Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Aww, I think it was very well written regardless if it's been done to death. I'm sure that took a long time to write and those of us new to the boards might not have read all the old ones. Thanks for sharing!
As the OP of this beaten to death topic I am simply shocked at how many women simply DON’T get the whole sex and/or BJ part.
I have a close friend who is in the process of ditching his wife of 11 years because of the lack of sex/bjs. They have 4 great kids. He is successful, good looking, and a caring and loving Dad. He seems to treat his wife well at least superficially. Granted he is probably not perfect. Her H suggested OK if you don’t like/enjoy sex can I at least get a BJ once in a while which she refused. She has reported to my wife “she just doesn’t like sex” and thinks BJ are just gross. My wife hinted to her she may want to try and try and like (or at least tolerate) one for her H, family and marriage.
I am thinking here is a women who is going to cause herself irreparable harm to her and her family. I know her H has had several conversations and her position has kind of been “well that is just me”..so in other words “deal with it”.
Not to sound callus but, can you blame the guy?
I have faith that many women glaze over yet another BJ post because they may feel it does not affect them. Based upon conversations with my wife, my friends, etc. some women still don’t quite get the whole sex and or BJ thing. Just like some of us men are clueless about improving our listening skills, speaking nicely to our wives etc. Quite frankly if my redundant, verbose post gets one women to “get it” my erratic typing was well worth it.
As the OP of this beaten to death topic I am simply shocked at how many women simply DON’T get the whole sex and/or BJ part.
I have a close friend who is in the process of ditching his wife of 11 years because of the lack of sex/bjs. They have 4 great kids. He is successful, good looking, and a caring and loving Dad. He seems to treat his wife well at least superficially. Granted he is probably not perfect. Her H suggested OK if you don’t like/enjoy sex can I at least get a BJ once in a while which she refused. She has reported to my wife “she just doesn’t like sex” and thinks BJ are just gross. My wife hinted to her she may want to try and try and like (or at least tolerate) one for her H, family and marriage.
I am thinking here is a women who is going to cause herself irreparable harm to her and her family. I know her H has had several conversations and her position has kind of been “well that is just me”..so in other words “deal with it”.
Not to sound callus but, can you blame the guy?
I have faith that many women glaze over yet another BJ post because they may feel it does not affect them. Based upon conversations with my wife, my friends, etc. some women still don’t quite get the whole sex and or BJ thing. Just like some of us men are clueless about improving our listening skills, speaking nicely to our wives etc. Quite frankly if my redundant, verbose post gets one women to “get it” my erratic typing was well worth it.
I'm glad that you are so passionate about this topic. Nothing wrong with that. My point was I doubt there is any woman who doesn't already know all this. Since they do know it, they are chosing to ignore it or have other reasons. For as many women who refuse to satisfy their husbands sexually, there are just as many husbands who tune out their wives until 11:00 pm and then wonder where the magic went. It is rarely one sided.
Furthermore, I think they are a treat, a special gift that my wife gives to me.
What about the women on here who say their men basically only want BJs and rarely sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjohnson
3) Kind of ties into #2. We can relax, lay back and enjoy the experience. When we are in you we are likely doing some of the work. With a BJ orgasm we can experience our O without distraction. We don't have to worry about moving this way or that way or not moving this way or that way.
So is it an issue about who does the work? With intercourse, it's the man doing most of the work, and with a BJ it's up to the woman to do most of the work. Which one is more of the lazy lover?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjohnson
8) Giving a BJ and finishing with a hand job is like going out to dinner having a fancy ****tail glass of wine a shrimp ****tail for an appetizer, a fancy salad then having the waiter bring out a big mack for dinner. Ladies, I don’t care how good your handjob is (or you think it is) it is a disappointment comparatively.
Hand jobs are snoozers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjohnson
This makes it an irreplaceable act for a women to do for her husband.
Again, I've read on this board women who complain that their man basically only wants BJs. Perhaps I'm a bit different than most guys, but a BJ is good every once in awhile.
I have a close friend who is in the process of ditching his wife of 11 years because of the lack of sex/bjs.
If he married her knowing that's how she felt, then that is all on him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjohnson
I have faith that many women glaze over yet another BJ post because they may feel it does not affect them. Based upon conversations with my wife, my friends, etc. some women still don’t quite get the whole sex and or BJ thing.
I have a good friend who HATES that her man will not give her oral
s ex. Like, never. He has always been this way w/ her so it's not new. There are plenty of men who love nothing more than to go down on a woman. And there are plenty of men who don't.
Everybody's different.
Different couples/partners have different wants & needs. It's clear that you are very much into it so as long as your wife is satisfying you, then GREAT.
But what other people decide to do or not do is their business, IMO. It's totally in between them and their partner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes
I'm glad that you are so passionate about this topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr.rightaway
Again, I've read on this board women who complain that their man basically only wants BJs. Perhaps I'm a bit different than most guys, but a BJ is good every once in awhile.
The post is a good one, it clearly outlines what the average man thinks about sex and that particular sex act. I guess I don't understand. Why is one act so important that men claim they will not date a woman who will not give them bj, threaten to cheat, threaten to divorce and leave their kids. All over one sex act.
. "give bj's or you will not get a date, marry or have kids, he will cheat, or leave". the outlook for non-blow jobbing women is so dire, why are there so many men not getting them? Judging by the frequency of these types of post and the volume of chatter on the web about how to get wife or gf to give a bj, swallow, act enthusiastic, women are just not towing the line.
Although you try to convince womanhood that this act is the most direct route to a mans loving heart - transmition from the mouth of a woman through a mans penis, even men don't believed that do they?. You yourself have warnings in your post - do it or else. That does not seem loving to me but coercion for personal gain. If a man will leave his loving wife to cheat does he feel loved when he gets a bj from a random chick or protitute?
I find it interesting that intercourse, a mutually pleasing, deeply intimate and loving act, is considered work., do you not have a happy ending? Was it worth just a little bit of effort? I thought men felt loved and connected by having mutually enjoyable sex with the woman they love. Now you say it is too much work that you rather have love communication from your loving spouses mouth clamped on your penis.
The take home message is, penis worship - you worship your penis and you want women to worship it too. I don't see that as realistic. I would like all of me to be worshipped, not just my genetalia, but I know it is a primitive desire that my limbic brain try's to impose upon my cortex. It's a remnant of an earlier developmental stage when I though I was the center of the universe and that I made those people appear with food and warm clothing when I uttered a comanding cry.
If just one man would be honest that would get them much further along. Why not just say that you love bj just because they give you pleasure - realize that bj they are difficult to do technically, that sperm has an unpleasant taste and texture, and that your partner may actually experience physical discomfort while doing it. How about acknowledging that the craving may make you a bit selfish about getting them.
Or acknowledging that you may not seem as appreciative as you should be by complaining and minimizing the difficulties of your partner or that you are being disingenuous by pulling out the love card for a sex act. Or that viewing porn fuels the desire and this may be upsetting to some women, and that expecting a porn performence is unrealistic and unfair. Acknowledge that many many woman have had negative experiences because the act is so pleasurable that unscrupulous men may use coercion.
Being honest, realistic in your expectations and appreciative is what gets blow jobs not using snow jobs for a bj. Posted via Mobile Device
I think one thing that always strikes me when I read these BJ threads is the utter fervency that comes across from some of the men.
You know what?
I LOVE my husband, but I do NOT worship him. Nor will I ever (and I do not want him to worship me either). I admire him, I respect him, but if he was so fervent that he somehow expected me to have some level of unadulterated desire regardless of how I felt or he needed that to build himself up or to measure my love and devotion to him by, then his attraction level would likely sink to the floor for me.
I can't help but feel that some men are literally shooting themselves in the foot by somehow expecting this undying adoration for their penis.
I admire ALL of my husband - his penis gets special attention, though, because it is attached to something VERY important - a great man.
If you are a man, and your penis does not get that attention, then start there - becoming a great man who has many admirable qualities and characterstics - and one of those characteristics is to let go of such fervency and expectation. You may be very pleasantly surprised that when that is removed, how much more giving and adoring a wife can be.
The thing I find funny is that it almost seems as if the OP believes that women couldn't possibly understand the feeling of an orgasm achieved via oral yet....women have more nerve endings in their tiny little clit than men do in the entire head of their penis. I'm not saying that we enjoy our orgasms more, I'm simply saying that *everyone* man or woman enjoys being pampered abit. But oral isn't the only outlet for that.
My husband is actually tongue tied (the flap of skin under his tongue goes all the way to the tip of his tongue so he is not physically able to stick his tongue out, he had to have speech therapy to learn to talk, has a slight lisp, and has difficulty with certain tongue-related activities, such as eating icecream or giving oral sex. Its possible for him to do, but incredibly painful none the less.
If I had your mentality about the only way he could show me adoration would be through oral, then our relationship would have been doomed from the start.
*This is coming from a woman who can count on one hand the number of times her husband has ever gone down on her, however still offers him a blowjob (to completion) at least once a month and usually also spends some time kissing his penis before intercourse almost everytime we have intercourse (which is not nearly as often as she wishes it was, but still).
Re: I don't understand women in this regard 
