Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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In other words, if you do the right thing, she will divorce you? Convenient, that...

One thing you need to start right now is following your principles, whether your wayward wife agrees with them or not.

Frankly, my wife told me that the only way she would stay with me was for me to compromise my principles, she would quickly find herself having the opportunity to exercise that threat.

That is one of many differences between a strong and weak man.

I can see where this goes.. And I'll still have the option of exposing them... But if I expose them first.. There is no option of seeing where this goes.. Ya know? It's not like she'll respect me for displaying "strength" and get back with me after that... And despite how horrible she has been... I can't let 4 months tear apart 11 years without a fight
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post #47 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 11:51 AM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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In other words, if you do the right thing, she will divorce you? Convenient, that...

One thing you need to start right now is following your principles, whether your wayward wife agrees with them or not.

Frankly, my wife told me that the only way she would stay with me was for me to compromise my principles, she would quickly find herself having the opportunity to exercise that threat.

That is one of many differences between a strong and weak man.
I think the motives are at least as important as the principles, far.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #48 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 11:54 AM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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I can see where this goes.. And I'll still have the option of exposing them... But if I expose them first.. There is no option of seeing where this goes.. Ya know? It's not like she'll respect me for displaying "strength" and get back with me after that... And despite how horrible she has been... I can't let 4 months tear apart 11 years without a fight
Does she understand he does not love her? That he was only using her?

And will go on to use other girls, if there are no consequences (and may even if there are)?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #49 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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Does she understand he does not love her? That he was only using her?

And will go on to use other girls, if there are no consequences (and may even if there are)?

I have said this to her.. That it doesn't make sense that she can't trust me after what I said... But she can trust someone like him?! Someone willing to cheat on their pregnant wife! Is that really someone she wants to be with?! And she denies that anything sexual was ever going to come from it.. Just "friends" and all that talk was just "joking" ...even if that were true (which there's no way in hell it is). I'm not stupid and I know what would happen if the two of them got together alone with alcohol involved... I told her she's throwing away a third of her life for a temporary f@ck buddy... She didn't really say much after that.. But I don't think it really hit her like it should have..

Last edited by allnamesaretaken; 12-02-2016 at 12:03 PM. Reason: Oops
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post #50 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:03 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

You are missing the point?

First, it is emotional blackmail.

Second, why would you consider where it goes? That is an exercise in compromising what you feel to be incredibly important. In other words, subverting something you feel to be immensely important in order to protect the reputation of your WW; allowing someone else to be exposed to continued hurt; to be exposed to STD's; to be lied to.

You are enabling that, and if you can look yourself in the mirror while it happens, knowing you have the ability to give the truth to someone, I think you need to do a character assessment.

Her demanding such, and you enabling such, is the epitome of selfishness.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #51 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:04 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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I think the motives are at least as important as the principles, far.
On a much more limited basis.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #52 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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I have said this to her.. That it doesn't make sense that she can't trust me after what I said... But she can trust someone like him?! Someone willing to cheat on their pregnant wife! Is that really someone she wants to be with?! And she denies that anything sexual was ever going to come from it.. Just "friends" and all that talk was just "joking" ...even if that were true (which there's no way in hell it is). I'm not stupid and I know what would happen if the two of them got together alone with alcohol involved... I told her she's throwing away a third of her life for a temporary f@ck buddy... She didn't really say much after that.. But I don't think it really hit her like it should have..
Wow. Did you read that link I posted? You really need to. She really does not trust you.

I am worried for her. She is headed for deeper trouble if she cannot see all this.

If you are strong, and you really love her, you will not abandon her.

What do you think the consequences of workplace exposure would be? Not just exposure to his wife, but to his work?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #53 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:09 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

@allnamesaretaken, You have an answer for every bit of advice that's given. Why are you here?

You are very fearful of failing and frozen in your shoes. Unless you ignore that fear, you will have no chance at success.

To save your marriage is worthy. To save it at any cost is foolish and will bite you in the rear end.

Unless you're willing to walk away, and she knows it, you will not have a chance at success.

Did you read the link (NMMNG) yet?

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

Be a better man... / ADHD and Marriage

Last edited by anchorwatch; 12-02-2016 at 12:16 PM.
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post #54 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:11 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
On a much more limited basis.
Completely disagree, far.

What do you think the point of principles is? Just to have principles?

They are the tools of wisdom. But wisdom requires discernment. And the whole basis of wisdom, of all principles, is love.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #55 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:12 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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Completely disagree, far.

What do you think the point of principles is? Just to have principles?

They are the tools of wisdom. But wisdom requires discernment. And the whole basis of wisdom, of all principles, is love.
Which is exactly why exposure is necessary if he is trying to reconcile.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #56 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:16 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Which is exactly why exposure is necessary if he is trying to reconcile.
I don't know if it is necessary, but it could hasten it.

I do think there could be other benefits, though.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #57 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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@allnamesaretaken, You have an answer for every bit of advice that's given. Why are you here?

You are very fearful of failing and frozen in your shoes. Unless you ignore that fear, you will have no chance at success.

To save your marriage is worthy. To save it at any cost is foolish and will bite you in the rear end.

Did you read the link (NMMNG) yet?

I know I'm responding to everything... It's because I've done way more thinking than talking over the past few months. I have a very limited number of people to talk to about this in my real life.... All of them taking sides by relation...I'm finally getting different viewpoints from unbiased minds... Whether I agree or not.. Its good to hear and discuss where these things could possibly lead

And no I haven't read but I plan on it tonight
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post #58 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:27 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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Your passivity makes you look weak, pathetic, and needy.

You're like a stray dog following her around begging her for a pat on the head. That is SO unattractive.

This is what she's learned about you - she can cheat on you, lie to your face, disrespect you to the core, act as though you've got the plague because she's now repulsed by your touch, treat you like you're a non-entity, tell you she's no longer in love with you - and there you are, begging for crumbs from her and seeing some piteous afterthought of an invitation for you to go to her brother's as some kind of 'progress.'

You've swallowed your pride and your dignity and have become this sniveling little emotional mess who has absolutely no power at ALL over your situation. You've allowed yourself to be treated like sh*t every single day and let HER call all the shots because you're so damned afraid to lose this supposed prize that you married.

So very, very unattractive.

You can call me 'mean' all you want. It doesn't change the truth.

You need to man the hell up, find your pride, find your dignity, and stop cowering in fear and helplessness while she walks all over you and tells YOU how things are going to go. You're doing the "pick me!" dance and it's about the most degrading and humiliating thing a BS can do.

Just stop it.
Every jelly-spined guy (definitely not "man") who comes here whimpering "Why doesn't my wife-mommy wuv me anymore?" needs to read this. From what I read here, you sound gross. Are you a prize? Are you worth treating well? Are you worth banging with enthusiasm? If you are, then you are the problem: you have value and are too weak to embrace that and all that it entails, so you suffer at the hands of someone who treats you poorly and you somehow find (really, invent out of whole cloth) enough value in that person that you want to keep your life prospects tied to her. If you aren't, then you are the problem: whether it's right or wrong, low value people are not respected and they tend to get treated poorly.

Kill your ego and get this through your head: she was eagerly lining up a chance to rendezvous with another guy to bang him, while your touch makes her flinch. It's one thing for a wife's attraction or libido to tank over time. It's another thing for her to actively seek out an opportunity to ride some other guy while being deeply repulsed by her husband's touch. He gives her the tingles and gets her wet. Not only does she stay dry as the Sahara for you, you creep her out.

Find or create genuine value in yourself and then act in a way that is congruent with that. You're in a mental prison of your own creation and you keep fortifying the walls.
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post #59 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:35 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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I can see where this goes.. And I'll still have the option of exposing them... But if I expose them first.. There is no option of seeing where this goes.. Ya know? It's not like she'll respect me for displaying "strength" and get back with me after that... And despite how horrible she has been... I can't let 4 months tear apart 11 years without a fight
Actually, in all my 15+ years of doing this, this is EXACTLY what would happen. The ONLY marriages - I can think of about 10 in all those years - I've seen come back from women cheating occurred when the husband blew up the affair, no matter WHAT she said, and then told her to make up her mind. NOW.

Of course, most men are scared sh&tless of standing up to their wives that way and hem and haw and wait and hope and kiss her ass so she stay...which disgusts her so that she leaves anyway.

Women CRAVE strong men. It's in our DNA. You sitting back and waiting it out is exactly the best way to lose your wife.
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post #60 of 105 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 12:40 PM
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Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex

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Wow. Did you read that link I posted? You really need to. She really does not trust you.

I am worried for her. She is headed for deeper trouble if she cannot see all this.

If you are strong, and you really love her, you will not abandon her.

What do you think the consequences of workplace exposure would be? Not just exposure to his wife, but to his work?
Oh My Goodness.
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