.

So for the condom haters, how many of you have ever bought some ribbed or nubbed or flavored condoms to make things a little more interesting in the bedroom? Hard to change the texture and flavor of your penis as easily as with a condom.

See condom use isn't all bad, even in marriage.
 
#56 ·
My experience was more like what you described as opposed to the horrible experience that some describe. At the very worst, condoms were no big deal.

Then again, I never had any problems with having an orgasm. Some men act as though they've put on an iron tube with a condom, but condoms were never a big deal with me. I've also read where some men can't have an orgasm with a BJ, HJ, or condom, but I was never able to relate to or understand that. I always found my wife to be attractive, so as long as i was with her in the flesh, it didn't really matter what was going on. As you said, 90% is mental.
 
#18 ·
My husband usually puts on condoms when we are having too much fun and we want to make it last. When he feels like he is going to orgasm quickly, or before we want, he will hop off the bed and put a condom on and we continue. The positives: makes him last longer, easy cleanup, no pregnancy. The negatives: makes his penis taste funny. I'm sure my husband would say decrease sensitivity for him. Personally I refuse to use birth control pills. I follow my cycle religiously and when we are within a week of ovulation than he pulls out. If he has a problem with this repertoire then he will need to get a vasectomy.
 
#20 ·
I've never used a condom.

The handful of women I've been with either didn't need or want it.
keep in mind though, I've only been with one woman in her 20's and one other in her 30's.

the rest were beyond child bearing or had uterus removed.
That, plus I've never pursued women for sex only.
I've lived a sheltered life sex wise.

had I needed to use one at some point I guess I would have, but the thought is not very inviting.

glad I've never had to, or will ever, especially after reading all this!
 
#21 ·
Mrs. meson couldnt use the pill so we used condoms in combination with the rhythm method. We never used condoms alone though, it was always with spermicide in addition. We found that lamb skin condoms felt the best for both of us. Lamb skin stuck less and were lubricated in addition to allowing more of the feeling of warmth.

After our last kid was born I got a vasectomy and haven't looked back since.
 
#22 · (Edited)
You're wearing the condoms incorrectly if you are feeling excessive pressure during ejaculation. The segment's being forced back inside? Really?

I used them until we were ready to have children. When we were done with children, i got a vasectomy. I never had a problem with them, but then again I never experienced sex without them until we started trying for our first daughter.

They are preferred to other methods (birth control pills, hormonal iud) because the rest have side effects on many women.

My wife couldn't really feel the difference, but I sure could. It's still better than having a child you're not trying to have.
 
#23 ·
Condoms were used in the first few years, since they're common and that's what everyone uses. It sucked. I'd always get burned from the repetitive friction against plastic, and the condom-lube would drip everywhere. Honestly I think I minded condoms more than him. We couldn't have sex daily because I needed time to recover inbetween condom burns.

Then I found the non-hormonal copper IUD. Life-changer.
 
#24 ·
My experience with condoms in marriage?

Awful!

The sex became boring, forced and infrequent.

I could perform, grind away for 30 min at a time

yet pleasure and the delightful feeling of intimacy were at a minimum.

From other previous experience, I knew it wasn't ME.
__

So I got rid of the marriage, and sex got a lot better.

Even with condoms.

(Which totally suck, btw.)

:wink2:
 
#27 ·
No problems or dislike on my end. None of my partners reported the issues you have had, @wantshelp, nor have I observed those issues. Maybe watch a video or something to see where things are going wrong?
I was going to be helpful and try to find such a video for the OP, but the one I just watched the guy was speaking Russian, would fill them with gelatin, and then place it just in front of his computer mouse and use it for a comfortable place to rest his wrist while working. He then proceeded to use them as:

• Materials for creating a slingshot.
• Pulled them over his hands to create a webbing so he could swim faster.
• Filled them with erectionium gas so they could fly.
• Waterproof a karaoke microphone and sing underwater.
• Filled with water and used it to focus sunlight and catch things on fire.
• Filled them with butane to create fireballs

While I did not understand anything the guy was saying in Russian, I am fairly certain that the whole video was a furious rant about being in a sexless marriage and that he was going to use all these condoms one way or another!!

Badsanta
 
#31 ·
We use condoms in the beginning because we screwed up on the BC plan before our wedding. Sooo, I wore them on wedding night, honeymoon etc...a few months later we went without. Kinda sucked kinda ruined the moment (most times). In end looks like we never even needed them. I was a virgin and I was married. LOL.
 
#36 ·
There is no way on planet earth I would wear a condom while having sex with my wife. We tried it, and can never find one that fits right. It cuts off the circulation and ruins the experience for me. As soon as I would put on the condom, my erection would start to die. I got a vasectomy and it's the best thing that's ever happened.


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#42 ·
We also have two kids, ours are 12 and 15. My wife does not want to have another, so sex without condom/contraception is not going to happen. Her cycle is erratic. Do you take that risk by using the menstrual cycle?
Also, she was on the pill for a year (before our second child was born), so not exactly 22 yrs. We had fun without the latex then. Plus during the periods for wanting children.
Like yourself, I've gone through years of sexless marriage. I have to pick my battles, and a sloppy+naked+"al fresco" sex session is going to have to wait. Having weekly sex is top priority. Hopefully your wife is giving you what you are needing, al fresco or otherwise?
 
#43 ·
Relying on cycles is not always a safe bet in trying to avoid a pregnancy even if cycles are regular.

Mine have always been regular and I got pregnant during a "safe" time in my cycle (all good though our 3rd completed our family).

Got my tubes done after baby was born. We both hate condoms. Nowhere near the real thing for me the handful of times we have used them.
 
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