Sex less marriage - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: Sex less marriage

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Originally Posted by john117 View Post
Many people report great success with cycling to lose weight... Assuming of course your community is cycling friendly and the weather cooperates.

Google Clydesdale Cycling for details.
Cycling is a good exercise but at his weight If he fell off he could do some serious damage to himself.Also depending on what height he is he is probably in the morbidly obese i.e. heart attack range and on a bicycle on a main road the consequences could be fatal.Seriously op just start walking with him,slowly at first and then increase the speed and distance.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 05:24 PM
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Re: Sex less marriage

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Cycling is a good exercise but at his weight If he fell off he could do some serious damage to himself.Also depending on what height he is he is probably in the morbidly obese i.e. heart attack range and on a bicycle on a main road the consequences could be fatal.Seriously op just start walking with him,slowly at first and then increase the speed and distance.
He is in "check with your doctor" territory as it is. So any exercise should be coordinated and approved. Good point!

Another point is that Clyde bicycles should be used if over the frame's limit, typically 275 lb.

For falls, I'd consider a trike. Catrike makes some phenomenal rigs.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Just a tip. If he's very overweight but wants to,lose it, chances are he is self conscious about going to the gym. I used to be pretty obese myself and everyone STARES and large people in the gym, some snicker, or grin or laugh. It's not nice but it's true. What about working out at home? Or seeking out a quiet gym that doesn't have lots of members? It may motivate him more that way. Also, NO JUNK FOOD, that includes soda/pop drinks. And juice is riddled with sugar too. Push water and veggies! Good luck to you both!
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Speaking as someone who was formerly over 300Lbs, get him to a physician and quick. I paid very little attention to my self, and had always struggled with my weight. I lost it back in the 80's only to gain it back with a vengeance. In short, it precipitated two heart attacks and a fairly severe case of diabetes. Sticking a needle into me is what caused me to get religion. I have lost 100lbs. I had to apologize to my wife, as that weight kept me from performing regularly and it robbed me of 2 inches. Yes, I used to think I was somewhat below average, then as I crossed weight milestones length began to show itself.

Weight opens you to every lousy disease in the books, from heart attacks, (I had my first at age 40, weight at age 312), diabetes (when I was on the gurney suffering my second heart attack, the triage physician yells out; "how long have you been diabetic?", I respond, "about six seconds".) Sexual performance waned until I joined Weight Watchers, got my ass into a gym (PS, you want sex, start working out, your body will crave it as your health improves). At age 62, my weight loss journey (it has taken me about 6 years) is nearly complete. I weigh 198. My penis has increased by more than 25% from my 40's. We have mind blowing earth shattering sex nearly every other day. I have given my wife a new man with a sexual appetite that would put to shame any kind of affair. You guys are newlywed, and you do not want to go about burying him anytime soon. Get him into weight watchers and start a physical routine-I started by walking, 15 minutes at first, gradually increasing to an hour. By that time, he should be ready to join a gym. I could not do more than 5 minutes on the elliptical when I started, now I can do an hour flat out. It is a journey, but if you do it right, he will thank you for the decades he has added to his life, let alone the sex.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 12:22 PM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Totally agree with @Andy1001 and @Taxman

Sex should not be the primary issue right now. His health is what should be the focus. When that improves down the road, then you can address the sex problems. He isn't healthy enough right now to safely have sex. And he certainly isn't healthy enough to be going to a gym and working out.

Start with walking. Even if he can only walk 20 steps the first day. The next day maybe he can add a few more steps. And each day after that, he can GRADUALLY increase the amount of walking he's doing.

Before he embarks on any kind of a physical activity schedule though (even light walking), he needs to be evaluated by a doctor. I would be shocked if he isn't diabetic, and that needs to be under control. Over time, if he keeps up with the walking/aerobic activity and loses weight, his diabetes may improve or even resolve, but right now he needs to be treated if necessary and cleared for any kind of physical activity.

Best of luck to you.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Even if he is not diabetic at this point, his cells are becoming insulin resistant and by the time he is 40 he will be a full blown type 2. This is nothing to screw around with. Take it from me, you may think that your youth will protect you from all of the **** that over-weight can bring. Hey, I was a big guy in high school. Used the weight in football and wrestling. Those sports gave me a false sense of security. I was big but coaches want big and fit. So fit and big was how I was in HS. University and my profession made me sedentary. My eating habits had not changed (I could polish off an xl pizza in one sitting), but I was NOT burning calories.

To lose it, you have two simple rules to follow. Put less into the system and burn off more than you put in.
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:03 PM
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Re: Sex less marriage

I'm new to this forum, and I don't see any really recent comments re: "Sex less marriage" (especially from the originator) but I would like to say I'm impressed with all the advice I've seen. Even though multiple suggestions have been presented, they seem to all be grounded in sincerity. I've seen very little to disagree with.

Speaking as someone who used to carry a lot of weight, it certainly does cause intimacy issues. And, losing the weight certainly improves intimacy issues.

I didn't want to go to the gym either. I did not go. For big, un-athletic guys: it's embarrassing. You're displeased with yourself already and putting it on display just makes it worse. You're embarrassed! For some people, feeling bad causes them to turn to food, and the cycle is repeated continuously.

I took advice from the Nike "Just Do It" commercials and applied it to the notion of being active. ANY kind of active. My preferred exercise was walking. If I found myself inactive... I'd go for a walk. Bad weather? I bought a treadmill. Already walked a lot today? I'd find something around the house to do! There's almost always a chore to be done around the house whether it's straightening the garage or attic... painting a room... or dozens of things we all put off. ANY kind of activity is positive... and it grows. It gets easier every day and soon you're doing it without having to think about it.
Activity (exercise) shows its benefits immediately. Your husband would begin to feel better right away and sex will start improving right away. Depending on his efforts, it could take a while... but activity works wonders.
Try starting out with walking, then general activity. (Sex is an activity too!)
Hopefully he's not one of these guys who's glued to the TV or gaming all day.

Sounds like he has a wife who's interested in getting physical... he needs to be interested in hanging on to her.

I'd say there's hope as long as he shows progress. If food is more important that sex... you may find the advice of moving on with your life is ultimately the best advice offered. And, as someone else has already stated: Most of the time, things like this don't get better.
The last thing you want is to give it 25 years and find you've missed the core years of your life.

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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

I remember my first day in the gym. I had been walking steadily for about a year, and was to an extent "presentable" (meaning, I found the loosest workout wear-why do they insist on making gym clothing skin-tight?). I hired a trainer to show me the right exercises. That was 2005, a year after my mother died from complications of a lifetime of overweight. A year later, and the treadmill and I became best friends. By 2010 I was wearing pants below size 40. Today, I am wearing the gym clothes that I feared. I have just crossed the border to size 32. I have energy, but the years of neglect still show. The diabetes is still there. Stretch marks abound. But there is no denying this fact: I have bought myself years of life. I will not be a fat sick old man. I will be healthy and vital in my 60's and beyond. My hope is for everyone on this journey, to find that healthy active person living inside and bring them out.
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