future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please help - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 12:20 AM Thread Starter
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future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please help

for a couple of months now my fiance says she hurt after we have sex, says have a burning sensation afterwards
we went to a doctor two months ago
the doctor said she had bacteria, gave her some big tablets that should be inserted for 6 days
once that finished we kept trying, i could sense that she keep hurt but wont tell me so i wont feel bad
after a while i talked to her about it again and we went to a doctor again, i should note that she also had bad smell after sex, at the doctor they say have bacteria, again, this time they gave her the same tablets and also antibiotics, she finished the treatment yesterday, we tried again, this time no smell whatsoever, but again, after sex she said still burns and in the morning after it still did
im getting real frustrated about this, when i talk to her about this , her ways to fix is just take long breaks between sex so not hurt too much, i do not accept that, sex should not hurt, im scared that if this keep going she would eventually hate sex and obviously if hurt , never initiate.
i have a very high sex drive, higher than hers for sure, i learn to live with that, but knowing that my woman hurt everytime we have sex ? impossible for me, i always make sure she cum at least 2 times, i really dont know what to do next ...
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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 12:37 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

Sounds like a setup for sexless marriage.
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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 12:47 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

Do you use a condom?

If so, she could be reacting to something about it (as in an allergic reaction).

If not, she could be reacting to something with you (particular soaps, etcetera... again, as in an allergic reaction).

If you use lubes of any kind... same thing.

Her OB/GYN should be able to run enough labs to have an idea?
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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 01:04 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

Have you been checked out by a doctor?

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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 01:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
Do you use a condom?

If so, she could be reacting to something about it (as in an allergic reaction).

If not, she could be reacting to something with you (particular soaps, etcetera... again, as in an allergic reaction).

If you use lubes of any kind... same thing.

Her OB/GYN should be able to run enough labs to have an idea?
not using condoms, shes on the pill, about lubes, we usually dont use lubes, only lately we tried because we didnt know what else to try, although she never got dry on me but we thought it couldnt hurt.
i dont know about this crappy doctors around here(thailand) no health insurance so everytime need to pay about 70$ to see the doctor, i mean screw the money if its gonna help, but 2 times already and it keeps going on ?
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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 01:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

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Have you been checked out by a doctor?
checked for what exactly ??
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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 01:14 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

First off are you doing what you need to do to get her lubricated down there? Make sure you are because she may be in pain because she is dry when you guys start. You need to be making an effort. I wouldn't be surprised is most women's first answer to you is going to be this, because this IS the answer a lot of the time. Part of your job as her lover is to help her get comfortable and turned on so her body can take you so to speak. This also involves talking and learning from her, what she likes.

Now assuming you are then I think it is OK to make it known that her solution won't work for you long term, BUT understand for your GF this is probably akin to you having ED. She probably feels like a failure, or like her body is letting her down, you need to be aware of this and encourage her. This is a delicate line to walk, you need to be kind, and thoughtful.

I would try posting this on some other places besides here, I don't think you will get the largest sampling here as this is not really the purpose of this blog per-say.

I would start here

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/

and maybe here

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/

I wouldn't even talk about her not wanting to have sex for long periods of time, keep it clinical so no one gets defensive for her. The more answers you can get the better chance you will get to here from someone who may have your answer. Kind of like crowd sourcing.
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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 01:24 AM
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Cool Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

And you can always try a different doctor!

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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 03:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

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First off are you doing what you need to do to get her lubricated down there? Make sure you are because she may be in pain because she is dry when you guys start. You need to be making an effort. I wouldn't be surprised is most women's first answer to you is going to be this, because this IS the answer a lot of the time. Part of your job as her lover is to help her get comfortable and turned on so her body can take you so to speak. This also involves talking and learning from her, what she likes.

Now assuming you are then I think it is OK to make it known that her solution won't work for you long term, BUT understand for your GF this is probably akin to you having ED. She probably feels like a failure, or like her body is letting her down, you need to be aware of this and encourage her. This is a delicate line to walk, you need to be kind, and thoughtful.

I would try posting this on some other places besides here, I don't think you will get the largest sampling here as this is not really the purpose of this blog per-say.

I would start here

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/

and maybe here

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/

I wouldn't even talk about her not wanting to have sex for long periods of time, keep it clinical so no one gets defensive for her. The more answers you can get the better chance you will get to here from someone who may have your answer. Kind of like crowd sourcing.
im making effort believe me, wont get into it right here but doing everything in my power to make sure that isnt the issue
about learning from her, its real difficult, she is so shy about this stuff, not easy to talk to her about sex stuff , she get so uncomfortable that she start making joke to avoid talking serious about this, as i said before, frustrating.

as i said, we will soon get married, everything about her i just love, no complaints whatsoever, just this issue needs to be resolved and i dont know how anymore.
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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:55 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

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checked for what exactly ??
For any type of infection that you could be continually giving to her after she takes those pills and gets cleared up. Men can carry these things but not show any symptoms.
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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

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For any type of infection that you could be continually giving to her after she takes those pills and gets cleared up. Men can carry these things but not show any symptoms.
hmm, if have some sort of infection like that, its shows symptoms on her side immediately ?
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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 07:05 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

It's a good Idea to get yourself checked as well. And going into a marriage gives everyone peace of mind that you are both healthy.

I'm not a woman and my problem wasn't sexually related but several years ago I had a nasty skin infection that took over a year to knock out. Docs kept giving me stronger and stronger antibiotics until it finally worked. Their logic was they wanted to give me antibiotics that were just strong enough to kill the infection but not too strong. Had to go back at least 3-4 times until they got it right. Very frustrating.

I'd try a different doctor if possible in your area.

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...-she-road.html
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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 07:07 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

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hmm, if have some sort of infection like that, its shows symptoms on her side immediately ?
Inside a woman's vagina is a delicate balance. When that balance is disturbed symptoms can show very rapidly. Sometime within hours. If she had a yeast or bacterial infection, its possible you also have the infection and aren't showing symptoms, but re-infect her every time she finishes her medications and you have sex again. To solve the problem, you'd BOTH have to take medication and avoid sex until the treatment is complete.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 09:40 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

First of all if she claims it HURTS, take her word at it and be respectful! Do NOT insist on maintaining a very active sex life until this problem is solved.

In my opinion you should have her stop taking the pill and use an alternate form of birth control such as condoms for a while. SOMETHING is causing her to have chronic infections. Here is my advice:
  • Some OTC solutions for infections as well as prescribed medications destroy the healthy bacteria of a woman's vagina. Give her a break from penetration for about a month and engage in other forms of sex such as oral or hand stimulation.
  • When using your hands be sure that you wash them extremely well and use coconut oil as this promotes a healthy vagina.
  • You should avoid giving her oral, as the human mouth has so much bacteria that it is scary until things are better.
  • Blood sugar monitoring kits are sold OTC for extremely cheap these day. You should monitor your wife's blood sugar and make sure that it is not abnormally high. Please read this: Five Health Issues Women with Diabetes Face and What to Do: Our bodies, our diabetes - Life First
  • By your partner all new cotton underwear and avoid her wearing synthetic fabrics that do not breath well.

Hope that helps,
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: future wife keep saying she hurt after sex, at a loss for ways to fix, please hel

You have gotten much advice above this on how to deal with the infections and how to prevent further infections. I suggest you try all of the items and see which ends the infection.

I also suggest you do NOT get married unless and until you can have sex without her feeling pain. I do not care how much you have spent on wedding plans, how strongly you and your fiance feel about each other, family pressure, embarrassment from cancelling "at the last minute", etc. I cannot think of a more foolish decision in life than to marry someone who regularly feels pain when you have sex. It is almost a guarantee that your sex life will end after the wedding.

After all, how can you have sex with someone over and over again if you know it causes them physical pain? How is she supposed to feel love when you are constantly asking to do something that causes her pain and requires her to go to the doctor? As much as she loves you today, for now she is intent on getting you to marry her. Once that goal is attained, she will move on to other life goals. When she does, I can assure you that she will be less interested in subjecting herself to pain for your benefit. For now, that pain is the price she has to pay to get you to say "I do". Once you have said "I do", she may find she has much less motivation to keep consenting.

She may not even realize this. It may come as a surprise to her when her feelings change. She may be as unhappy as you are that she no longer desires to have sex with you. But once she stops wanting it and starts turning you down, the downward spiral is tough to break. Fix the pain problem before you get married. You have been warned.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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