Blow job all of a sudden - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #61 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 03:31 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
Nah, some of us just enjoy giving BJ's because it turns us on.


Good to know some females love giving blowjobs to turn then on


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post #62 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 08:02 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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nah, some of us just enjoy giving bj's because it turns us on.
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post #63 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 08:28 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
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Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
Nah, some of us just enjoy giving BJ's because it turns us on.
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Originally Posted by Middle of Everything View Post

I hope more women think like this. Because this is why I go down on my wife. It turns me on. I can easily make her cum this way and I love making her feel good like that.
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Originally Posted by xxxSHxYZxxx View Post
That is selfish. What's wrong with giving a blow job just because?

I agree with all of this, too (though not to the point where it truly upsets me!) I just think the whole notion of doing or not doing sexual things for your partner is blown out of proportion. As is commonplace with sex and sexuality.

I can't think of another subject in the realm of marriage/relationships that people draw such a hard line on. It's all black and white, all the time.

It's hard to explain what oral sex means to many men, and it's one of those things that many women don't 'get'. For most of us, it's waaay more than just getting off. For me, it shows that my partner is thinking of me, the same I would think of her desire for a, say, long, loving, non-sexual massage (something many of us guys ruin by turning into a sexual thing).

If my wife has to routinely ask for a massage, it doesn't mean the same to her. If I respond in the affirmative but am clearly reluctant to do so, or put conditions on it (it'll be quick, my hands hurt, I have to get up early in the morning), it doesn't mean the same to her. If I do it, but it's clear I'm not into it and I'm going through the motions, it doesn't mean the same to her.

However, if I happily volunteer to give her a massage, and I put some effort into it, it means the world to her. It really does. It's not the massage that's the point, it's that I voluntarily did it and put some effort into it, for her sake. The nice massage is the bonus. It's the knowledge that I WANTED to do it that makes it what it is.

The other thing I've picked up on over the years is that oral sex is a very different subject between the two sexes. For many/most women, oral sex alone is not particularly desirable. It's like an appetizer of sorts. The real desire is for PIV. So women view the subject in their own way, not through the eyes of the typical man. Recognizing the differing viewpoints on the subject, rather than viewing it solely from your own, is key to a healthy and mutually gratifying sex life, IMO.

It's also worth noting that many women don't particularly enjoy being the only one satisfied, for whatever reason. My wife is totally like this. I appreciate it, but there are times where I absolutely don't mind that she's the only one satisfied. It's like a failure on her part or something.

Furthermore, and this could be contentious, is that both women AND men most certainly do act one way prior to marriage/LTR, and once they've 'locked down' a partner (ostensibly for life) no longer feel the need to continue acting that way. I'm not saying it's always a conscious decision, either - it's not.

The best marriages and relationships are the ones where you do the same things you did for/with your partner in the early days, for the same reasons. I hate the term 'bait and switch', but it's apt. So with the example of BJ's - it's not necessarily an expectation that they will continue for the duration of the relationship simply for the sake of getting BJ's, but more the expectation that your partner will always think the effort (or YOU) are worth it for the duration of the relationship. At one point in time, he/she did certain things to make you happy, to show that THEY are a worthy partner, that they are thinking of you, etc etc etc. We all do this, to a certain extent, and many of us eventually get away from doing those things. I'm sure I'm guilty of it, too.

So at one point, our partners thought us worthy of 'x, y or z', and now they no longer do. It's not so much the fact that (BJ's for example) no longer occur, it's the underlying feeling that our partners no longer feel it (or we) are worth it, or that the return isn't worth the effort. That's a sad way of thinking, IMO.

A little selflessness goes a long way.

Last edited by alexm; 11-22-2016 at 08:39 AM.
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post #64 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 01:04 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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It's hard to explain what oral sex means to many men, and it's one of those things that many women don't 'get'. For most of us, it's waaay more than just getting off. For me, it shows that my partner is thinking of me, the same I would think of her desire for a, say, long, loving, non-sexual massage (something many of us guys ruin by turning into a sexual thing).
This is all about givers and takers.

Givers think about the happiness of their partner.

Takers think about their own happiness.

Takers and givers usually find a way to meet each other. Takers marrying takers is a mess and givers marrying givers tends to lack passion and be boring.

Takers want partners for their own happiness. If giving is required to acquire a partner, they'll give. Once they have the partner, giving is no longer a priority (and this isn't usually conscious).

Givers don't stop giving once they've acquired a partner, it's their nature.

Expecting the taker to just give because that's how the giver would behave is the road to resentment.

The best way to deal with this imbalance is for the giver to make sure that the taker knows that the giver has no intention of giving forever with no reciprocation.
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post #65 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 01:17 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

The OP certainly should be worried. I think he should start full blown dark recognizance. Something caused this and he needs to find out what it was,

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #66 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 01:38 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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The OP certainly should be worried. I think he should start full blown dark recognizance. Something caused this and he needs to find out what it was,
Nah, I think She'sStillGotIt got it......

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I'm thinking it was some kind of challenge - like that ice bucket challenge that went around the internet.

Some women on some message board or in some chat room challenged each other to give their husband's BJs when they least expected it.
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post #67 of 86 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 08:01 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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Good to know some females love giving blowjobs to turn then on


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You know what's interesting about my wife? About half the time she gives me oral (as foreplay), I have to pry her off of me. A few weeks ago, I couldn't, and it was too late, and she was fine with it. Pleased, actually.

For somebody who once told me she "hates" it, it's very confusing!
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post #68 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 10:16 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

Why does everyone jump to the conclusion something must be wrong if something has changed? Not all changes are BAD. I've been WANTING to give my husband more BJ's lately, but I seem to be shy on how to approach them randomly. I'm afraid he'll either think something is up with me and I'll get the third degree. Truth is, I feel like he should be rewarded witha blow job every now and then, lol. It's legit that simple. I try to condition blow jobs with good behaviour or blow jobs if he's done something to really please me. Also, I just want to suck a **** now and then.
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post #69 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 10:35 AM
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Blow job all of a sudden

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
Why does everyone jump to the conclusion something must be wrong if something has changed? Not all changes are BAD. I've been WANTING to give my husband more BJ's lately, but I seem to be shy on how to approach them randomly. I'm afraid he'll either think something is up with me and I'll get the third degree. Truth is, I feel like he should be rewarded witha blow job every now and then, lol. It's legit that simple. I try to condition blow jobs with good behaviour or blow jobs if he's done something to really please me. Also, I just want to suck a **** now and then.


I wish if i have had a female in my life like you .... whoa !!!!! This feeling of urs is sooooooooooo awesome


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post #70 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 10:56 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

@hawx20 how are things going are you still being blessed?
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post #71 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:30 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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I try to condition blow jobs with good behaviour or blow jobs if he's done something to really please me.
I couldn't decide which image I liked better so I used both.




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post #72 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 08:43 AM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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I couldn't decide which image I liked better so I used both.



Sums up my approach pretty accurately! That's why I chose the word "condition," . Hate it or love it - it works. Works on women, too. But obviously BJs are replaced with something else... $$$ <3 <3 <3
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post #73 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:33 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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I try to condition blow jobs with good behaviour or blow jobs if he's done something to really please me.
Sex as a reward? Do you withhold sex for bad behavior?
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post #74 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 02:13 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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Sex as a reward? Do you withhold sex for bad behavior?
I don't see sex as a reward being okay.

But I can see not having sex with an a$$hole or someone who doesn't care about your needs.

So, as a "reward" for a good relationship? Maybe.
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post #75 of 86 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:55 PM
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Re: Blow job all of a sudden

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Sex as a reward? Do you withhold sex for bad behavior?
No no. Conditioning is positive reinforcement only, lol. I don't with hold if I'm angry or sad or whatever. And I don't do it specifically because he's done something "good". I'm just more likely to WANT to do it so therefore it gets done.

Trust me, your wives do it, too. They may just not be aware they're "conditioning" you, but my guess if you pay attention you'll notice a this-begets-that type of dynamic.
Clean the kitchen and make her dinner and tell me if you get laid and she looks like she enjoys it more. Seriously. Do it. I'm curious.
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