Re: Its me again! Wife had EA and no longer wants sex
Look, an EA that blossoms into planning to get together to screw each other silly is a deal-breaker for me. I'd already be at the lawyer's office and the next thing I'd be doing is lining up dates for this weekend. But, fine, you want to try to save things. In that case, ACT LIKE YOU REALLY MEAN IT! Oh, dear heavens, the marriage might not survive her having to leave a job where she was canoodling with one of her co-workers. But, you think it can survive her (nearly or actually) getting railed by some other guy while she practically pukes when you make contact with her. You're in a desperate scramble to make her feel good and to keep her from being angry at you, because you have the screwed-up idea that attraction and respect flow from making your wife happy and making her life comfortable. It's understandable that you'd think that, since it's the message that gets drummed into our heads since childhood. But it's false and just mind poison.
I'm not saying you should be a jerk to her just for the sake of being a jerk. Don't be a child. But being an adult and taking care of adult problems in adult ways, often involves a helluva lot of bad feelings and discomfort along the way. Do the work to fix yourself and then assess whether the marriage can be saved and is worth saving. And if she walks before you get to the point where you've sorted that all out, the only real response to that is "The door's right there." And then move on to living an awesome life for yourself.
To be clear, the problem really isn't the job, though. If she leaves the job, she could meet some other guy at church, the grocery store, on a dating site, or wherever. She's obviously hot to trot right now, whatever you might think of her ardor for the guy at working having cooled (which, of course, you're wrong about: she has just taken it underground or is just biding her time until she thinks she has another open opportunity with him). The problem is that she has zero respect for you and it's pretty clear she's just reflecting back to you your own assessment of yourself. It's going to take the iron will of Stalin to right your ship and it really has nothing to do with you putting limits on her behavior. It has everything to do with what sort of value you place on yourself, what boundaries you establish for yourself and how you enforce them, and un-fvcking your mind and perhaps your body. The bad news is that you're a mess. The good news is that the only thing you can control is you, so you are able to fix the real problem.