There are a lot of different people in different situations. Mostly you hear from the people who are trying because the ones who aren't don't post.
A HD person posting here will talk about everything they have done to try to bring intimacy back. They are likely telling the truth. You don't hear from the HD people who are offensive or objectionable, because they don't know or don't care that there is anything to fix.
A LD person posting here will talk about every awful thing their partner has done to drive them away from sex. They are likely telling the truth. The "absolute" LDs don't think sex is important so they don't post about it.
The LD and HD both are telling the truth but they are not in a relationship with EACH OTHER, so the stories seem inconsistent. Their problem-causing partners are not here.
To answer your questions in my case:
1). As far as I know, nothing. I've asked my wife many times over the years, and long ago changed the few things she did complain about. Based on those, I dress better, I do all sorts of romantic gestures (flowers, love notes, romantic dinners, sitting on the porch watching the sunset - all things I enjoy too). That was about the total of her complaints, and fixed decades ago.
2). Yes there is more to life, but sex is one important piece. If I ask we rarely have sex. If I stop asking (for months) we rarely have sex. So I accept a sex life that consists of a HJ about once every 2 weeks, and actual sex maybe 4 times a year. To me sex is part of the difference between friendship and love. It is one link in a chain, and if that (or any other) link is missing, the relationship is bad.
3). I do everything she asks for in bed, and do my best to find new things she enjoys. She appears to have an O almost every time. She may have been faking for 30 years, but at some point, if she fakes, and lies so well that I can't tell, there isn't much I can do. I'm completely bored by standard porn, no interest in acting like that.
From what I can tell, this is completely different from the situation from yours. Your partner seems generally unpleasant, so I'm not at all surprised that you don't want sex with him. If he were posting here, I'd tell him to learn to treat the woman he loves well.
I see a lot of guys post on here about their need for sex.
1. what are you doing that is offending your wife
2. isn't there more to life than sex? Jesus. Don't you get sick of hearing yourself
3. dont treat your women like what you see on porn. it is bull****