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Ladies - Negative feelings about giving oral?

22K views 65 replies 43 participants last post by  vegasruby 
#1 ·
I am getting ready to go home soon after 6 months away from my W (deployment). As you can imagine, I am looking forward to being intimate with her again. I have been fantasizing what I would like to happen upon my return. One of which is to be greeted with a bj.

I wish my W were more enthusiastic about giving them. I’ve searched for threads covering lack of interest in felatio but couldn’t find any. From what I read here it seems that most (if not all) women are. My W says that she is scared of the ending, not liking cum in her mouth; she says she doesn’t like the warm mucus aspect of it and says it gags her. This disappoints me but I understand and can deal with it. I have told her that I will give her warning when I’m about to shoot so I can pull out and she seems ok with that.

I envy many of the husbands because it seems like bj’s are a regular repertoire that are eagerly given. My W says she is willing to do them but doesn’t like to as she is paranoid that I will finish in her mouth again, especially when she starts to notice pre cum in her mouth. Because of this I have never had a good one. In the past she put most of her focus on licking and not the actual meat and potatoes of the act. This was just a tease and has left me frustrated on the few occasions she has attempted; I kept this frustration to myself up until recently when we talked about it over the phone. She expressed her hang-up but said she wants to do it to please me. I don't want it to be a chore for her. I would like for her to want to do it or at least a little eager.

Have any of you ladies ever had a hang up with giving oral sex? If so, what helped you get past this? I want to be understanding toward her yet I also would like to have this apart of our sex life. We need to spice things up some but that’s another story.
 
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#2 ·
Do you taste bad? Have you tasted yourself? Sounds gross, but look up things you can eat to make yourself taste better. Pineapple juice, etc. I like my hubs' precum...don't mind when he finishes now though because it's like water (since his vasectomy...the consistency is WAY better now).

In the past, i didn't like doing oral on men for many reasons. Sometimes it was because of the way the guy wanted it. I am not a ***** and won't be treated like one. Although i act like a ***** for my hubs...it's different because there's mutual respect and he knows who I really am. With him, I can orgasm just from giving him a bj :)

With other people, I'd never do it. They had horrible hygiene down there. SCRUB YOUR BALLS. Just gotta say it. It smells horrible when the schmegma builds up. *GAG*

And why not enjoy a wonderful BJ without finishing? Or is that very important to you?
 
#3 ·
I can understand the hygiene thing.

It's not important for me to finish. I've never really had a chance to anyhow. It's really just getting her to want to do the act. I don't want her to do something she really doesn't want to do.

I will have to try the pineapple juice thing when I get back. Thanks for your honesty and for the tips.
 
#6 ·
I'm like your wife. It is the temperature and viscosity that I don't like and then the taste. One of the posters on this forum suggested that when he is about to cum, that i make sure his junk is far back so it just goes down the throat bypassing the tongue. I have tried it and it is better but I am still working on it. One other thing is that I ask my husband to drink lots of water during the day, when he is dehydrated it is very thick and bitter tasting.

I find that if I have already had an orgasm I am much more enthusiastic about the bj and swallowing. Have you tried giving her oral first so that she is warmed up? I also find that position and comfort is important.

Try not to get frustrated if it does not go well on the first or even several try's.. She wants to make you happy and knows that it is important to you. If she knows that she is not quite there yet but you have confidence that she will get there, then she will relax. Make it like a project that you are both working on cooperatively.
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#10 ·
Thanks for your insight and advice. I will have to discuss some of this with her when I get back. As for giving her oral, I'm all over that. In our marriage, we have not really experimented too much sexually. This is due to surgeries she's had and me being gone so much the past few years being in the military.

I agree she wants to make me happy. I have an awesome wife like that. I just don't want to make her uncomfortable. At the same time there are certain things I'd like to try. What it really boils down to is communication and I don't always find that easy.

I like how you say I should make this a project. I think I will do that.
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#7 · (Edited)
I did have a hang up at first only because I can not stand the taste of semen with hubby . I've boughten several lubes and I just found one I like. The brand is Juicy Lube. I use the mint flavor and I can not taste the pre cum. Since buying the product, I LOVE giving oral!!!! It's absolutely amazing, but I need to take it easy. I broke my neck 3 years ago and still live in severe pain. I can only preform for a few minutes. I use my hands too. I also love sucking on his balls. They are incredibly soft and it turns him on. I can't have hubby finish in my mouth and he let's me know when I need to slow down or stop.

Geeze, I might hop into bed right now to give my husband a morning surprise.;)

Without the juicy lube, it would never happen. I literally get a sick stomach from the semen. I do ask my hubby to wash prior. He has no problems doing so. I've never in my life given anyone else oral. I need to fully trust and to be in love with them. We finish off with great sex/love making.
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#43 ·
:iagree::iagree: can't really swallow either ( unless with some vino....lots of it!!!)
Have ya tried rubbing it on your chest...h likes the erotic sensation.:smthumbup:
I love giving bj's when I'm turned on but must admit can't get in to it so much when it's a quicky session.
 
#8 ·
I had a severe aversion to giving blow jobs, because it reminded me of sexual abuse. After therapy, I LOVE giving them to my husband.

I do not allow cum in my face or on my body. I don't like semen very much.

You cannot force your wife to enjoy it. Have you asked her why she doesn't like giving oral?
 
#12 ·
You cannot force your wife to enjoy it. Have you asked her why she doesn't like giving oral?
I haven't and won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Right now I'm just seeing what I can do to help her be more comfortable. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I may be disappointed but I'll get over it.
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#9 ·
I definitely have very negative feelings about it because my hubby got one from a hooker. I do not do them any more at all. Even before that I just didn't like it - it would literally make me gag when he got a bit too boisterous. And if he finished in my mouth I would almost puke.

There are websites and books that your wife can read with pointers - I think there are even classes she can take about it! I know that if I felt more in control of what was happening I didn't mind it as much.
 
#13 ·
She can grow to enjoy it with positive experiences, take the suggestions above. I don't mind pleasuring my husband, but I haven't let him finish in my mouth yet.

Diet is important. I'm a vegetarian and my husband doesn't eat red meat... It can give you a less than savory taste. Try reducing meats and increasing fruits to give yourself a sweeter, if barely detectable taste. Not to be TMI but my husband produces A LOT of precum and I can tell the difference when he varies his diet.
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#14 ·
Oh yeah, and be grateful for what she DOES do, even if it's just a 'tease' - you want her to feel good about pleasuring you, not harp on her technique or what she doesn't do. Over time, as she gains confidence and comfort, you both can work on expanding her method.
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#18 ·
I think a lot of the negative feelings come from fear - fear of not being sure if you're doing it well, fear of gagging/choking, not knowing how to finish etc. You can help her a lot by acknowledging that it's a skill that takes practice, and then being really positive and encouraging when she is practicing. I now love giving head because I know I'm good at it and love seeing how happy it makes my husband, but it was a process. And as most of the women on here who love it will tell you, it's quite addictive once you're good at it! Give loads of positive feedback while she's doing it and even the next day let her know how amazing it was - that will give her confidence to do it more and more and her skills and enthusiasm will continue to improve.

Re the taste and texture - diet and hydration definitely affect the taste but I think the most important thing is that it's fresh. Semen gets a bitter acrid taste if it's sitting around too long, so make sure you've ejaculated in the previous 24 hours if possible. If she does want to swallow, you could suggest that she gently suck you in a bit deeper when you're about to blow - most of the tastebuds are on the anterior 2/3 of the tongue so if you can shoot further back then she won't taste much at all. Good luck!
 
#20 ·
Why is it so important to some of you to finish in your wife's mouth?

lol. I don't get that. Not that I don't do it for my husband, but i don't get how it's any better than getting oral and finishing elsewhere.... o_O
 
#21 ·
Have any of you ladies ever had a hang up with giving oral sex? If so, what helped you get past this? I want to be understanding toward her yet I also would like to have this apart of our sex life. We need to spice things up some but that’s another story.
I was way worse than your wife at one time. My story is one of total transformation in this area, too much religious thinking combined with a lack of sexual education when we married, I near feared going down there. I also wanted all sex acts to be in the dark, anything outside of intercourse seemed dirty to me, I associated it with Porn. I would touch him with my hands but the mouth, oh my, scary, insecure, clueless. I did on a few occasions put my mouth there but I was completely and utterly pathetic, and it did him no favors at all. He really never asked me to do it either, just kinda lived without. Even when he would venture to do oral on me, I was so embarrassed and thinking ""Ewwww, how can he like this ", my mind was blocking the enjoyment, and I would often push his head away. It was a total MIND F**K with me. Not kidding.

A mindset is a terrible thing to remain in --when it hinders us from expressing such pleasure to our spouses. I needed a willingness to change my thinking & a passion to please my husband. But I let that all fall by the wayside, never really thinking much about it & he just didn't ever bring it up either. Neither of us EVER talked about spicing, not even once in 19 yrs of marraige! We always had the emotional connection, it seems that is all that ever mattered to us.

But NOW, after some kind of hormonal surge in my early 40's, everything I was NOT, I suddenly became. I set out to master being the greatest Lover I could be, to explore these things we let go in our past.

This book was one of the 1st I bought, just reading it gave me such enthusiam to learn & put everything on those pages into practice. It literally turned me on and opened my eyes to men's sexuality also.

Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books

Since that time I LOVE LOVE LOVE giving oral, I would have been seriously UPSET if he didn't let me do it ! And he can give me oral all day now. There is always hope, but again, I had some kind of sexual awakening experience to help bring me here. That has died down, but I will never be the same.

Overcoming inhibitions are huge --if this is part of your wife's issues. I am sure some women just do not like it and likely nothing is going to change that.

I do feel had I had more of a clue to the power & Pleasure us wives can bring to our men, and if we had communicated openly about sex back then, that I would have cared enough to overcome these damn hang ups -probably much sooner. These R our regrets.

Communicate, light your wife's fire in every way you can, and hopefully she will be willing to open her sexual mind more, or even find this act arousing -just feeling and experiencing how very very much you love it!

Sex is such a touchy touchy subject, I am sure she wants to feel she can Please you -and she is trying. .....So you don't want to get on her technique too much. Exploring a good sex book together, so you both can learn new ways to arouse and enhance your pleauses with each other, this could be one way. So many on amazon, WOW ! This sounds good >> Amazon.com: The Guide to Getting It On (9781885535337): Paul Joannides, Daerick Gross Sr.: Books

It is always so helpful when we ask what our partner likes, do you ask her ? Maybe she will start to ask you ? it would be nice if these things were catchy ! :)
 
#23 ·
I love giving hubby BJ's. I was very sexually inexperienced when I started dating him and that was one of the first things he taught me to do.

Pointers:

1) Be very patient.

2) Don't be afraid to tell your lady what feels good and what doesn't. Don't be condescending. If you are getting a BJ, be happy and remember that if she isn't used to doing it, she is probably nervous and being vocal is very helpful.

3) Touch her shoulders, rub her back and neck or stroke her head while she's going down on you. Get her to relax.

4) Tell her you love her and that you are enjoying yourself.

5) The only time you should ever raise your voice during a BJ is if she uses teeth or you are orgasming.

I fully believe a big reason why I enjoy giving oral is because my husband made it a positive experience while I was learning.
 
#24 ·
My wife was a total virgin when I met her. No sexual experiences atall. We have been together 20 years and married for 15 of them.

She knows how much I would love for her to give me a BJ (she enjoys me giving HER oral sex) but she has NEVER gone anywhere near my 'meat and 2 veg' with her mouth. She simply refuses to.

I have tried to ask her gently why she simply refuses...how much it would mean to me etc etc. But, I might as well talk to a brick wall...there aren't even any compromises like not cumming in her mouth etc. It is a simple and very definite NO.... and with no reason.
But she is quite happy for me to do it to her.... on the very rare occasions she allows me to to have sex with her.

So, I too am like the OP.... I get jealous reading about wives how love doing it to their husbands/partners!!

Edit to add - Hygiene isnt a problem.... shower twice daily and am 'cut'....
 
#25 ·
1. dont cum in her mouth
2. dont talk about cumming in her mouth
3. dont pout or whine about cumming in her mouth
4. dont look disappointed about not cumming in her mouth

because my husband doesnt do anything of my donts, he gets unsolicited, every time we have sex, in the morning, without reciprocating, before work anytime creative enthusiastic blowjobs

good luck
 
#26 ·
wait until she is already very aroused before she goes down on you. then finger her while she is doing it to keep her aroused. giving her brain other things to focus on besides whats in her mouth can be very helpful. dont just lay there. you should be touching her and keeping her revved up. THEN you will get it enthusiastically. My husbands hands are contantly moving over my body while im giving him a bj
 
#28 ·
I used to dislike giving BJs. It used to seem so intimate and overwhelming. But I LOVE to give my husband head now. In fact, it is one of the ways to get me really worked up. I feel so sexy sucking him that I get extremely wet. He rarely comes from them because he wants to come inside me, but I'm working on getting him to just lay back and enjoy.

I think good hygeine is key. I also think getting her excited and more comfortable about your penis in general would be helpful. It comes down to trust. I am so open with my husband that I can tell him what I like and don't like, what I'm nervous about, etc. This makes it easier to be open about all things sexual.

Some women feel overwhelmed with the c*ck in the face thing, or the gagging sensation. Tell her that she can control the in and out aspect, but that you'd love for her to take the top half of your penis in her mouth. Tell her licking doesn't give as much sensation (give her these tips when you are not in the bedroom).

Have fun!
 
#29 ·
Hmm I used to not like it that much. Here are the reasons. 1- I don't really like the taste of semen, sounds gross, but have you ever tasted your own semen? You probaby wouldn't like it either. 2- I felt like it was more something just for him and not for me and I wasn't getting anything out of it. 3- I had the mindset not that it was fun.
Now I am much different for some reason. I have found ways to enjoy it. Here is something that I like, when I am doing oral, if he is laying on his back and I am on all fours (like doggy style sort of) and he is fingering me, while I do it. I find that to be a lot of fun. Or of course you could always try 69, then both people are getting pleasure. Or you could try putting whip cream on your penis and having her suck it off, it makes for a nice lube and is tasty for her. Those are some tricks I have tried, and now I think it is fun.
 
#30 ·
I really appreciate all of the insight that you ladies have provided. My wife is interested in doing it because she wants to please me. I guess I had a preconceived mindset that oral resulted in finishing. I see that in not the consensus.

We've been doing a lot of talking lately and it has been really beneficial. I'm learning things about her that I didn't know - barriers that I thought she had that are coming down!

Day by day we're getting closer to the finish line! :D


By the way, the dining facility does have pineapple juice in the little juice cartons. I've added that to my diet.
 
#34 ·
First and foremost, I want to say THANK YOU for your service to our wonderful country! :smthumbup:

Also, I'm glad you are able to add that pineapple juice to your diet. ;) I hope that helps.

I just want to add that giving a BJ can be a great thing for a woman if she knows how to do it properly and "finish" it properly. The finish, for me, is all about going deep throat. That way all the juice just goes straight down my throat and I don't feel it in my mouth. With that said, you cannot just hold her head down there. She will need to maybe experience with this until she can get it right and it's comfortable for her to swallow, and so those darn gag reflexes to not come into play. Maybe encourage her in this way, and see what happens.

I wish you the best and keep us informed! :D :woohoo:
 
#35 ·
I admit to not reading all of the replies, but it seems (from page 1 and 3 only) that I must be in the minority of women that LOVE to give bj's! My husband gets bj's pretty much every day and I really like them, for the most part (I mean, they do get tiring, but...) It is just a beautiful thing, in my opinion, to do something that requires such little effort, lasts such little time (in the grand scheme of a day) and give the person you love the most SO MUCH pleasure! Plus, I am fairly confident that I am great at doing it. But I sure as hell don't swallow!

Now- if only my husband would reciprocate... but those issues are for another thread!

Good luck with your wife- every woman is different and good at different "tricks of the trade" :)
 
#38 ·
How many guys that are NOT getting BJ's fall into one of the below categories:

1) Do not manscape. Pubic hair everywhere.
2) Do not perform capable cunnilingus on your wife. I am not saying just licking around cluelessly but rather rocking your wife's world while you are down there...knowing where to lick, knowing how to combine your hands/fingers with your tongue and just giving your wife earth moving orgasms.
3) Do not engage in other foreplay such as soft touching, soft kisses, massage, lighting candles, putting on music, enjoying a glass of wine or two (doesn't have to be everytime, but it definitely helps set the mood). There are even fake candles now that are really just LED lights in the shape of candles that even flicker like candles and can be turned on and off with the press of a button.

Fortunately, I am the recepient of a BJ more nights than not, sometimes preceding intercourse and sometimes all on its own. But, I definitely manscape, definitely payback the favor with what I'd like to think is expert cunnilingus and when I think it is necessary, I engage in all the foreplay, candlelighting, massage, etc., which seems a small price to pay for a good BJ!!! :)
 
#39 ·
Have you considered wearing a condom? My wife will do oral to some extent, but unfortunately not with much enthusiasm and not to completion, but I think wearing a lubeless, plain condom might be the answer (I haven't tried it yet). Thanks for your service to our country, hope you get a red, white, and BJ return!
 
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