Re: The 3 day rule
Two points I would like to make here. 1) Although it is “scheduled”, it isn’t mandatory. It is more along the lines of just keeping the idea in the forefront of the minds of both. More of a reminder to ‘show’ someone you do love them and want to be with them. As ‘life’ tends to happen and for most, at the end of the day, if you are going to give up something on your to-do list, this tends to be the most common/easiest thing to give up yet probably the most important thing we shouldn’t give up. If it were something you really valued and you as an individual thought to be really important to you, you would forego something else that was less important to you to make sure it happened. Having some guideline in place allows both people to say, without having to verbally say it, that you each are placing this as a high value item. 2) With me being the LD individual I tend to not keep this as a high priority. AND, having been married for 25+ years to a HD individual has caused many problems over the years. Though we are still in recovery, we are now closer to being on the same page as I now know without a doubt that he needs this and needs this regularly, and I NEEDED it more than I thought I did. To help us get on the road to recovery after his PA, we started out on a journey of sexual experience where it was simply agreed upon that for 14 days straight we would have some kind of sexual interaction. Sometimes it was all about him, others it was all about me and of course there were many times it was for us both. It wasn’t a chore but more of a time to explore what we wanted from the other or for the other. It was a time where the one who really wanted it didn’t have to fear they were going to be rejected because the other wasn’t in the mood, therefore not allowing the rejection to fester which in turn would usually keep the relationship from being able to move forward in a healthy way. It gave each of us permission to be sexual and allowed us to say without having to say anything that we WANTED to feel the other one. Most men tend to not really express how important touch is to them. They need it regularly it makes them feel needed. And most women find it hard to admit that touch is necessary and it makes them feel loved. With our commitment, it made it almost impossible to not continue with a more regulated/regular sex life afterward (now 16 months since D-day). Everything seems off now when we go more than a few days without having some kind of sexual contact with the other. Is this for everyone? Absolutely NOT! But if you are trying to get back to connecting with someone you love, why not try some version that works for you and your partner?