So I've been trudging through this sex in marriage thing for years. Posting on several websites like TAM, got kicked off of one, read several books and did everything I could to change myself and be a better husband.
I used to be an angry, impatient, needy, fat, insecure, lousy lover and husband.
After doing all that I could do to change the sexual dynamic in my 25 year marriage a strange thing happened along the way.
My worst negative in regards to attaining quality sex with my wife was my overt neediness. As the years have gone by while implementing all the changes, I realized that I was no longer needy. I stuffed that neediness and held it in till it almost killed me. Some of the hardest emotional wrestling I have ever done.
As you all probably know, since I don't stop talking about it, we have scheduled sex every Tuesday and Friday. Been that way for over a year. This past week my wife had a very bad period and has gotten sick with some kind of virus.
Confronted with her overall unwellness, I kindly suggested that we wait to have sex until she felt better.
My wife was shocked at my reaction. She could tell that it made NO difference to me one way or the other. I could just as easily wait to have sex or have it. Whatever.
I feel that I have reached a milestone. In the past I would fret and expose my inner neediness to my wife, figuratively begging to have sex. Realizing that I now have control over my neediness and am VERY confident in my sexual abilities gives me the luxury of not really caring if we have sex or not. I have become the one in control and my wife can sense this. I have nothing to prove to my wife.
The better I get at controlling my self, the better I actually get at sex, the less I NEED sex to affirm my manhood. My wife could not believe it and offered a BJ or handjob to hold me over. I brushed it off and said I would rather wait to have great PIV sex when she got better. I think this is the first time in my entire life that I said this and actually MEANT what I said.
It is wonderful to see that in some ways my wife actually wants sex more than I do. What a switch!!
After 25 years of marriage, enduring humiliating starfish sex for countless years, I consider our current situation a miracle. I won't take all the credit because I have been praying daily that my marital situation would change.
Well, it has changed and I thank God.
Don't give up hope! Let us help married Americans have great sex again!!
I used to be an angry, impatient, needy, fat, insecure, lousy lover and husband.
After doing all that I could do to change the sexual dynamic in my 25 year marriage a strange thing happened along the way.
My worst negative in regards to attaining quality sex with my wife was my overt neediness. As the years have gone by while implementing all the changes, I realized that I was no longer needy. I stuffed that neediness and held it in till it almost killed me. Some of the hardest emotional wrestling I have ever done.
As you all probably know, since I don't stop talking about it, we have scheduled sex every Tuesday and Friday. Been that way for over a year. This past week my wife had a very bad period and has gotten sick with some kind of virus.
Confronted with her overall unwellness, I kindly suggested that we wait to have sex until she felt better.
My wife was shocked at my reaction. She could tell that it made NO difference to me one way or the other. I could just as easily wait to have sex or have it. Whatever.
I feel that I have reached a milestone. In the past I would fret and expose my inner neediness to my wife, figuratively begging to have sex. Realizing that I now have control over my neediness and am VERY confident in my sexual abilities gives me the luxury of not really caring if we have sex or not. I have become the one in control and my wife can sense this. I have nothing to prove to my wife.
The better I get at controlling my self, the better I actually get at sex, the less I NEED sex to affirm my manhood. My wife could not believe it and offered a BJ or handjob to hold me over. I brushed it off and said I would rather wait to have great PIV sex when she got better. I think this is the first time in my entire life that I said this and actually MEANT what I said.
It is wonderful to see that in some ways my wife actually wants sex more than I do. What a switch!!
After 25 years of marriage, enduring humiliating starfish sex for countless years, I consider our current situation a miracle. I won't take all the credit because I have been praying daily that my marital situation would change.
Well, it has changed and I thank God.
Don't give up hope! Let us help married Americans have great sex again!!