Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I need help in tabling the discussion. While I am a good communicator, wife is a pretty bad listener. How do I bring this up, and not have it be a blow out?
Pretty much lived the last 5 years with a less than satisfiying sex life. I pretty much have given up on ever starting the action. one due to being shot down so much and feling like its helpless, and two being its just too much work for me and I would rather just masterbate alone.
She pretty much is just not a sexual person. While i take control most of the time, its only because she isnt the greatest in bed and either hurts me or simply turns me off with what she does.
I have tried to offer encourgment when things feel good and what not but she tells me to be quite or she knows how to do it.
Aside for that, she is just not a sexual type person and my feelings have diminised or left for her. They only way I can climax is by thinking of other situations during sex and get through it.
She feels our sex life is fine and good.
I feel like I want to die every day and just get away form her. A divorce would ruin me financially. Too manyh details to go into.
I can deal with the every day BS and stuff, but the lack of a good fun exciting sex life is killing me.
Any advice on how to bring this up to her? Appreciate the help
I wish I knew the answer to that but I am in the same boat. Between my wife's Prozac and feeling like she is fat she has zero sex drive. It is a hard situation because I have given up trying and we feel more like roommates then husband and wife.
Maybe you should say something like "maybe we should try... blahblah" and suggest things you want. If she isn't very sexual then she isn't going to think of it herself, and I assume she doesn't have the power to read minds. And if you said it in this manner it wont make her angry or sound blaming or whatever.
Let's face it, your problem isn't unique at all. I, and 100 other guys reading this could write the same thing you did.
I think you may want to consider about going to a therapist to get things out in the open. It may help to have a moderator there to start this talk. It may even help to find someone to talk to by yourself first a couple of times and see what he/she suggests.
I've been in your boat for over 5+ years myself and things only seem to get worse. My wife also thinks things are perfectly fine. She gets all the sex she wants and none that she doesn't. Sound familiar?
I've brought up the issue a number of times in the past, very calmly, in different ways, we even went to therapy. Every single time it's caused a blow up of sorts. It's never had a positive effect. She felt like there is this constant pressure all the time for her to have sex. It's taken a while but I've come to terms with the fact my wife will never be the sexual person I wish she was. I don't approach her for sex but I'm still affectionate and loving. I love her and she loves me but sex is not important to her and it is 100% out of my control to change her. We have a good relationship otherwise. And although infrequent at least the sex is satisfying and enjoyable to both of us when it happens.
I think therapy is the best bet to try and work through this, maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones.
A bad sex life means there are problems in the marriage. You sound resentful of your wife and while you say you are a good communicator, I'm not so sure that your wife is the sole problem. A marriage is a dynamic that TWO people create, not just one person.
Get into marriage counseling right away!
If you are only motivated to stay with her for financial reasons, you are doomed to a crappy life.
Me and you both..almost the exact same story..shes trying a little harder now but it came after a lengthy, serious discussion where I let her know exactly how I feel.
Its still not what I would consider a good sex life, but I feel its work in progress because she knows how I feel..
There isn't really a nice way to tell someone that ur sex life sucks..itll hurt her anyway u say it..sometimes the truth hurts. Posted via Mobile Device
* I do romance her. I cook nice dinners on Sunday nights, send texts during the day, have bought her gifts out of the blue, try and give her non-sexual" touches and ask her about her day, ext.... All of which she does little for me.
* Financially we live very well. Nice cars, house, toys, trips. But, she is basically a stay at home mom, with no kids. Thus, I would have to provide her a nice monthly living expense to maintain her lifestyle should we divorce and then I would be dramtically reduced in my quality of living.
* She makes little efforts on the romance side. As mentioned, I cook nice dinners on Sundays. I annouce "dinner in 30 minutes" so she can have time to maybe take a shower or put on something other than her dirty clothes she spent all day in. Little effort things on her part really hurt me.
* The sex is just so plain and boring. I really almost have to fantasize about a situation to even climax as she is pretty much so not appealling to me anymore. Almost rather just masterbate than to have to put in all the effort. I have to put in all the effort, or she tries to be the giver and tries for a few minutes and then just rolls over as she says her back hurts or someting. I typically do the giving for aslong as she likes, and then try and get myself off.
* Have done a small amout of consueling. My consueler said pretty much good luck to me as I have a tough one there. The wife feels sex is great and plenty for her. She is always the one criticing and or telling me and or friends how to live thier lives and yet she cant take any of the blame. She is alwasy the one who is right.
* What frusterates me is that my largest need from her is sex, I am aguy and not ashamed to admit that. She just doesnt get this. If I get eniugh good sex, I would be a much better husband to her and give her all her needs. BUT, she feels like I should do all the work to meet ALL her needs then she will meet mine. I dont play that game. It is OUR problem and WE should BOTH work together and in the same amount to fix it. I will not be the sappy husband who falls for this crap anylonger.
This has just been going on for so long that I have such resentment built up I fear that we can not overcome it any more as it has became too large. I simply wish everyday I would be killed in a car accidenyt and not have to live my lief anymore. I feel just so stuck.
I am speaking to ladies in the gym more and they show an interest in me. I am not ready to take that move, but if feels so nice to have someones interestd and that excitement back in my life. I recoqnize what i am doing and not proud of the flirting, but it feels nice once in a while.
To me it sounds like she doesn't respect you. She doesn't look up to you. She knows you want and need sex but she is withholding it for some reason. Have you asked her what you could do to gain her respect?
You'll have to get into her mind before you can get into her panties.
Was it ever good. I wouldnt give up yet and can feel your frustration. The problem really is you seem to have given her everything and she needs nothing. A woman has to have needs apart from sex to be able to have sex. Sounds crazy I know.
She hurts you or turns you off. Do you mean she just wants to annoy you. She feels its good does she orgasm. I doubt it. Have you ever written her a letter saying exactly how you want your sex to be. What I mean is are you sure she knows what youre complaining about. Does she do it as a chore just to please you.
Do you love each other. Forget about the talking. Just do it in the dark. It will take time to get it as you want. Try to encourage her. Say it was good even if it wasnt. That sometimes helps. You have to be more positive. I know its hard in your situtation but it can be done.
How to tell wife the sex life sucks.... 
What? 
) and just lay it out for her.
