Sex less marriage - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 12:28 AM Thread Starter
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Sex less marriage

Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum . I want to introduce myself. I'm Tiffany, 25 y/o and I'm a newlywed. My husband and I been married for about 3 months. Knowing each other for 6 months. I know is a short time but things felt right and we went for it. My husband is 29 y/o big guy really really big guy. I'd say about 300 pounds ( there's a reason why I'm mentioning this) in the time we been together we have only had sex twice. When we first had sex I was amazed how small his **** was, in my 25 years of life I had never had a **** so small. I'd say his **** is 2 inches the most. When I got on top of him, I could barely feel anything. With the been said I still went ahead and marry him cuz I love him. The day that we got marry we had sex and it was so bad I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore if we didn't do another position besides me riding him. A few days later we tried him on top but with his weight and his **** being so small it was a failed a big failed. I'm so disappointed. I love having sex I'm horny all the time and want to be **** and his not being able to do it makes me so mad and I'm starting to resent him. His an amazing husband like I've no words to describe how lucky I feel but when it comes to sex I'm lost at words. I don't know what to do. He says his doing his best to lose weight but I don't see him hitting the gym often enough. I don't wanna leave him and I know I won't but I hate this sex less marriage. If I tell him how I feel it'd crush him. Can anyone give me advice please. Thanks

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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 12:52 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Welcome to the Forum, sorry for the situation that brings you here.

His being so overweight is definitely affecting his lengh, and his over all desire.

Does he want to have sex often, or is that only you?
I'm trying to figure out if he loves sex also, and wants to find a solution.

If you are the one doing the grocery shopping and doing the cooking you will get to control most of what he consumes. You can also work together as a couple at the gym. Provide wholesome foods, with delicious healthy snacks, and support and access to a gym and you may end up super happy with the results!

I wish you the best!

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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 12:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Sex less marriage

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Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
Welcome to the Forum, sorry for the situation that brings you here.

His being so overweight is definitely affecting his lengh, and his over all desire.

Does he want to have sex often, or is that only you?
I'm trying to figure out if he loves sex also, and wants to find a solution.

If you are the one doing the grocery shopping and doing the cooking you will get to control most of what he consumes. You can also work together as a couple at the gym. Provide wholesome foods, with delicious healthy snacks, and support and access to a gym and you may end up super happy with the results!

I wish you the best!
He does want to have sex too but him being so overweight doesn't help and he knows it. He eats healthy but doesn't go to the gym enough. I've told him many times to come to the gym with me (I usually go 3 times a week) but he keeps making excuses. I know I need to support him and I'm trying but I'm just getting so frustrated with him.

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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 01:16 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

You need to decide if you're willing to live like this. If he doesn't start working out, this will not get better.

When he makes an excuse, what he's expressing is that he doesn't care about your feelings, and your marital problems regarding this issue. He will of course deny this, but actions speak louder than words. So if you're letting him get by with lame excuses, stop, and start holding him accountable for what he's really doing.

And in regards to him "wanting to have sex", you've had sex twice in the past 9 months. That is not the mark of someone interested in sex.

"The problem with unproductive people, is that they tend to be the most reproductive people." - Unknown

"If you can't kill then you will always be subject to those who can." - Ender Wiggin

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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 06:51 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

At that weight, unless he is exceptionally tall and from your description I don't gather that is the case, he is most likely morbidly obese, or super morbidly obese by his BMI calculations. The chances of him losing and maintaining the loss are less than 1%. (See articles below, simply the first three to show up in a google search).

If that is the case, you may encourage him to see his primary doctor and get referred to a weight loss surgeon. Surgeries like Duodenal Switch can be a wonderful option for men, as it leaves them able to eat much more normal than some surgical choices. The weight loss would have tremendously positive effect on both of you. There are risks, but there are risks to weighing over 300 lbs too. Weight loss surgery isn't a perfectly permanent tool either. It is that though, a tool. So he needs to educate himself so he opts for the correct tool for HIM for his long term success and quality of life. I wish you both the best.


Obese people almost never attain normal weight, study finds - CBS News
http://bit.ly/2ideQEn
Why Less Than 1% Of Obese Individuals Will Reach Normal Weight | Natural Society

Ciao,

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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 09:15 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

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Originally Posted by Tiffany Love View Post
I don't wanna leave him and I know I won't but I hate this sex less marriage. If I tell him how I feel it'd crush him. Can anyone give me advice please. Thanks
There is NOTHING about the idea of you wanting to have more and better sex with your husband that would hurt his feelings. If you love him you should be willing to overcome the fact that sex with an overweight person is challenging and awkward. Aside from PIV (penis in vagina) there are countless things the two of you can do (oral, manual, toys, trying new positions) to enjoy a good sex life together.

There is plenty of porn out there with men that are overweight and not really that endowed. They seem to have no problems giving a porn star performance with a willing and confident partner that adds the challenge of her also being really overweight as well.

My advice is to accept that sex will be a little awkward, but be playful about it instead of getting frustrated. Have him insert one or two large yoni eggs (or ben wah balls) prior to penetration and THEN have PIV sex with them inserted, or use ample coconut oil to grind on him while they are inserted as an easy way to feel full and obtain new positions.

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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 09:28 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Bad sex is more than enough reason to end a romantic relationship. Give yourself some time (3 - 6 months) to work on this. Follow the advice here to use positions, toys and instructional videos to see if there are ways you can make sex fun and satisfying together. Force yourself and him to talk about all of this and not hide from the embarrassing or painful parts. sharing your fears and insecurities and vulnerabilities is what builds lasting intimacy in marriage. All that said, if you can't make it work or if he won't open up and work on this with you, then you should leave him to find someone more compatible. As they often say, sex is 10% or less of marriage when it is going well, but 90% of marriage when it is not. Or "sex is like oxygen, you don't think much about it when you are getting plenty but it is all you think about when you aren't getting enough."

Remember Holdingontoit's 2 rules for sexual mismatch:

1. Don't get married while there is a sexual mismatch, it isn't fair to either of you.
2. Don't have kids while there is a sexual mismatch, it isn't fair to the kids.

You already broke rule #1. Everyone here will tell you that breaking rule #2 makes it much much harder to fix the sex problem and much much more difficult to extricate yourself if you can't.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

You have my permission to divorce. Why did you get married?? Don't worry, I got married to a b*tch who I hated having sex with. It happens to all of us. Young and dumb. I divorced her 8 years later after 2 kids, a house, cars, etc etc. Don't be me. Divorce now while it's a simple business transaction. DIVORCE NOW!
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 10:17 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

If you wish to continue the marriage, research other positions that can allow for deeper penetration.

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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 11:49 AM
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Sex less marriage

Wow I used to think I had few manhood, my penis is about 5 to 5 1/2" when erected from the base down up and wife seems comfortable with my size, but 2" are you sure your husband is about 2"? If so why don't you try different techniques with him that will increase his stamina and perhaps help you with your sex life. But from what it sounds, he may not be interested and be as sexually actively as you are. Similar happens to me when wife doesn't want to have sex,...

but as others have pointed out here you're not bound to stay married and even better for you now that you don't have kids with him yet and have been recently married. You're still within the "returned period" from date of purchase; be wise and act upon it.


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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:23 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

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Originally Posted by Tiffany Love View Post
He eats healthy but doesn't go to the gym enough. I've told him many times to come to the gym with me (I usually go 3 times a week) but he keeps making excuses.
He might be 'eating healthy' at home where you're the one preparing the meals, but once he's out, I can pretty much guarantee you he's making up for lost time every chance he gets.

If I had a nickel for every overweight woman I've seen literally stuffed into the driver's seat of a mini van or SUV pulling out of the McDonald's drive-thru while shoving a burger down her throat as I drove by on the highway, I'd be rich. And I can guarantee these are probably the same women complaining to all their friends and husbands how they just can't lose weight no matter WHAT diet they're on.

Trust me. He's doing the same thing at Micky D's before coming home.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:35 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

At his weight going to a gym could do more harm than good.He could very easily pull a muscle or strain a ligament and then would probably gain more weight while waiting to heal.The most I would recommend would be some light sessions on a treadmill.Why don't you just go for a walk with him every day,it will start to improve his aerobic fitness and when he sees weight starting to come off it will encourage him.Also to maintain a body weight of three hundred pounds he would have to be eating thousands of calories over his recommended amount,it takes about four and a half thousand calories to maintain that weight while remaining sedentary.
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:38 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

Many people report great success with cycling to lose weight... Assuming of course your community is cycling friendly and the weather cooperates.

Google Clydesdale Cycling for details.
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 08:41 AM
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Re: Sex less marriage

I am with @Andy1001.

Start with walking. When he can walk far without getting strained, he can carry some light weights and curl and press them while he walks. When he can do that for awhile without stress, he is ready for the gym.

And the best part of walking is that you guys can do it together.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 02:05 PM
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Re: Sex less marriage

There's a good chance much of his penis is hidden by his fat.


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