Husband watches Cam Girls - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 09:35 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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Originally Posted by wantshelp View Post
BadSanta is right about it this live stuff being heavily pushed at porn sites. I have never clicked because why would I want to watch some unknown girl who will do who knows what, when I have a plethora of recorded content that has been upvoted, edited, and categorized for me. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if some of these live ads are phony and not really live. If he didn't interact or pay, I don't see how this is any different from all the other porn he could stream to his screen, other than he has no idea if it will be any good or what is coming next. I don't see the problem if there is not interaction. Would it be as bad if it was a prerecorded cam girl?
This is my personal opinion too. I remember reading on another forum that the general consensus was porn ok webcams definitely not ok because of interaction. A couple of years ago I looked at a pre recorded webcam out of curiosity. What struck me is how boring it was. Not remotely erotic and she seemed to be spinning it out to get as much money from the customer as possible ( and sympathy for the poor guy that was getting fleeced). The video quality was also abysmal. My husband being a techie, agreed that he couldn't sit through the poor quality when there is absolutely everything you could wish for at the click of a button where you can fast forward and rewind to the good bits.

So my opinion of cams has change. I think if anyone is upset by them it might be a good idea to take a look because they are surprisingly lame. Strip clubs and lap dancing far more interactive imo.
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post #47 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 09:39 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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I think if anyone is upset by them it might be a good idea to take a look because they are surprisingly lame. Strip clubs and lap dancing far more interactive imo.
I agree with the sentiment in bold.
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post #48 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 10:40 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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Originally Posted by wantshelp View Post
BadSanta is right about this live stuff being heavily pushed at porn sites. I have never clicked because why would I want to watch some unknown girl who will do who knows what, when I have a plethora of recorded content that has been upvoted, edited, and categorized for me. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if some of these live ads are phony and not really live. If he didn't interact or pay, I don't see how this is any different from all the other porn he could stream to his screen, other than he has no idea if it will be any good or what is coming next. I don't see the problem if there is no interaction. Would it be as bad if it was a prerecorded cam girl?

In my opinion, the live "cam girl" content is just the same as all the other porn, as most of this content ends up in the prerecorded sections. The only difference with the live stuff compared to the prerecorded content is that you can NOT hit fast forward.

If you goto the cam girl section "webcams" that is prerecorded and look for what has had the most views in the past 30 days, the majority of those are videos are actually couples that were willing to interact with an online audience. Some people may call it infidelity, but to me it just looks like taking the simple act of voyeurism and making it slightly interactive.

I think infidelity would become an issue once the viewer also turns on a camera and the video/audio interaction is fully reciprocated. Meanwhile, just clicking to see what all the fuss is about and seeing unfastforwardable porn (most of which is softcore) without interacting seems like nothing to worry about.

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post #49 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 11:01 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

@badsanta There is the tease aspect that as a woman I don't really tune into. I wonder if the appeal of cams is that it gives the illusion of being real. If there is 2 way interaction, even if just say 'hi', adds to the fantasy of actually being in the same room as a scantily dressed woman. Similar to VR porn or POV porn that attempts to make it seem more real. Other than that I don't see the appeal.
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post #50 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 11:12 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
@badsanta There is the tease aspect that as a woman I don't really tune into. I wonder if the appeal of cams is that it gives the illusion of being real. If there is 2 way interaction, even if just say 'hi', adds to the fantasy of actually being in the same room as a scantily dressed woman. Similar to VR porn or POV porn that attempts to make it seem more real. Other than that I don't see the appeal.
Interestingly there are some forums that discuss the aspect of "tease and denial" kinks and how rare it is to find females that actively engage in this kink. One person on that forum suggested that webcams are a virtual gold mine of content for viewers seeking this content as the women will get themselves worked up but deny themselves an orgasm until the viewers pay for it which sometimes just never would happen.

That is so messed up if you ask me!

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post #51 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 11:26 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

I agree that this issue is tied to how one feels about porn. I'm fine with a little, but I think it's incredibly destructive and would detach emotionally and probably sexually if I found out my hb was using a lot of it.

Cam girls wouldn't fly with me.

You're not jerking it to lots of other women and then coming to bed with me.

And I honestly don't think my hb would be ok with me masterbating to other naked men.

I have seen other threads where it's argued that porn is OK but cam girls are out because they're real. I mean, if cam girls are OK then why not online affairs? You don't meet them in person either.
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post #52 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 11:43 AM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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I agree that this issue is tied to how one feels about porn. I'm fine with a little, but I think it's incredibly destructive and would detach emotionally and probably sexually if I found out my hb was using a lot of it.

Can girls wouldn't fly with me.

You're not jerking it to lots of other women and then coming to bed with me.

And I honestly don't think my hb would be ok with me masterbating to other naked men.

I have seen other threads where it's argued that porn is OK but came girls are out because they're real. I mean, if cam girls are OK then why not online affairs? You don't meet them in person either.
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it's the slippery slope and playing with fire. it's trying to cut a tomato with a butter knife.
if you're real careful, you might pull it off.

so why play with fire when you don't need to.
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post #53 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 12:21 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

OP poster, then to answer your primary question 'how do i let go of the pain?'

well, my answer would be that he caused you the pain by messing around with webcam.
now he's promised not to do it anymore. hold him to that promise.

the rest will just be time. time is the best healer. that and his dedication to you.
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post #54 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 12:44 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

My husband watches cam girls sometimes and porn, and it doesn't bother me. It is important for him to have that time with himself. I also keep him very satisfied, and very rarely deny him when he initiates it.

Feeling jealous over someone through a computer screen seems illogical to me. I am the one with the deeper connection to my man, not that big breasted girl doing gold shows on the webcam. He might enjoy that for a bit as a change, but I can assure you, it will never be as good as the real thing with me.
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post #55 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 12:56 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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My husband watches cam girls sometimes and porn, and it doesn't bother me. It is important for him to have that time with himself. I also keep him very satisfied, and very rarely deny him when he initiates it.

Feeling jealous over someone through a computer screen seems illogical to me. I am the one with the deeper connection to my man, not that big breasted girl doing gold shows on the webcam. He might enjoy that for a bit as a change, but I can assure you, it will never be as good as the real thing with me.
I just watched a recording of one. Dependent on the cam girl as some of them have repeated customers that there is actual dialogue and the one I watch, her and one of her commenters were going on about her relationship. So, forming bonds is possible and a one-sided affair can occur. I do not know what the guy wrote, but she was ansering him with her voice. I am sure the majority use it for interactive porn, something they may feel that they are a part of, sending some of them suggestions. I also wonder who uploads these videos and puts them online. So, if hher husband wants her to do it, these cam shows, they run the risk of putting them online as well.

I am curious though, how much is a token worth?

I just saw another one, girl just dances with no interaction that I know of. This is pretty boring.

I am such a tree hugger because it gives me wood!
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post #56 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-06-2016, 02:44 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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I agree that live cam girls crosses the line, and I'm fine with porn.
This. Prerecorded video is one thing. Once you engage the person it's crossing the line.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WallaceBea View Post
I am the one with the deeper connection to my man, not that big breasted girl doing gold shows on the webcam. He might enjoy that for a bit as a change, but I can assure you, it will never be as good as the real thing with me.
When there is conversation then he emotionally bonding with the big breasted bimbo. That's energy spent on her and not you.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #57 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 12:28 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

Men CAN form emotional attachments to online cam girls!

Why not put him in chastity, lock, and keep the key on YOUR key chain.

Problem solved!

And he might just love it!
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post #58 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 12:42 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
This. Prerecorded video is one thing. Once you engage the person it's crossing the line.



When there is conversation then he emotionally bonding with the big breasted bimbo. That's energy spent on her and not you.
Personally, there is only a "line" if one person draws the line. I think it is all one slippery slope with no lines until people draw them.

I am very pro-marriage and very pro-commitment to a marriage. I was in a Sex Starved Marriage where my wife refused to have sex with me. I knew that "keeping it in my pants" was important to me, my self respect, and my marriage.

I imagine that the slippery slope can range from
fantasizing while day dreaming,
flirting,
porn videos
sex phone lines, cam girls
strip club private dances
massage parlors with happy endings
escorts, paid sex workers
a NSA F-buddy
etc.

I think that a couple should decide what their boundaries are that they can both live with. For me (being old fashioned) it is pretty traditional.

My wife and I found compromise and worked on changing our boundaries so that we can be happy together. Our compromise involved just us, but having been where I was and having contemplated divorcing my wife over a lack a sex, I am more understanding to the pressure on couples that want to remain together and yet have sexual gridlock issues.

Still there are interesting discussions on Monogomish and how a committed relationship may not be the traditional one. I suggest the following as worth of thinking about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sYguTPLpHE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q


I don't think that there is any "one solution for all couples."
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post #59 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 12:51 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

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Originally Posted by dianaelaine59 View Post
Men CAN form emotional attachments to online cam girls!

Why not put him in chastity, lock, and keep the key on YOUR key chain.

Problem solved!

And he might just love it!
While that might work for some, it is not everyone's kink. It also takes two.

I know when I was in a sex starved marriage, I thought about finding ways to turn non-sex into sexually stimulating things.

Your suggestion would have worked, with one exception.

The reason that my wife didn't want to have any sex was that she had emotionally withdrawn from the marriage, we were in a mode of rejecting and hurting each other, and that last thing in the world she would have wanted to do was to have done something to make me happy or sexually satisfied, even if it did not involved PIV sex or my ejaculation.

Sexual problems are usually symptoms of other underlying problems within a couple's relationship.
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post #60 of 81 (permalink) Old 10-10-2016, 03:22 PM
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Re: Husband watches Cam Girls

I completely understand where you are coming from emotionally. It sucks when they don't think what they were doing was hurting anyone. But thankfully you have a man who understands how it has hurt you and does not want to hurt you that way ever again. That says alot about the strength of his feelings for you. I am right there with you finding it hard to grasp the idea that none of what he was doing had any reflection on you.

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