This is what I want in my marriage. instead I try to balance my (lately, as in the last 6 months) perpetual arousal without shying away from nonsexual intimacy. I just wish we could set blatant signals so H would know that without orgasm in the near future I would start getting grumpy. when we we've tried that in the past, I felt like I was guilting or manipulating him -- I struggle with satiety when I feel sexual intimacy is done as a duty and not because he wants to. I could really use some advice on this!
I am not sure if this is the advice you want to hear, but when faced with this exact same scenario I would often turn down opportunities for sex when my wife was not really into it. It was not only until that we really began communicating that I discovered that doing this AND feeling that way made HER feel rejected sexually. This in turn made sexuality in our relationship even more stressful for both of us.
While easier said than done, if your spouse wants to or is willing to please you when they themselves are not really in the mood, simply enjoy it, be very easy to please, and compliment your partner in the process. This in turn builds confidence and playfulness in the relationship as opposed to stress and anxiety.
The worst thing you can do is to want your partner to want you sexually, and then preemptively try to get them into the mood just because you are aroused and are wanting to feel the connection of being in sync with your spouse. Awkwardly it works way better just to show a spouse how aroused you are and then tell them they can't have that! THEN be playful and confident until your partner remembers the thrill of the chase!
I struggle with myself when I start getting too needy, and our schedules are too overloaded for intimacy. Then I get pushy and she gets frustrated with me. To some extent I think moments like that are just unavoidable but do seem to get a little better with communication so that your partner knows what to expect. Sometimes this will involve avoiding nonsexual intimacy in the event your partner is not in the mood for you to get pushy, AND you have to communicate that BEFORE things get to heated up so that it is easier to avoid your feeling getting hurt.
I'm just learning this...