Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
flow chart
do you have a penis?
yes------->watch football
no--------> watch figure skating
WRONG WRONG WRONG! A smart man knows how much trouble assumptions can get him in. I'd rather have a root canal with no anesthesia than watch figure skating!
Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurae1967
My fantasy is less about actually being hurt or in pain and is more about my husband acting domineering both physically and mentally in bed. I like the idea of us getting into a fight where he gets so angry he just throws me down and takes me. Maybe I would resist and thrash around a bit at first, but once he was f&cking me, I would be compliant.
This is a pretty common scenario for us, except with the twist that I don't even let her anger affect me. I'm more impervious and dangerous. Just seize the opportunity when it happens.
Once, I was supposed to pick her up at the airport for a three day weekend while I was on business in Europe. I crossed from one country to another, while she came from America to stay with me in the middle of a month long visit. Because of a previous job, I occasionally get detained in customs while my credentials are being verified back home. So, I left her stranded in the airport for two hours. She was furious, because I had an international phone and she didn't know that I couldn't call her. Finally, the agents took her to our hotel at the request of our officials, and I met her there. She was ranting, angry, ... and I just ... rather forcefully took her. All she has to do is say, "Stop!", but she didn't. I still got bruises and scratches, though.
Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy...
I have an idea to help with your problem.
With an old GF we played a game a few times, where she would try and stop me from doing something. Before I say any more I want to make clear that this was a game, not a 'rape fantasy'. She always smiled and laughed throughout. In fact once she tried to act more unwilling and I was unable to carry on, even though I knew it was an act. Other posters are probably right in saying that it is deeply entrenched in most guys psychology that we won't ever do anything like that. In fact from that experience (with her acting like she wasn't enjoying it / acting like I was genuinely trying to force myself on her) I was pretty shaken up for a couple of day afterwards.
But on to the fun stuff:
She could do things half heartedly, like trying to cover herself up with her hands which could easily be pulled away and pinned down. She would also do things like roll onto her front, allowing me to spank her as a punishment and allowing access to her back and the back of her neck, places that I could be rough with her and not hurt her at all.
Other things she did were to clamp her legs together when I was doing things so I had to force them apart (by being rough and prising them apart or by a punishment like a spank or a pinched nipple)
Once she was wearing a tight t-shirt, and by taking it only half off it left her arms trapped behind her. This is a more subtle way of tying someone up without scaring them by getting out the handcuffs! You could do this to yourself and then tell him he's in charge because you're all tied up. Basically you just pull the body of the shirt over your head but leave your arms in the sleeves, then lie down on your back so the shirt is underneath you and your arms are quite constrained. Long sleeves works best.
Go to a really cheap shop and buy a cheap t-shirt or blouse. Tell him you're doing this, and tell him that you want him to rip it off you. If you're using a t-shirt you might have to cut through the seams unless your man is stronger than I am. Being ripped out of your clothes feels rougher, and is especially good if you get turned on by sexy scenes in films. It will also make him feel much more dominant and into whatever you do next by stroking his ego and getting the testosterone flowing!
Refuse to lie down. For example if you start things off elsewhere and let him lead you up to the bedroom and get undressed, but when it comes to getting into bed a simple 'make me' said with a grin on your face might work wonders. At the very least he will probably throw you down on the bed which is a good start!
Hope these ideas help you or anyone else. Basically to start off with to ease him into it maintain an atmosphere of you being naughty by not complying. By keeping a smile on your face you let him know that you really do it want it, but you're not going to make it easy for him. Let him punish you for being non-compliant and afterwards tell him what you enjoyed. Work things up from there.
One piece of advice, once he is inside you, you can wriggle a bit but don't try and force him out, either by using your muscles or by lifting your hips off the bed. This is a likely way to end up with tearing for you or a broken penis for him!
Instead it is much better to suggest changing position and then not letting him back in!
Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy...
I am not of fan of being indirect. You need to ask for what you want and understand that your husband may have to really explore his own beliefs to participate. This is a process that may take a little time.
I recommend that you go purchase Arousal by Dr. Michael Bader. It is all about the link between fantasies and psychology. It is a great, non-judgmental book written by a sex therapist. I think you will find that your fantasies are very common. I think you should ask your husband to read it as well. Then have a discussion and go explore
David Deada's Way of the Superior Man would be an interesting read for your husband. It is a little more out there, new age, but supports the need of your husband to bend you over every once in a while to keep harmony in the relationship.
Give the audiobook version to your husband as tax day gift.
Finally, if he is that nice of a guy, give him No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It is a very smart book about how guys get socialized into being too nice and the harm it does to them and their families. He covers sex in there as well, but much more lightly.
It sounds like you are a loving, supportive wife. Hit this issue head on and be supportive as you and your husband explore each individual's sexuality. You will likely get your fantasy satisfied as a result, but even if you don't, you will improve your relationship and your sex life.
Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy...
Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerNiceGuy
I am not of fan of being indirect. You need to ask for what you want and understand that your husband may have to really explore his own beliefs to participate. This is a process that may take a little time.
This!
A couple years ago I got a little aggressive with my wife in bed. Nothing serious, just some lite hair pulling and I nibbled on her shoulder from behind (no broken skin or blood or anything). All she said was "owe" at the time, I stopped doing that. It wasn't until several months later in our counseling session that she said it was a huge turn off for her and that she was almost scared of my sex drive because of that.
One issue is I should have asked her if I could have been more aggressive at that time, and 2) she should have been able to tell me she didn't like it without having to pay a quack therapist $80/hr. So I think this goes to show we have some communication problems in our marriage especially when it comes to intimacy. I think that's what turned me off to that sort of activity was her not being able to tell me what was on her heart about that. For me, sex isn't about the act but our hearts melding and when I find out later she is withholding something on her heart from me I get turned off.
Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy...
How about demonstrating? Get a little rough with him and then ask him what he's going to do about it. If you haven't already I would just talk to him about it. Tell him you are okay with it and in fact are craving it from HIM. Come up with a scenario in your head and then narrate it to him as if he's doing this to another woman. Or tell him to imagine he's another man and is doing it to you.
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Re: Getting my nice guy husband on board with my fantasy... 
This just made my day! So flippin' funny! 
