Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 11-21-2011, 11:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

A few months ago I posted about discovering my wife's penis size fetish. Around that time, I also had some health issues resulting in a loss of penis size that were uncovered and resolved during fertility treatment. Although she never complained before, things have been great since I have been "back to normal."

Also, let me say that my wife and I have been very happily married for 8 years now, she is my best friend and I would never want to do anything that would cause harm to our relationship. My good friends are her good friends, so I do have access to common female friends who reinforce that she is very happy with our marriage, sex life AND size. Yes, it is something that comes up as one of our friends also has somewhat of a penis size fetish AND is quite open about it. Her husband, a very good friend of mine is well endowed so the topic of size does come up quite a bit. By the way, is that normal? I was always told that women didnít really care.

Anyway, since discovering her fetish and each of us opening up more and more about our fantasies, she has been very open about common dreams/fantasies she has been having in which she has sex (mostly oral but some intercourse) with men who are very well endowed. Keep in mind that I am larger than average, but not huge by any means. She has also been with much larger guys and went through a wild streak when she was younger where she had quite a few BF that were "huge." She has never been insulting and has always been very complimentary.

The issue that has come to play recently is that she suggested us getting toys to "enhance" our sex life. When I asked what type of toys, she suggested "sleeves" or "extensions." This has come up before, but she has been pushing the idea more often now. She is 40 year sold, so maybe she is going through some sort of "phase." She is not large down there by any means, and even complains at time that I am too long, and not to push quite as far in with force. So I asked her what kind and she pointed out a few that added quite a bit of girth and a little length. I think they were made by Cyberskin, but they looked to be porn star huge, one was even modeled after a popular Porn star. The thing is that she doesn't want anything that can be used on her, such as a vibrator; she wants something that I put on and can use during sex.

Is this something that could pose a problem, either physically or emotionally? Again, while I am larger than average, Iím not as large as the toys she is picking out. Right now she climaxes quite often. Can that change if she gets used to something larger, and we go back to "regular" sex without sleeves or extensions? She has said numerous times that she doesn't want to use them all the time, just to spice it up sometimes. But, is that even possible? Wonít her body adjust to the larger size?

As I mentioned before, it is a bit of a turn-on that she has fantasies like these and she is open about them and not bland or guarded. But, she has also mentioned how much she likes oral sex with a larger penis, which a toy can't fulfill. Should that aspect concern me?

Any advice?
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Old 11-22-2011, 10:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

I really don't think that using something like that occasionally will cause any harm. Another thing you might try is a vibrating c**k ring; turns your member into a vibrator.

Dude, do you know how many men on here WISHED they had a sexually adventurous wife like you have? Count your blessings and keep her happy!!
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Old 11-22-2011, 11:57 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

Knowing that men have a special kind of emotional relationship with their penises - and the size or lack thereof - and how that can affect their self-esteem - how does all of her wanting 'more' make you REALLY feel?

Are you REALLY in to doing these kinds of things because you WANT to?

Or are you going along simply to appease her for some reason. And, if so, what is that reason?
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Old 11-22-2011, 12:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

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Dude, do you know how many men on here WISHED they had a sexually adventurous wife like you have? Count your blessings and keep her happy!!
Thanks for the feedback.

I know, I definitely feel like a lucky guy. This has been a fairly recent development over the past 6 months or so, but I definitely want to keep her happy. Actually, since letting her open up more and listen to her fantasies without judging her, she has been so much happier and actually our sex life and relationship in general has been better.

I have been warned by others that letting a sexually adventurous wife open up like this can be a risky, but I don't see why. Sure she experienced guys that fit her fetish before. But, she is married now and that is just a part of a relationship. Actually, she left them for a reason. Yeah, they had some physical "parts" she liked, but that was it. I also experienced women with "parts" I liked A LOT, but that was it. I would never even think of leaving my wife for any of them.
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Old 11-22-2011, 12:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

I think a lot of it has to do with her friend telling her that her mans **** is huge. Women no matter how they say that size doesn't matter, lie. Sorry ladies you do. My wife makes comments about bulges in other guys pants all the time and I am well above the average. She usually has a hard time using the whole thing herself. But still makes comments when she sees a chance to.

I remember a few years ago when my daughter was about 3 just came out of no where and said to my wife's cousin " My Daddy has a big..." the look on my wife's face was instant "what the hell did she just say" and said something to get every ones attention diverted. She obviously heard my wife talking about it to someone and just had to repeat what her Mommy said in a big group of people. To this day her cousin's wife still says something about my unit. So yes women think about it size all the time.

Maybe introduce something that will satisfy her need to be filled so to speak. Maybe during oral slowly introduce a few fingers and slowly stretch her. I guaranty she will still think of a big unit but will get off on fantasizing about it and being filled at he same time.
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Old 11-22-2011, 02:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

In our case it was obviously something I didn't want to bring up directly with my husband. He's perfectly normal, but I just had an interest in something more than that on some occasions. Our solution (or mine really, but I think he understands) was to incorporate toys to handle that aspect of things. I'm not selfish about it and only use them sometimes during our intimacy, or else by myself. But it's fun to have him there on some occasions to play a role while we use my toys. It's just an interest and I haven't let it become a problem or barrier between us.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

My wife still likes to be stretched a little more then what she is used to. No big deal it springs right back and once she is satisfied it is my turn. I always try to make sure she is looked after first then I get mine.

If she would allow me I would do oral and g-spot massage every time. But sometimes she just wants a quick one no extras. Go figure.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

This won't end well.... In your 40's and so much talk about size to me just is plain unseemly and the way your wife is broaching the subject and you too claiming to be above average but not enough, really does not not sound healthy for a prude like me.....
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Old 11-22-2011, 05:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

This sounds like no big deal, as long as she agrees to wear false boobies and one of those butt pads.
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Old 11-22-2011, 06:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enchantment View Post
Knowing that men have a special kind of emotional relationship with their penises - and the size or lack thereof - and how that can affect their self-esteem - how does all of her wanting 'more' make you REALLY feel?

Are you REALLY in to doing these kinds of things because you WANT to?

Or are you going along simply to appease her for some reason. And, if so, what is that reason?
Actually I didn't feel all that great about it initially, even though she was always very complimentary about my size and even made positive comments to her friends. But, I understand that she is just being honest, and that's what I want. I felt better about it though after speaking with her friend who has more than reassured me that I have nothing to worry about. It's just a fetish or fantasy. As I said before, I also have my own fantasies, but would never think of leaving my wife to fulfill them. I am pretty confident; even though I am on the larger side and feel that I have plenty for her to be happy, I am aware of the fact that there are plenty of bigger ones out there and she just happens to have a fetish for that.

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Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay View Post
This won't end well.... In your 40's and so much talk about size to me just is plain unseemly and the way your wife is broaching the subject and you too claiming to be above average but not enough, really does not not sound healthy for a prude like me.....
I disagree, although I can't predict the future. Most of our married friends, who were a more "prudish" or "guarded", in their own words are the ones struggling and in a few cases divorced. It's the ones who have been honest and open that are still together and happy. Even though some things that came out may have seemed hurtful at first, they worked through it and with honesty as a base, they were able to get over it and move on.

It's the ones that seemed to have it all together, but were also keeping lots of secrets and lacked the ability to talk openly with their spouse that are no longer together or are struggling to hold on to anything resembling a marriage.

I just don't want to end up in that boat 5 years from now.

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In our case it was obviously something I didn't want to bring up directly with my husband. He's perfectly normal, but I just had an interest in something more than that on some occasions. Our solution (or mine really, but I think he understands) was to incorporate toys to handle that aspect of things. I'm not selfish about it and only use them sometimes during our intimacy, or else by myself. But it's fun to have him there on some occasions to play a role while we use my toys. It's just an interest and I haven't let it become a problem or barrier between us.
Thats how my wife said she felt. It's not something she wants to experience all the time, or even most of the time. Just sometimes, she would like to experience it.

As I mentioned earlier, this apparently has been a fetish of hers for quite a while. It's just something I picked up on in detail earlier this year. Over the years though, even when dating I kind of noticed things but never really said anything. I got tired of wondering so I asked her, and promised her I wouldn't judge her or get upset. That's only when she really opened up and finally spilled the beans. She was funny about it, like it's something that she has always kept hidden. But she said that she felt GREAT that she was able to be open about even an intimate secret like that.

And as a husband, I would like to do what I can to make her happy...within reason of course. I find toys completely within reason, it's just not something I would have brought up.

I have to be honest, I have been in relationships where I would not have been cool with something like this. I just want my wife to feel that we can open up to each other about this type of stuff, even if egos takes a bit of a hit. Usually the effects, if negative, are short lived.
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Old 11-22-2011, 06:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife's Penis Fetish & Toys. Need advice.

I realize that I am new to TAM, but my problem with this entire situation is why are you having such personal conversations with her/your friends? You will probably think I'm somewhat of a prude and you would be wrong, my H and I have a very exciting and satisfying sex life.

To me this is a form of disrespect, there is no reason that your group of friends should know anything about you or your spouse's body parts. Did you ever stop to think that by your friends knowing the different 'assets' that you each posess you are opening them up to the possibility of imagining having sex with either of you? As someone else mentioned, do you think this has something to do with the fact that she knows her friend's husband is larger? I think it's a horrible idea to be so open with a group of friends because of the unintended consequences.

I would be so upset if my husband was running around telling his friends what my body was like, I think that's high schoolish and I feel that if I did it that it would be disrespectful towards my hubby.

As for your question, I wouldn't see a problem with doing what she has asked as long as it isn't on a constant basis and she is doing kegels regularly.

Talking about this with someone on the internet that you will never meet is one thing, talking about it with people that actually know you is another. I say this because you know that the friend is running off telling her hubby and then it just travels from there. Do you want everyone knowing something this private about you and your wife? The friend may say she'll tell no one, but if she has a good marriage I guarantee that her husband knows.

I'm not trying to come across as harsh or rude, and I'm glad that you say that you and your wife have a great marriage, but I'd be careful how much I let others know.
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Old 11-22-2011, 09:23 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Talking about this with someone on the internet that you will never meet is one thing, talking about it with people that actually know you is another. I say this because you know that the friend is running off telling her hubby and then it just travels from there. Do you want everyone knowing something this private about you and your wife? The friend may say she'll tell no one, but if she has a good marriage I guarantee that her husband knows.

I'm not trying to come across as harsh or rude, and I'm glad that you say that you and your wife have a great marriage, but I'd be careful how much I let others know.
I appreciate your opinion, and I agree, which is why I turned to forums. Yes, my wife does tend to share SOME information with her one very close friend, but not so much that I would be upset. Her friend is actually a very good friend of mine for the past 15 years. Most of the time among her other friends, it's mild stuff that doesn't bother me. Actually I would probably be more concerned if she didn't say anything. She is really shy and unassuming which makes it all the funnier when she makes sex comments. As far as her good friend telling her husband anything, its not a big deal, I have known him since 10th grade.

But, I rarely share much detail with my friends, which is why I resort to forums. Past girlfriends on the other hand have shared quite a bit of detail. My wife is not even close to the type of things some of my past girlfriends have shared with their friends. As odd as it may seem, past girlfriends shared FAR more information than what I talked about with my friends.
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