Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I know that there are several guys out there that have either read the "Married Man Sex Life Primer" or the blog. I thought I would start a post to share your successes, failures, thoughts, insights or how you are working through the concepts.
For me, I am totally Beta and need to lean to add Alpha. (I am also reading "No More Mr Nice Guy")
Here are some things I do not need to worry about:
1. Working out. I have been running for 2 years and keep at a healthy weight.
Here are some things I am starting immediately:
1. Taking total control of our sex. Most of the time she will not initiate...get over it. Fortunately she responds most of the time and even though she was not really into it at the beginning, she ends up really into it and has a huge orgasm.
2. If she is too tired to get into it, the accept her willing pu$$y and go for it.
3. Take the lead in all areas of our relationship. Instead of, "Where do you want to eat," it will be, "Lets go here" and let her suggest something else if she wants to.
That is a start...I am really new at this...like one week.
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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
I am not a guy, but I do go out and occasionally read through the blog. Maybe aside from some of the more juvenile language (sorry Athol) that probably speaks more to men (which is his target audience anyway), I don't have too much of a problem with most of the concepts. I do find a few things far out there, but I don't usually agree with anything 100%. I take what speaks to me, and leave the rest. My H could care less about looking at the blog or book, and mostly I don't think he needs to, but I have fun comparing what Athol says versus what happens in our marriage and how my H acts.
As long as a husband is being considerate of his wife and being neither overly obsequious nor overly domineering, it it all good.
However, you do need to make sure that in the 'leading' you don't become domineering or insensitive. If your wife is well and truly not up for sex, you may have better success waiting for a more opportune time and not make too much of a habit to just take - duty sex all the time is pretty pitiful and morale-debilitating in my opinion - on both people's parts.
As long as a husband is being considerate of his wife and being neither overly obsequious nor overly domineering, it it all good.
However, you do need to make sure that in the 'leading' you don't become domineering or insensitive. If your wife is well and truly not up for sex, you may have better success waiting for a more opportune time and not make too much of a habit to just take - duty sex all the time is pretty pitiful and morale-debilitating in my opinion - on both people's parts.
Your wife sounds like a lucky lady.
Best wishes.
Thanks for the "best wishes!" Believe me, being insensitive or domineering is not my nature. In fact, just the opposite. Some "Alpha" added in will only help. There is also no "duty sex" here, just a willingness to meet the others need.
When I read the post on the MMSL site about the wife not needing an orgasm, but saying, "Go ahead...have some fun!" My wife said, "That is what I have trying to tell you!"
Just to give an example though, yesterday morning, I did not ask her, I just snuggled up, started kissing her passionately, and exhibited the attitude like, "I have to have you NOW." At one point I said, "I want you on top of me," which she gladly did. I must say, judging from her loud moaning, I rocked her world!
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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
I read Athol's site, but I would say read it with a pinch of salt. There are some nuggets of pure gold in there, but there are some steaming turds too. Pick through it carefully, take what works for you, ignore or laugh about the rest.
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Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Some good some bad. The premise is good.... I do a combination of books and even though sex has not happened yet. Fingers crossed 4 tonight...I've certainly built a good foundation for great sex in our future.
My wife is great right now in all other areas... sex is just a matter of time.
MMSL + Calle Zorro + His needs Her needs + PM Help
I Bought the book cause I buy a ton of books, read half of it off & on. One of the more interesting points in this book, for me... is ....... BETA men make better lovers because they are naturally more into pleasing their women, I already knew this of coarse, but so nice to see it admitted in print in a book as highly praised as this one is.
Even Athol admits he is naturally more on the Beta side, but of coarse all men need a nice dose of both the Alpha and Beta traits to be the best men they can be.
I read Athol's site, but I would say read it with a pinch of salt. There are some nuggets of pure gold in there, but there are some steaming turds too. Pick through it carefully, take what works for you, ignore or laugh about the rest.
Curious about which bits are the "steaming turds".
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The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
Curious about which bits are the "steaming turds".
Anything that involves advice to flirt with other women. 99% of the time this will get you the cold shoulder, accusations of infidelity or a smack round the face - or all of the above. Sorry, but that entire line of reasoning is a crock of ****. Maybe it does work 1% of the time, but hey, just because a stopped clock is right twice a day doesn't mean it's actually any use to most people.
Oh, and anything that involves a reference to any science fiction film / tv series / book / comic
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Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Last edited by Sawney Beane; 12-04-2011 at 03:48 AM.
Anything that involves advice to flirt with other women. 99% of the time this will get you the cold shoulder, accusations of infidelity or a smack round the face - or all of the above. Sorry, but that entire line of reasoning is a crock of ****. Maybe it does work 1% of the time, but hey, just because a stopped clock is right twice a day doesn't mean it's actually any use to most people.
Oh, and anything that involves a reference to any science fiction film / tv series / book / comic
Well I feel like a monsterous T-Rex on the landscape if I'm leaving huge steaming turds that are talked about.
__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
Disagree w Beane - at least on the flirting thing, per se. When reading ANY of these types of discussions/books it is naive to take things too literally. The flirting thing is goes back to the pre-approval concept. "Optimizing" situations which demonstrate that you are of "value" to others is very potent (hot!) in drawing/redrawing the desired ones interest. Of course, as is the case with any power tool, it can be misused and dangerous. Posted via Mobile Device
Disagree w Beane - at least on the flirting thing, per se. When reading ANY of these types of discussions/books it is naive to take things too literally. The flirting thing is goes back to the pre-approval concept. "Optimizing" situations which demonstrate that you are of "value" to others is very potent (hot!) in drawing/redrawing the desired ones interest. Of course, as is the case with any power tool, it can be misused and dangerous.
I do agree with these things, my husband has never been a flirter, he is too quiet accually (unlike myself of coarse) and I have felt my temperature rising for him when I witnessed him
engaged talking to younger hotter women, he wasn't even flirting, but still "I kinda liked it", made me WANT HIM MORE SO-- I really think had he been more of a conversationalist over the years with other women, I might have even been MORE attracted to him -when I otherwise took him for granted....it certainly would have caught my attentions.
.....there is some added attraction feature to this- at least it works for this woman! I was not overtaken by jealousy either. He was not doing anything wrong. He was not overstepping any of our boundaries.
....it recommends a # of things couples can do to "jump start" attraction if it has been lost.........one thing is........go to a Bar, but enter separately like you are not together...... each sit away from each other and just WATCH as the other engages in conversation with the opposite sex ...just seeing how someone else may be interested in our mate -somehow influences our LUST for them. If there is no pangs of jealousy rising within you for witnessing this, well this isn't a good sign, if so, you have something to work with.
Something to that effect. Of coarse all things in moderation, and not to intentionally hurt our spouses.
OK, maybe it works for some people but I have only ever seen people get slapped around the face or left stood at the bar or abandoned in a restaurant for flirting. It seems roughly the sexual equivalent of poking yourself in the eye with a sharp stick to improve your vision.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Anything that involves advice to flirt with other women. 99% of the time this will get you the cold shoulder, accusations of infidelity or a smack round the face - or all of the above. Sorry, but that entire line of reasoning is a crock of ****. Maybe it does work 1% of the time, but hey, just because a stopped clock is right twice a day doesn't mean it's actually any use to most people.
Oh, and anything that involves a reference to any science fiction film / tv series / book / comic
I actually agree with your assertion on flirting. Because the 'hottest' thing is when your husband is with you, someone eyes him or flirts with him, and he still only turns his attention to you and ignores the flirting. THAT is hot. The other - with him openly flirting with someone else - huge turn-off. Maybe it works different during dating or when you are in a rotten marriage , but I don't see that working well in a good marriage. At least my H would be in the doghouse if he openly flirted with someone else.
And, I don't mind the Trekkie references. I've always loved Star Trek.
Any Other "Married Man Sex Life" Readers? 
