I believe it is very possible to enjoy doing something but not get around to doing it very often.
I believe this describes my wife.
Nothing I've seen in the 8 or so years I've been with my wife would have me believe she doesn't
like sex (or more specifically, sex with me). It's simply that it's not a priority for her, for whatever reason.
For her, it's almost purely physical - it's not about the connection and the intimacy. Many people view sex this way (typically men, I think). I believe this is largely due to a person's previous experiences, whether or not they've been in loving, caring relationships, how they've been treated by members of the opposite sex, even their upbringing.
I can't speak for my wife, but I suspect she was often treated as a sex object, as well as being surrounded by men who treated women similarly (she has two unmarried older brothers, one of whom is a complete dog). She's also always worked in a very male-dominated, blue-collar industry. For the first several years we were together, she referred to sex as "getting laid", "getting lucky", that sort of thing.
For many, there's a disconnect between the physical act of sex and one's own sexuality. I don't believe my wife ever thought that she owned her sexuality, and still doesn't. To her, she still views it as something she does for me - even though she (apparently) thoroughly enjoys the physicality of it (ie. orgasms etc.) I believe this is what she has learned through her upbringing and experiences - that sex is for
men. Regardless of what pleasure she gets out of it, the ultimate goal is that it's not about her.
Therefore, regardless of the enjoyment she gets out of it, she still has that pressure of it all being 'for me', not for her. I can't convince her otherwise - that it's about both of us, or even occasionally just about her, or just about me. Trying to tell somebody they've always viewed something in the 'wrong' way is an uphill battle. And, as I alluded to, 20+ years of being made to feel (by others) that one's value is tied to something is inherently difficult to shake. Because I am her first honest-to-goodness solid 'real' relationship, and because I value her for all kinds of things, it's easy for her to subconsciously separate the two. There's marriage/relationship and there's sex. Because the emphasis, for the first time in her life, is on the relationship - not the sex - I can see how this has happened. Sex is a reminder of what others have always expected of her, and what she likely felt she was valued for, first and foremost.
The main problem I see (and I suspect that many other women are in the same boat) is that men, typically, DO always want sex. However, the dynamic changes for most of us men in relationships and marriages, or simply when we're in love. When we're single - yes, we want sex. Sex is awesome. Sex is also validation. Once we're in love, we want sex with you
, not just
sex. Yes, of course, we still have physical urges, but it's for you
. My wife can't comprehend this, and I think many women don't (judging from the amount of similar threads on TAM). My wife is not just some hot chick I see and want to bone - but this is how she views the situation. "You just want me for sex" is such a familiar refrain on TAM. For people like my wife, it comes from years of seeing it firsthand. Yes, many people you come across in your lifetime will just want you for sex. So it inevitably becomes a trust issue for many people. Failing to believe that I don't want her just for sex, or that I only see her as T&A.