Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I have read about the 3 day rule in a couple of books. It goes along with the fact that men have a hormonal 72 hour clock for physiological release. Whatever the reason, it just feels AWESOME to come together (hahaha) and feel connected to each other so regularly. When your having regular sex with your spouse you can't stay mad at them for anything!!!!!!! hehehe
I think this kind of rule is a very good idea. It takes away the fear of rejection. The only problem is, is there any other rule that can over ride this rule. For instance if there was an argument that day.
My wife and I have found that this kind of rule works great. Our rule is every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. That just works for our schedule.
Even in a stable marriage, the fear of rejection is high enough that without the rule in place, sex is just not going to happen sometimes.
Let's say you and the Sig other are having a minor argument. Neither of you is going to want to ask the other for sex. Asking would be sort of a weakness. Even though the sexual release would help both people overcome the resentment. If you have the rule, neither one has to "ask" for sex, it's just the rule.
Men particularly tend to become stressed and cranky without regular sex, Whether they realize it or not.
Some have posted that they would feel constrained and obligated by such a rule. I would argue that the rule is simply a verbalization of your commitment to each other.
I have never understood how some people see no problem and are perfectly willing to walk the dog twice a day, feed the dog on a regular regimented schedule, even clean up dog crap in the yard yet somehow feel extremely put out when the topic of sex on a schedule comes up. Why is the dog more important than the spouse?
My wife and I have successfully implemented this strategy for making love over the last 6 months. Specifically, we must make love if it's been 3 days since the last encounter.
(Example:Monday, then Thursday at the latest)
Prior to this we would go more in spurts (excuse the pun), like maybe 3 days in a row, but then 4 or 5 days off. Trouble, doubt, arguments, and distance frequently crept in during the "off" days.
Mind you, we don't have to wait until day 3 to go again, but if it does get there, we do. In fact, we have done it more over the last 6 months than ever as a result of our "rule," often joking like Day 3 today? even though we both know we had just done it the night before. I know lots of people build sex up like it has to be inspired, original, and daring every time, but from my experience being married I think that frequent "standard" love-making is more important than almost everything else in terms of maintaining closeness with your spouse.
Anyway, it's worked really well for us so I just thought I'd share if anyone thinks this type of "rule" might work for them.
How does the H bring this up to the W? I mean in my situation (like many others) I feel that my W's sex drive is what is lacking. Or sometimes she can be very forgetful (to a point where she thinks she is developing a condition of memory loss) and is like "we just had sex like two days ago, when it was really like 3 weeks or a month ago. So if I brought up "3 day rule" I think I would get some push back.
A reminder that its "sex" night would be the hard part for me to express to her.
I would love a schedule I think. I don't know because I have never tried that, but would like to give it a shot. I could see sex losing its spontaneity though too.
I think that many women would not like the idea of a schedule.
I think the "schedule" only works when there is normally sex in your life... don't think that would work in many struggling marriages in the sex dept. at all.
I can only dream of every three days. I'll be ecstatic with once a week or every two weeks.
I think that scheduling can work if you are both committed to seeing it through.
We've 'soft' scheduled in the past - like where we agreed we would not go more than 5 - 7 days without PIV, during certain times. The most recent time that comes to memory when we did this was about two years ago and I was going through some health issues, but really didn't want to let this connection go away. Normally, if we get in to this mode, we also try and up the touching, hugging, kissing, and talking as well (and my H ups the flirting), so that we are connecting with each other in different ways more often.
There have been studies done that show that increasing the frequency of intercourse helps women to actually desire it more. So, if you get in a sexless slump, the average woman's desire for sex will start to slowly erode and decline, while at the same time her husband's will start to sky-rocket. And it can be more difficult for the average woman to get in to sex again easily and it will take longer for her to gain satisfaction (arousal and orgasm). That's why I think trying to keep this connection going is very important in a marriage. If scheduling is something you think could work, then try it.
I think the time it would not work, is if it is the brainstorm of only one of the partners and the other is resentful or dragging their feet about it and feels like they are pressured to perform. Sometimes that can be taken care of if you take turns initiating within a window, e.g., one can initiate on these 3 days and the other can initiate on these 3 days, and it isn't such a 'hard' rule, but a 'soft' rule.
I can see it being a great tool to couples where both partners want to up or maintain the quantity of sex, and have an agreed measure of how much, or for couples where the "real world" gets in the way too often.
The problem I see is that as a "rule" it's totally unenforceable, and the first time one partner decides to break the rule, they can, no comebacks, and the whole thing falls to pieces.
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Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Once in 3 days is definitely bareable. I think I could put up with that. But if there has been an argument that has not been resolved, and the 3rd day comes, then that is a shame. He gets no sex that day. I don't bone people that p1ss me off, I have too much self respect for that. But other than arguments or sickness I think I could put up with a 3 day thing. Any more than that would be pushing it.
How to apply this 3 day rule when you have kids? Just when you're up to do your thing you hear them going to the bathroom or checking with you to see if you sleep in your room and your mood shuts down.
I’d like to stay connected with my H but it’s hard to find the time to apply the 3 day rule after you run all day with the kids and run errands and cook and do homework etc. I’m exhausted! We barely have sex once a week and that’s Saturday mornings when we tell them we want to sleep late. Don’t get me wrong I love having kids and I love them from the bottom of my hart and love to spend time with them and be involved in their lives but I don’t see how to apply this rule now.
Any advice?
Once in 3 days is definitely bareable. I think I could put up with that. But if there has been an argument that has not been resolved, and the 3rd day comes, then that is a shame. He gets no sex that day. I don't bone people that p1ss me off, I have too much self respect for that. But other than arguments or sickness I think I could put up with a 3 day thing. Any more than that would be pushing it.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
How to apply this 3 day rule when you have kids? Just when you're up to do your thing you hear them going to the bathroom or checking with you to see if you sleep in your room and your mood shuts down.
I’d like to stay connected with my H but it’s hard to find the time to apply the 3 day rule after you run all day with the kids and run errands and cook and do homework etc. I’m exhausted! We barely have sex once a week and that’s Saturday mornings when we tell them we want to sleep late. Don’t get me wrong I love having kids and I love them from the bottom of my hart and love to spend time with them and be involved in their lives but I don’t see how to apply this rule now.
Any advice?
SoHo
Now don't come in here and upset the applecart asking how to apply this advice in the real world!
If they're very young, the only advice I can give is get what you can, when you can, by any means you can. Mrs Beane and I got through the years when they were very little that way. As they get older, it does get easier - or it did for us, anyway.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
How to apply this 3 day rule when you have kids? Just when you're up to do your thing you hear them going to the bathroom or checking with you to see if you sleep in your room and your mood shuts down.
I’d like to stay connected with my H but it’s hard to find the time to apply the 3 day rule after you run all day with the kids and run errands and cook and do homework etc. I’m exhausted! We barely have sex once a week and that’s Saturday mornings when we tell them we want to sleep late. Don’t get me wrong I love having kids and I love them from the bottom of my hart and love to spend time with them and be involved in their lives but I don’t see how to apply this rule now.
Any advice?
SoHo
Our kids are 8, 10, and 17. Since they are a little older, we find the time in the evening after supper. The 17 year old will be doing the dishes. The other two will be either in the bath(which they wash their own hair and bodies), or the younger two are playing with each other. My hubby and I will then take that time and lock our bedroom door. Once in a while one of the kids will knock on the door(usually on the weekends) to ask something. We tell them to wait and we'll be right out. It doesn't happen often where the kids knock. If we wait until everyone is in bed, I'd be zonked out. Lately, we have been averaging 6 nights a week. When we are done, we will get dressed, unlock the door and snuggle up to each other for 1/2-1 hour. Posted via Mobile Device
But if there has been an argument that has not been resolved, and the 3rd day comes, then that is a shame. He gets no sex that day. I don't bone people that p1ss me off, I have too much self respect for that.
Sugar, that's exactly why it's so important to schedule it and stick to it. Sex changes the subject to something, anything other than the argument. most arguments are trivial matters that don't mean diddly. Have some whoopie and afterwords, you are back on speaking terms w/ the spouse
watching a comedy would have the same effect. But sex is WAY more worthwhile.
Re: The 3 day rule 
