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post #211 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 04:20 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I read a blog in psychologytoday where the author (male psychotherapist) stated it was healthy for 'older' men to view porn in order to stimulate sexual arousal either for partnered sex or masturbation. The general gist of the article was 'ladies, suck it up'. His blog resulted in lots of comments, both for and against his statement.

In the end, one responder shut down the conversation with a very simple question to the author. She asked him to write a similar blog advocating for 'older' women to view porn with young, virile men to stimulate their sexual arousal for partnered sex with their husbands. There was no response from the author, not that the responder expected one.

I'm curious to hear from the older men (40+) in long term relationships here how they would feel if their wives/girlfriends
1) were looking at / masturbating to young hot studs with big c)cks porn
2) needed to view porn to get excited for sex with them
3) lost some of their sexual desire/energy for them after masturbating to porn
4) were only able to offer handjobs or bjs because their masturbation habits made penetrative sex impossible.

Would any of you divorce your wives for any or all of the above?

Would it have a negative effect on the way you view sex with your wife? Would it have a positive effect?

Last edited by Lila; 01-08-2017 at 06:20 PM.
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post #212 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 05:55 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I'm 5'2, 110 lbs, fairly attractive. I work out regularly, I dress nicely. H and I went to the Caribbean on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I pranced about in booty shorts he picked out for me and skimpy bikinis. We have sex frequently. I'm good anytime, have never turned him down.

We both still watch porn. I don't know how often H does and don't really care honestly. I would be careful though in making a man viewing porn about the woman not being "good enough", not fit enough, or wanting sex enough. I don't think that's remotely true for all men. Men have much higher levels of testosterone than women do. I have a healthy sex drive so I can only imagine what that would be like lol.

During our vacation, we had hot sex one night. In the morning, I got up before him and took a shower. When I got out, I caught him masturbating to porn. He didn't hear the shower turn off. He had a bit of a deer caught in headlights look lol. It didn't bother me in the least though, it kind of turned me on. So I joined in. Gave him a BJ.

I don't see that as him having a problem, or me not being hot enough for him. He just has a really high drive. He probably just wanted a quick release that morning while I was in the shower. I think the fact that we're so accepting of each other really helps build a deeper bond between one another.
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post #213 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:03 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I read a blog in psychologytoday where the author (male psychotherapist) stated it was healthy for 'older' men to view porn in order to stimulate sexual arousal either for partnered sex or masturbation. The general gist of the article was 'ladies, suck it up'. His blog resulted in lots of comments, both for and against his statement.

In the end, one responder shut down the conversation with a very simple question to the author. She asked him to write a similar blog advocating for 'older' women to view porn with young, virile men to stimulate their sexual arousal for partnered sex with their husbands. There was no response from the author, not that the responder expected one.

I'm curious to hear from the men here how they would feel if their wives/girlfriends
1) were looking at / masturbating to young hot studs with big c)cks porn
2) needed to view porn to get excited for sex with them
3) lost some of their sexual desire/energy for them after masturbating to porn
4) were only able to offer handjobs or bjs because their masturbation habits made penetrative sex impossible.

Would any of you divorce your wives for any or all of the above?

Would it have a negative effect on the way you view sex with your wife? Would it have a positive effect?
Speaking for my husband

1. He has no problem with it. Thinks it's hot
2. It's not an issue but he wouldn't care, so long as we had sex
3. Doesn't bother him. Yesterday I was really wanting him. He woke up with a nasty headache though and I didn't want to bug him. He really looked like he felt horrible and that's rare for him. So I didn't expect there to be any fun time later. He took an afternoon nap so I took care of myself. He woke up and felt a lot better. That night he initiated. I told him I wish he had sooner, I already took care of myself. He got turned on, asked what I fantasized about, if I watched anything. I gave him a half interested, half falling asleep BJ. He was fine with that. We had proper sex today.
4. This would be the only issue he'd have. The key is moderation in all things.
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post #214 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:03 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by Celes View Post
I'm 5'2, 110 lbs, fairly attractive. I work out regularly, I dress nicely. H and I went to the Caribbean on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I pranced about in booty shorts he picked out for me and skimpy bikinis. We have sex frequently. I'm good anytime, have never turned him down.

We both still watch porn. I don't know how often H does and don't really care honestly. I would be careful though in making a man viewing porn about the woman not being "good enough", not fit enough, or wanting sex enough. I don't think that's remotely true for all men. Men have much higher levels of testosterone than women do. I have a healthy sex drive so I can only imagine what that would be like lol.

During our vacation, we had hot sex one night. In the morning, I got up before him and took a shower. When I got out, I caught him masturbating to porn. He didn't hear the shower turn off. He had a bit of a deer caught in headlights look lol. It didn't bother me in the least though, it kind of turned me on. So I joined in. Gave him a BJ.

I don't see that as him having a problem, or me not being hot enough for him. He just has a really high drive. He probably just wanted a quick release that morning while I was in the shower. I think the fact that we're so accepting of each other really helps build a deeper bond between one another.
Did you see what @lifeistooshort said about that? Guys who are truly high drive do not need porn to get off.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #215 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Did you see what @lifeistooshort said about that? Guys who are truly high drive do not need porn to get off.
No he doesn't need it to get off. Neither do I. But it sure does help. Women don't need vibrators or dildos either. We don't need erotica novels.

I don't need hot water to take a shower but it definitely feels a lot better when I have it.

Hope that helps explain it.
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post #216 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:13 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I read a blog in psychologytoday where the author (male psychotherapist) stated it was healthy for 'older' men to view porn in order to stimulate sexual arousal either for partnered sex or masturbation. The general gist of the article was 'ladies, suck it up'. His blog resulted in lots of comments, both for and against his statement.

In the end, one responder shut down the conversation with a very simple question to the author. She asked him to write a similar blog advocating for 'older' women to view porn with young, virile men to stimulate their sexual arousal for partnered sex with their husbands. There was no response from the author, not that the responder expected one.

I'm curious to hear from the men here how they would feel if their wives/girlfriends
1) were looking at / masturbating to young hot studs with big c)cks porn
2) needed to view porn to get excited for sex with them
3) lost some of their sexual desire/energy for them after masturbating to porn
4) were only able to offer handjobs or bjs because their masturbation habits made penetrative sex impossible.

Would any of you divorce your wives for any or all of the above?

Would it have a negative effect on the way you view sex with your wife? Would it have a positive effect?
1 ok, the rest not ok.

For 2, if I was obese or had bad hygiene I could understand it.

My wife went through a phase where she needed to be partially drunk before she would have sex with me. I didn't divorce her for that.

I would much much prefer my wife masturbate to some anonymous big ****ed porn actor than to my next door neighbour in her fantasy land. Much prefer. Can't understand how you can be threatened by someone your spouse will never meet or communicate with in person.

Last edited by Good Guy; 01-08-2017 at 06:24 PM.
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post #217 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:13 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I read a blog in psychologytoday where the author (male psychotherapist) stated it was healthy for 'older' men to view porn in order to stimulate sexual arousal either for partnered sex or masturbation. The general gist of the article was 'ladies, suck it up'. His blog resulted in lots of comments, both for and against his statement.

In the end, one responder shut down the conversation with a very simple question to the author. She asked him to write a similar blog advocating for 'older' women to view porn with young, virile men to stimulate their sexual arousal for partnered sex with their husbands. There was no response from the author, not that the responder expected one.

I'm curious to hear from the men here how they would feel if their wives/girlfriends
1) were looking at / masturbating to young hot studs with big c)cks porn
2) needed to view porn to get excited for sex with them
3) lost some of their sexual desire/energy for them after masturbating to porn
4) were only able to offer handjobs or bjs because their masturbation habits made penetrative sex impossible.

Would any of you divorce your wives for any or all of the above?

Would it have a negative effect on the way you view sex with your wife? Would it have a positive effect?
1) Would be hypocritical of me to have an issue with if I watch porn. However, regardless of what type of porn she may be watching, if watching porn is actually replacing sex then it is a big problem
2) Yes, this would be an issue for me. I have never needed outside stimulation to get excited to have sex with my W, and if my W did I would view it as a problem
3) Yes and no. If we have an active/healthy sex life it wouldn't be an issue. If we are having infrequent sex, then something like masturbation leading to less of a desire would be a problem
4) If penetrative sex was impossible b/c of their masturbation habits (is that even possible, unless they are cramming squashes up their ***** lol), that would be a problem

However, to throw it back at you @Lila , how would you respond to the questions assuming the questions were regarding your H?
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post #218 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celes View Post
I'm 5'2, 110 lbs, fairly attractive. I work out regularly, I dress nicely. H and I went to the Caribbean on vacation a couple of weeks ago. I pranced about in booty shorts he picked out for me and skimpy bikinis. We have sex frequently. I'm good anytime, have never turned him down.

We both still watch porn. I don't know how often H does and don't really care honestly. I would be careful though in making a man viewing porn about the woman not being "good enough", not fit enough, or wanting sex enough. I don't think that's remotely true for all men. Men have much higher levels of testosterone than women do. I have a healthy sex drive so I can only imagine what that would be like lol.

During our vacation, we had hot sex one night. In the morning, I got up before him and took a shower. When I got out, I caught him masturbating to porn. He didn't hear the shower turn off. He had a bit of a deer caught in headlights look lol. It didn't bother me in the least though, it kind of turned me on. So I joined in. Gave him a BJ.

I don't see that as him having a problem, or me not being hot enough for him. He just has a really high drive. He probably just wanted a quick release that morning while I was in the shower. I think the fact that we're so accepting of each other really helps build a deeper bond between one another.
Bravo!
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post #219 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:19 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Speaking for my husband

1. He has no problem with it. Thinks it's hot
2. It's not an issue but he wouldn't care, so long as we had sex
3. Doesn't bother him. Yesterday I was really wanting him. He woke up with a nasty headache though and I didn't want to bug him. He really looked like he felt horrible and that's rare for him. So I didn't expect there to be any fun time later. He took an afternoon nap so I took care of myself. He woke up and felt a lot better. That night he initiated. I told him I wish he had sooner, I already took care of myself. He got turned on, asked what I fantasized about, if I watched anything. I gave him a half interested, half falling asleep BJ. He was fine with that. We had proper sex today.
4. This would be the only issue he'd have. The key is moderation in all things.
I should have prefaced my post that I was curious to hear from 'older' (40+) men in long term marriages/relationships but I do appreciate you responding to those questions. It provides a baseline for a comparison for what the younger generation is like.

The reason I'm interested in mostly older people is this is about the time men start experiencing sexual health issues like ED and low testosterone. I can't imagine younger men, in their prime, objecting to any of the questions posed. After all virility and youth are the main ingredients for invincibility ;D

I also don't see many younger women, in the prime of their lives, indicating issues with their partner's porn use. I think it becomes more of an issue with older women, maybe even women who have had kids and their bodies no longer can compare to the 22- year old porn actresses.

I'm sure there are relationship experts out there compiling this sort of data.
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post #220 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:22 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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1 ok, the rest not ok.

For 2, if I was obese or had bad hygiene I could understand it.

My wife went through a phase where she needed to be partially drunk before she would have sex with me. I didn't divorce her for that.
Wow, that's got to be devastating.
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post #221 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:27 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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1 ok, the rest not ok.

For 2, if I was obese or had bad hygiene I could understand it.

My wife went through a phase where she needed to be partially drunk before she would have sex with me. I didn't divorce her for that.
Wow, that's got to be devastating.
Yeah she was in a very bad place at the time. That seems ages ago now.
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post #222 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I should have prefaced my post that I was curious to hear from 'older' (40+) men in long term marriages/relationships but I do appreciate you responding to those questions. It provides a baseline for a comparison for what the younger generation is like.

The reason I'm interested in mostly older people is this is about the time men start experiencing sexual health issues like ED and low testosterone. I can't imagine younger men, in their prime, objecting to any of the questions posed. After all virility and youth are the main ingredients for invincibility ;D

I also don't see many younger women, in the prime of their lives, indicating issues with their partner's porn use. I think it becomes more of an issue with older women, maybe even women who have had kids and their bodies no longer can compare to the 22- year old porn actresses.

I'm sure there are relationship experts out there compiling this sort of data.
My husband is 44. I'm 31. Porn actresses don't all have perfect bodies either. They come in all shapes and sizes. My husband likes specific acts in porn more than who's in it.
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post #223 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:35 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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1) Would be hypocritical of me to have an issue with if I watch porn. However, regardless of what type of porn she may be watching, if watching porn is actually replacing sex then it is a big problem
2) Yes, this would be an issue for me. I have never needed outside stimulation to get excited to have sex with my W, and if my W did I would view it as a problem
3) Yes and no. If we have an active/healthy sex life it wouldn't be an issue. If we are having infrequent sex, then something like masturbation leading to less of a desire would be a problem
4) If penetrative sex was impossible b/c of their masturbation habits (is that even possible, unless they are cramming squashes up their ***** lol), that would be a problem
#3 was directed more towards sexual energy. Many men state they masturbate to reduce their urge for sex....a release so to speak. Some women lose their sexual energy when they masturbate as well. I was asking if men would have a problem with less sexual energy during sex, much like after men masturbate.

#4 is a continuance of #3. Sometimes women masturbate, lose their sexual energy. If women had penises it would be the equivalent of not being able to 'perform' because they just masturbated. I hear men say that even if they can't perform, they are willing to give their partner's oral sex or get them off manually. I was just asking if this would be acceptable to men.

Quote:
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However, to throw it back at you @Lila , how would you respond to the questions assuming the questions were regarding your H?
My husband said he'd have a problem with all of them I think that's why he empathizes with me. He would be hurt to know that use big c0ck to masturbate, or that couldn't get hot for him without porn, or that I was expending my sexual energy on porn.
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post #224 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:41 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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My husband is 44. I'm 31. Porn actresses don't all have perfect bodies either. They come in all shapes and sizes. My husband likes specific acts in porn more than who's in it.
Thanks for the clarification on the ages. I appreciate your responses to the questions.

And yes, I know that porn actresses come in all shapes and sizes but by and large, the most popular ones are the fit and young.
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post #225 of 371 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:57 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I read a blog in psychologytoday where the author (male psychotherapist) stated it was healthy for 'older' men to view porn in order to stimulate sexual arousal either for partnered sex or masturbation. The general gist of the article was 'ladies, suck it up'. His blog resulted in lots of comments, both for and against his statement.

In the end, one responder shut down the conversation with a very simple question to the author. She asked him to write a similar blog advocating for 'older' women to view porn with young, virile men to stimulate their sexual arousal for partnered sex with their husbands. There was no response from the author, not that the responder expected one.

I'm curious to hear from the older men (40+) in long term relationships here how they would feel if their wives/girlfriends
1) were looking at / masturbating to young hot studs with big c)cks porn
2) needed to view porn to get excited for sex with them
3) lost some of their sexual desire/energy for them after masturbating to porn
4) were only able to offer handjobs or bjs because their masturbation habits made penetrative sex impossible.

Would any of you divorce your wives for any or all of the above?

Would it have a negative effect on the way you view sex with your wife? Would it have a positive effect?

@Lila while this is not an answer to your questions, I once had a girlfriend in college that could not get aroused unless we were watching lesbian porn. She would get extremely wet and then upon penetration she said she felt nothing and would instantly dry up which would make further PIV impossible without lube. I found those experiences to be emotionally unsettling. After a few times she told me that she was just not ready to be sexually active and we broke up.

While this was about her being unable to accept her sexuality and desire for other women, porn played an awkward aspect of our relationship that "enabled" things for her momentarily to try and make heterosexuality to work. I accepted that she liked girl on girl porn and was not offended, and I guess this attracted her to me. That and the fact I had very long hair and kind of looked girly at that time in college. She really really liked my long hair and would make me take out my ponytail when we would make out. Oral sex was the only thing that worked between us.

Very strange parallel there isn't it to your analogy about porn?

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