Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I just don't like it. Why do you care what I don't like in bed? I love tons of other things so this isn't an issue for us. I asked him if he likes to do it and he said, "Not really". Perfect match
I care what "women" like in bed.
For the longest time, I cared what a particular woman liked in bed.
But now - if I ever want to have sex again - I can't just do the same old things and possibly be left to wonder why a different person isn't responding the same way that my wife did.
Plus mostly - its just fun and interesting to talk about these things. The differences between the sexes - and from individual to individual - are just plain fascinating.
For the longest time, I cared what a particular woman liked in bed.
But now - if I ever want to have sex again - I can't just do the same old things and possibly be left to wonder why a different person isn't responding the same way that my wife did.
Plus mostly - its just fun and interesting to talk about these things. The differences between the sexes - and from individual to individual - are just plain fascinating.
What one woman likes varies widely from woman to woman. It is trial and error, not a "standard" answer if you will.
To my mind, there is no mystery to the reason bj's stop or decrease over time, doing a bj depletes the reserves of deposits in a woman's love bank if she get nothing out of them that is of value to her. Along with other relationship dissapontments, the accumulated debt is too large.
I think men feeling that they have to jump through hoops to get one depletes their reserves too. Men who are honest and realistic are careful about preserving the balance of the exchange of satisfactions. They make sure that sex is mutual and they are not the only ones satisfied. There is no reason why an oral sex session cannot involve giving oral sex to the woman and then having her give a bj. If she does not get an orgasm through oral sex give her an orgasm the way she enjoys it.
I don't understand why women are expected to do a bj when they are not arroused. Why is that the way they are done? Tradition? Porn? Porn is not realistic, the actresses are paid to act as if they are arroused by the sight of a mans errect penis. For most women, that is not the case.
Most of the time that's how my H and I have oral sex. Sometimes I do it cold when I want him to just relax and enjoy. I know sex involves a man adjusting to the pace of the woman and that it takes effort and control on his part. I appreciate that my husband has had to alter what would be most pleasurable for him, vaginal sex for 5 mins to orgasm. I know that it is difficult to master. He does that for me out of love and it motivates me to let him relax and enjoy.
I hope this helps, and I would enjoy comments. Does this seem reasonable and doable to improve the bj situation? Posted via Mobile Device
I think this sounds reasonable - although also a bit clinical.
The only thin I would say is that some of the best BJs I've ever had were done "cold" - as you stated above. Not real sure what I'm trying to say really...except that something so "cold" can be a really awesome long-lasting mindblowing memory sometimes!
To my mind, there is no mystery to the reason bj's stop or decrease over time, doing a bj depletes the reserves of deposits in a woman's love bank if she get nothing out of them that is of value to her. Along with other relationship dissapontments, the accumulated debt is too large.
I think men feeling that they have to jump through hoops to get one depletes their reserves too. Men who are honest and realistic are careful about preserving the balance of the exchange of satisfactions. They make sure that sex is mutual and they are not the only ones satisfied. There is no reason why an oral sex session cannot involve giving oral sex to the woman and then having her give a bj. If she does not get an orgasm through oral sex give her an orgasm the way she enjoys it.
I don't understand why women are expected to do a bj when they are not arroused. Why is that the way they are done? Tradition? Porn? Porn is not realistic, the actresses are paid to act as if they are arroused by the sight of a mans errect penis. For most women, that is not the case.
Most of the time that's how my H and I have oral sex. Sometimes I do it cold when I want him to just relax and enjoy. I know sex involves a man adjusting to the pace of the woman and that it takes effort and control on his part. I appreciate that my husband has had to alter what would be most pleasurable for him, vaginal sex for 5 mins to orgasm. I know that it is difficult to master. He does that for me out of love and it motivates me to let him relax and enjoy.
I hope this helps, and I would enjoy comments. Does this seem reasonable and doable to improve the bj situation? Posted via Mobile Device
Very well spoken. As a man, I would rather a BJ only be something that she really wanted to do, preferably mutually, as an expression of how well her needs are met, or when she is in a giving mood. I just can't see it as an expectation of the artificial variety, one that gets loaded onto a mental weekly calendar as a minimum requirement.
I don't understand why women are expected to do a bj when they are not arroused.
Don't you know, according to some people, if you're not on your knees and down to swallow on command, you are not going to make it in the long run relationship/marriage-wise?
Very well spoken. As a man, I would rather a BJ only be something that she really wanted to do, preferably mutually, as an expression of how well her needs are met, or when she is in a giving mood. I just can't see it as an expectation of the artificial variety, one that gets loaded onto a mental weekly calendar as a minimum requirement.
1. Take dog to vet.
2. Unload dishwasher.
3. Order Christmas cards.
4. Have tires rotated.
5. Give husband a bj.
Can't imagine that there are men who think this is a groovy idea.
Don't you know, according to some people, if you're not on your knees and down to swallow on command, you are not going to make it in the long run relationship/marriage-wise?
All of course while clutching rosary beads and the Hallulujah chorus from Handel's Messiah is playing in the background.
ALL I want to add to this thread is... when I didn't worship my husbands penis, poor man , he went 19 years with that gift lying dorment.... he was not as HAPPY deep within.... he even felt less loved...so I learned when I started asking questions.
What I see here with such threads is ...the same feelings as my quiet suffering husband had - but much more forthcoming, such words may even come off as demanding, expecting too much. Women will always have an appreciation for the sexually silent suffering man who puts himself down. But that is why he continues to suffer! that is no good either.
Now that I do "worship" my husband's penis, he is estatic and frankly, so am I.... He feels ovewhelmingly loved now. Love it, can't get enough , we joke about my worship. I wish I was this way my whole da** marraige.... and if I was a guy, I would likely feel the same & get my butt chewed for speaking about it, cause I am not the silent suffering type.
On the other end, I am thrilled my husband wants to be in between my legs and has enthusiam about it. --and I can't even orgasm that way but WANT it anyhow!!
There is just something overtakingy beautiful about our lovers wanting every part of our body, some of us feel strongly about this --I won't belittle that. It is all encompasing and we crave it...
For me, there is just no measure on what happiness this brings to a spouse, it satisfys the soul somehow.
SA - You're great. I'm sure your husband appreciates it.
I stopped reading after this post...because it was more of the same boring push and pull, joking around horseplay...
I think it's simple: BJ's represent desire. It feels good if your lady demonstrates desire for you, and it feel lousy when she doesn't. The good or the lousy manifest in all sorts of ways.
I just don't like it. Why do you care what I don't like in bed? I love tons of other things so this isn't an issue for us. I asked him if he likes to do it and he said, "Not really". Perfect match
Agree totally darkhorse.
People are quick to generalize (like me too) but, my wife is the same way. We have had many conversations about cunnilingus. Yes my wife enjoys it but for her she prefers to have me inside her when she O's. She says it gives her something to "grip on" when she contracts. In our case it since it takes me a long time to climax she is usually is has has 5-10 Os durring one intercourse session. Warming her up with oral is not that important.
Although I will share this thought.
I have always really loved doing this. But reading all these threads from men stamping their feet is turning me right off of this.
No longer on my list.
So you managed to convert one of us. Just not in the direction you wanted. And the whole on your knees worshipping thing has put an image in my brain for quite awhile. I used to think it was FUN to turn a guy on that much and very personal to watch and feel him climax. Not anymore.
Although I will share this thought.
I have always really loved doing this. But reading all these threads from men stamping their feet is turning me right off of this.
No longer on my list.
So you managed to convert one of us. Just not in the direction you wanted. And the whole on your knees worshipping thing has put an image in my brain for quite awhile. I used to think it was FUN to turn a guy on that much and very personal to watch and feel him climax. Not anymore.
I don't think any of the Men said anything about women needing to be on their knees and "worship."
Although I will share this thought.
I have always really loved doing this. But reading all these threads from men stamping their feet is turning me right off of this.
No longer on my list.
So you managed to convert one of us. Just not in the direction you wanted. And the whole on your knees worshipping thing has put an image in my brain for quite awhile. I used to think it was FUN to turn a guy on that much and very personal to watch and feel him climax. Not anymore.
Thank god I don't get on my knees lolll We're too lazy to be upright ...
Re: I don't understand women in this regard 
I love tons of other things so this isn't an issue for us. I asked him if he likes to do it and he said, "Not really". Perfect match 
