I said "no" when my husband came to me for sex.
The tables have really started to turn in the few days since I first joined this forum. Some of you may already know from my intro thread below "his rejection has shattered my confidence," my husband and I have been together just shy of 4 years. In those 4 years I have always had the higher sex drive and I have always been the one asking for (and getting turned down for) sex. Besides that, there have also been issues with my husband refusing to acknowledge my attempts to dress up for him but then complimenting his female co-workers on their appearances. As well as issues with him being very disconnected from me during sex, basically making me feel like a piece of meat and not in a good way.
My husband requested sex from me 3 nights ago and I *for the very first time in our entire 4 years* told him no.
To me that was crazy enough- I didn't think after being rejected that he would ever bother to ask again. I mean, he is the type to get pissy when he doesn't get his way which is part of the reason I've never rejected him before...that and I love him so I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Today he again (only three days since his last attempt- he has only a handful of times ever requested sex twice in the same week!) requested sex and I again *for the second time in our entire marriage* told him no.
I can't believe he actually asked me- he almost never asks me for sex!
And even more so...I can't believe I said no.
On the one hand, I feel strong, like, I don't have to take his withholding of affection anymore.
On the other hand, I feel scared, like, what if I'm just poking the bear and making him angry?
He is acting angry, but when I ask him about how he's feeling he says he has no right to be angry after all that he has put me through (so he is finally acknowledging the hurt he has caused- thats progress!)
All the while the above is going on, we are planning this month's date night to be different than our usual monthly date night. I usually get a sitter, then he takes me to a family friendly resturant, afterwards we might go see a movie. This month, he is responsible for arranging a babysitter (usually my responsibility but we've discussed him showing more effort in our marriage). And instead of doing the "usual routine", we are instead going to go out (possibly with a group of married friends or possibly by ourselves, that is still undecided) to a bar or a club- somewhere that my husband can get a few drinks in him and I can dance.
My husband doesn't know it because I'm hoping to surprise him but I already got an AWESOME dress.
Now, I'm not really sure what the next step is....I'm honestly shocked at how he's come to me twice for sex in one week, and even more shocked at myself for not agreeing to let him use me as a masturbation tool anymore...so I guess maybe the next step is reconnecting so that the desire for sex is mutual?