Just trying to get to the kissing stages again!!

blueskies30 · 12-04-2011, 12:02 AM

I know I need to be patient, but I'm starting to go nuts daydreaming about my husband!!!

We are in a seperation and are working on reconsiling our marriage. Our sex life really really sucked before our huge blow up that caused this seperation. We have been talking since Oct 3rd and are only to the looong tight hug at the end of a visit(which really is a good sign) and at family functions we sit next to eachother. We do not kiss or hold hands. I'm so missing the electrifying kisses!!!

He says that he just can't get that close yet because he is really hurt about how things went down. We have just went to our first MC counseling yesterday, so hopefully he will be able to get to the kissing stage soon. My passion keeps growing and growing and its starting to drive me crazy!!!

This section is really helping me with ideas that I can do once he is ready and feels much less hurt. I never tried most of these ideas when I was wanting to increase or sex life.

What can I do that is sort of suttle and not too pushing to get him to think of me in more passion and sexual way to maybe make him start wanting to kiss me again too?

Any suggestions I would really really appreciate. I'm just dying to at least be kissed!!!!

accept · 12-04-2011, 04:06 AM

He says that he just can't get that close yet because he is really hurt about how things went down.
Unless we know why he is so hurt it is hard to offer advice.

blueskies30 · 12-05-2011, 12:36 AM

This is sort of a long story how the seperation happened, but I will try to shorten it up.

My husband has an anger issue and over teh years we have grown distant. I had grown afraid of him for good reasons. I felt like we were roommates and was so lonely that I kept myself very busy to not think about the loneliness. I started staying up really late at night because I had a friendship on FB that started to go to EA. This person was in another state and we mostly talked about growing up as we went to the same school and I was missing my home state and town.

My husband was trying to ask me for about a week what was going on. He was really worried about me he said, cause I was not sleeping. So a few days later he really was prying for info. he threw things all over the house and slammed things for about 4 hrs. I got a restraiing order after that, that went permanent a week after he was served. We did not communicate except for bills and kids for a month. Then the next day after he was served with divorce papers he asked me if I really wanted the divorce.

I actually thought he wanted teh divorce for years, so I was really really surprised that he asked me if I was seriously wanting divorce, especially since he was trying to have me served first.

So we have been communicating since Oct 3rd. Restraining order was dropped totally after a month of us communicating mostly through email.

We have completed our first MC last Friday and he seems a little better. Our next MC is not scheduled yet, not sure if we have time with his work schedule before the end of the year.

Today he came over to fix something, when he was finished he sat on the couch watching TV for about an hour. This was the first time he sat in his old spot and sort of acted like he lived at home again. After he left he text and said it was really nice.

So I hope with time and more communication that we continue to grow closure.

I have been reading a lot of threads on this section and am learning a lot of things to spice stuff up that I didn't do when activly in the marriage. I hope I might be able try some in the next 3 months or so.

Enchantment · 12-05-2011, 09:27 AM

What's he been doing to address his anger issue?

blueskies30 · 12-05-2011, 09:52 AM

Husband was going to IC before the seperation and was taking a mood stabilizer. During the seperation of NC he decided he was going to change for himself and kids, not just for me.

Another medication was added during the seperation and he says he has been on it for 2 months.

When I ask him if he is mad...since I still react and ask after certain triggers that I'm used to him having anger, he says he does not get mad anymore, Anger only gets him kicked out of the house or taken to jail.