Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Hello, I have been married for 7 tears now and I am very happy. I truly love my wife. I have a foot fetish which my wife really is not into. She has indulged it a few times but usually complains while it is happening. My question is would it be really wrong of me to go to a "provider" for this fetish? Nothing else would happen this is all I am interested in. I would truly like to enjoy it once with out having any complaints during it. She thinks it is weird.
Your foot fetish is sexual in nature, and therefor I would highly suggest against going outside the marriage to have this need met, unless your wife gave it the ok. Even if wifey is ok with it, understand that even though she says, "ok" now, she is allowed to change her mind in the future and the two of you will bear the consequences.
Im not overly familiar with this particular fetish, other than knowing it is quite common, but wonder if something like providing your wife with regular foot massages might do the trick?
Who knows, maybe she will be ok with regular foot rubs and she could possibly get comfortable with something more.
As a foot fetish man a foot rub with noting more is like torture. This is one of the reasons why I never held back on my fetish while dating. Those not into it...it would never work out and you move on. It is an essential part of sexuality for me even though I dont need to even look at her feet to have sex with her.
Did you not find this out before marriage? If it's important enough for you to consider cheating, I figure you made sure she was cool with it while dating?
I think going to a "provider" to meet this need is a mistake. But don't ask us, ask your wife. Would she agree to it (i.e. agree to you going to a "provider")? It's such a harmless, easy need to meet, I think she's being incredibly foolish (and selfish) to not embrace it.
Hello, I have been married for 7 tears now and I am very happy. I truly love my wife. I have a foot fetish which my wife really is not into. She has indulged it a few times but usually complains while it is happening. My question is would it be really wrong of me to go to a "provider" for this fetish? Nothing else would happen this is all I am interested in. I would truly like to enjoy it once with out having any complaints during it. She thinks it is weird.
I guess this is why i always questioned whether or not my appreciation for my wife's feet was actually a fetish. I'm not sure what you mean by a "provider" and I'm not sure what is going on that your wife doesn't like. I always though my x's feet were sexy. that just meant she got a lot of foot rubs while we watched tv, I polished her nails from time to time, and If we got in a whacky position during sex and her feet ended up in my face, that was ok. Otherwise, I'm not sure what a foot detish provider actually provides.
How honest have you been with your wife about this fetish? Does she know how important it is for you or have you tried to make light of it, worried that she would think you were even "weirder" if you told her how deep this desire really is?
It's hard for me to understand her complaining during it. Why even go along at all if she's just going to complain about it? I've been with partners (including one with a foot/leg fetish) who had desires that didn't necessarily match up 100% with mine, but fulfilling those desires was at least somewhat pleasurable for me because I enjoyed giving them pleasure.
I know that there are fetishes out there that a partner would have a hard time going along with if they weren't into it themselves, but a foot fetish seems pretty benign and I don't see how it would cause undue stress.
Maybe you could try a little education? Foot fetishes are very common. Maybe if you direct your wife to some literature and statistics regarding it, she might hopefully come to realize that it's not as "weird" as she thinks just because it's not *her* fetish.
If all communication avenues including some heart-to-heart talking and education are exhausted with no luck, you could consider approaching your wife to get permission to go to a professional for this. You know your wife, but we don't. How would she react to that request? You would need to be honest with her, though, because this IS a sexual fetish. It would be wrong, IMO, to go see a pro without telling her first and getting her okay on it.
A sexual fixation on a non-sexual part of the body is not a fetish
Anyone who says differently, including sex therapists, marriage counselors and others who really should know better is wrong.
According to both the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV-TR, a 'fetish' is a sexual fixation on an inanimate object, like stockings or undergarments. It is considered to be a psychological disorder.
A sexual fixation on a non-sexual part of the body can be considered a related paraphilia called a 'partialism' if and when it supplants an interest in the sexual parts of the body.
Usually, that's not the case. A great many women like an expressive set of eyes on an attractive man and a great many men like a shapely set of legs on an attractive woman. Arousal from non-sexual parts of the body is normative when it's a stepping stone to further intimacy.
Hello, I have been married for 7 tears now and I am very happy. I truly love my wife. I have a foot fetish which my wife really is not into. She has indulged it a few times but usually complains while it is happening. My question is would it be really wrong of me to go to a "provider" for this fetish? Nothing else would happen this is all I am interested in. I would truly like to enjoy it once with out having any complaints during it. She thinks it is weird.
I'm not sure, but I'm gonna say if it's okay with your wife for you to see someone else just for that, then it may be okay and not harmful to your relationship. I say this as someone who is married to a spouse with various fetishes that I don't share, and I've said she can indulge them elsewhere once we've talked about it first.
Also, sometimes if you're outside a given fetish, it just doesn't bother you if your spouse is involved with it the way it would if you actually shared that fetish, at least this is how I feel. For example, my wife was fondled by a foot fetishist in a book store a few years back. She came and got me elsewhere in the store and told me what happened. She was happy about it but told me anyway, which I appreciated. She thought I would be angry but the guy had left already and I wasn't angry at all. I guess I should have been but it just didn't "translate" for me at all because that fetish means nothing. I get that he got off on it, and if he had stuck around or tried something else, there would have been a problem. But for me at least, not sharing that fetish, the whole jealousy angle just doesn't exist so I had no problem. Plus it was so odd to me that it was more funny than anything else. We just laugh about now anyway. So anyway, if your wife is okay with you seeing another for that, I don't see it being a problem, but make sure she is really okay with it.
For example, my wife was fondled by a foot fetishist in a book store a few years back. She came and got me elsewhere in the store and told me what happened.
foot fetish 
