Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My wife and I have successfully implemented this strategy for making love over the last 6 months. Specifically, we must make love if it's been 3 days since the last encounter.
(Example:Monday, then Thursday at the latest)
Prior to this we would go more in spurts (excuse the pun), like maybe 3 days in a row, but then 4 or 5 days off. Trouble, doubt, arguments, and distance frequently crept in during the "off" days.
Mind you, we don't have to wait until day 3 to go again, but if it does get there, we do. In fact, we have done it more over the last 6 months than ever as a result of our "rule," often joking like Day 3 today? even though we both know we had just done it the night before. I know lots of people build sex up like it has to be inspired, original, and daring every time, but from my experience being married I think that frequent "standard" love-making is more important than almost everything else in terms of maintaining closeness with your spouse.
Anyway, it's worked really well for us so I just thought I'd share if anyone thinks this type of "rule" might work for them.
That does sound like a promising technique. I'll have to ask my husband how he'd feel about that sort of "rule" in our marriage, it certainly would decrease alot of tension if there were clear expectations set about frequency...and with less tension, perhaps it would be easier for a bond to reform....
We just started a "sex schedule" this month. We're coming off a pretty dry spell so we're going with once a week for now. The day is marked on the family calendar. I would love a 3 day rule but my wife probably wouldn't go for it yet.
When you're both working and have kids and everything else I don't see any problem with having some clear expectations.
The 3 day rule seems to be working for you. Especially when 'Third Day' happens sooner spontaneously. And I could defn see how this would ease a lot of strain, resentments etc if there were issues with the frequency of sex before.
As far as chores go, I'd be more inclined for the 3-day sex chore than the 7-day clean the bathroom chore! That could be just me : )
The 3-day rule is only for the 3 weeks she's not on her period, not the one week during menstruation.
And yes, we started it as an experiment towards a healthier sex life together. Like I said, the number per month wasn't bad before, it just was too bunched up, leaving a week long drought from time to time.
I might add, that now it's bunched up too, but all thru the month without gaps! Like any routine, rut, or habit frequent love making becomes the norm. And in my opinion, this is a much healthier "rut" to be in.
The 3-day rule is only for the 3 weeks she's not on her period, not the one week during menstruation.
And yes, we started it as an experiment towards a healthier sex life together. Like I said, the number per month wasn't bad before, it just was too bunched up, leaving a week long drought from time to time.
I might add, that now it's bunched up too, but all thru the month without gaps! Like any routine, rut, or habit frequent love making becomes the norm. And in my opinion, this is a much healthier "rut" to be in.
Btw, it never feels like a chore.
That's great. It sounds like a good idea for ppl not satisfied with their sexlife.
We have a similar rule. There are always exceptions. But if it goes too long between there will be trouble. My wife is currently the low drive partner and this helps to keep her from feeling badgered. she is always willing when it is time. Sometimes she isn't much interested, but does it because she knows I need it. After all most people want the person they love to be happy. Remember spontaneity is not ruled out, at our age spontaneity would be very infrequently.
Have to say that I would not be a fan of a schedule, like a previous poster has already mentioned it would seem like a chore and to me fixed rather than spontaneous.
We do have some issues so it's not what I would consider the best situation.
Also, spontaneous sex can happen whenever, but we still get that scheduled date as well. Just keeps it from going too long. At least that's the plan. We're only in week 1.
A while back I made a similar rule for myself, but the problem is sometimes I get lazy after a while and there is nobody to hold me accountable because I'm the only one who knows the dang rule! It'd be great if my husband were on the same page. From what I can tell both of our drives are on the mid-low end but I have come to realize the benefits of regular sex in marriage.
Not sure how I'd bring this up with my husband though. I'm worried he'd be insulted and feel inadequate... he's very sensitive.
Not sure how I'd bring this up with my husband though. I'm worried he'd be insulted and feel inadequate... he's very sensitive.
I don't this this is that hard to bring up. Just stress how much you love being intimate with him and you'd like to get in a routine of it - you know, to enjoy him even more often. What guy wouldn't like to hear that his wife wants him a bit more regularly?
The "rule" can obviously be adjusted for each couple to 4 days, 5 days, 2 days, or whatever.
May not work for all couples and personalities, I agree. Especially those that think of this as a hard "contract." For us, it's more of a fun thing we started as a way to cut down on long lapses of intimacy.
And it's working great for us and our personalities. If it works for others, great. If you think it would cause resentment in your situation, then definitely don't give it a go. We have missed the 3 day rule once or twice over the last 6 months, but whatever, by and large it has been the single best thing we have tried for consistent and fulfilling intimacy. And for us, it has worked spectacularly.
The 3 day rule 
That's great. It sounds like a good idea for ppl not satisfied with their sexlife.
