Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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They really must be projecting - they must be furiously comparing their husband to the fit gym instructor each time they use their vibrator when their husband isn't around. I'm probably being judgemental here.
I think you a being a little judgemental. That's not to say that your example isn't possible, though.

She might just take it as a statement about her sexiness, as if she is not desirable.
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post #17 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:08 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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We've also seen several where the man is good in every other way imaginable and this is his one vice. Still they talk about divorce as the only option.
This makes me sad. They have an otherwise amazing marriage, but divorce is the only option? What about don't ask, don't tell? He pretends not to use porn, and she pretends to believe him. Make it work, people!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #18 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:10 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I'm not necessarily against porn but that's probably because my husband rarely watches it. It's usually limited to when I'm out of town for a few days. I would absolutely have issues with it if he was looking at it every week. On the other hand, I have no issues with him reading erotica. At least then, he's got use his imagination to create the characters in his head. They aren't real people.

Funny enough, I asked my husband once how he would feel if I masturbated to bbc/bwc porn regularly. He said it would make him feel inadequate, like I was secretly wanting something that he's not. That's exactly how I see it.

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post #19 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:10 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Great post, your Dad did a good job.
My dad is awesome. My mom, not so much :/

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #20 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:11 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I'm not necessarily against porn but that's probably because my husband rarely watches it. It's usually limited to when I'm out of town for a few days. I would absolutely have issues with it if he was looking at it every week. On the other hand, I have no issues with him reading erotica. At least then, he's got use his imagination to create the characters in his head. They aren't real people.

Funny enough, I asked my husband once how he would feel if I masturbated to bbc/bwc porn regularly. He said it would make him feel inadequate, like I was secretly wanting something that he's not. That's exactly how I see it.

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So, you guys have pretty similar views on the stuff. That's good.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #21 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:18 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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So, you guys have pretty similar views on the stuff. That's good.
We are but were he to change, I would not put up with it. We'd divorce due to incompatibility.

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post #22 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:20 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I view porn like alcohol consumption.

Person "A" drinks every day, becomes an alcoholic and destroys himself and his family.

Person "B" drinks every day, one glass. In fact, his doctor TOLD him to do so after his heart attack.

Both person A and B drink alcohol. Just because person A ruined his life, we should not automatically assume person B will do the same.
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post #23 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:21 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

Where it gets "interesting" is a situation where one person uses porn for "relief", in part b/c of a poor sexual relationship with their SO. An example would be someone getting pissed their SO uses porn yet shows very little interest in maintaining a sexual relationship (whether due to drive mismatch, religious beliefs, etc...)
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post #24 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:25 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I'm not necessarily against porn but that's probably because my husband rarely watches it. It's usually limited to when I'm out of town for a few days. I would absolutely have issues with it if he was looking at it every week. On the other hand, I have no issues with him reading erotica. At least then, he's got use his imagination to create the characters in his head. They aren't real people.

Funny enough, I asked my husband once how he would feel if I masturbated to bbc/bwc porn regularly. He said it would make him feel inadequate, like I was secretly wanting something that he's not. That's exactly how I see it.

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I would say I feel the same way. If one person is out of town you aren't really replacing anything. I have to think though that for some (many?) using porn is in some way taking sexual energy away from their SO. I know if I took care of myself watching porn, I would have a lot less interest in initiating anything with my W that day, so it would have a very clear impact.
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post #25 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:28 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Where it gets "interesting" is a situation where one person uses porn for "relief", in part b/c of a poor sexual relationship with their SO. An example would be someone getting pissed their SO uses porn yet shows very little interest in maintaining a sexual relationship (whether due to drive mismatch, religious beliefs, etc...)
badsanta's post regarding "Maybe if you didn't use porn you'd be more apt to fix the problem of why you'd want to use porn in the first place" is a heck of a counter argument, I have to admit.

Turns it around from "why do you use porn?" into "What is stopping you from fixing the reason why you use porn in the first place?" (at least for me).
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post #26 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:32 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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But with my mother, I think it's also about control. She wants to control everyone and everything around her, and she can be very manipulative. She loves using shame as a weapon to control people.
But @FeministInPink if only she knew that her contributions to porn's "forbidden" aspect was likely what made your father enjoy it the most!

You should be ashamed of yourself! = OMG..OMG..OMG!!!! (otherwise a nice kick of adrenaline is one of the more challenging aspects of self arousal to achieve)

Had she said, come on over let's watch it together while I finish this cross stitch pattern, it would have become mundane and boring for what it actually is for the most part since most is faked.

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post #27 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:40 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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badsanta's post regarding "Maybe if you didn't use porn you'd be more apt to fix the problem of why you'd want to use porn in the first place" is a heck of a counter argument, I have to admit.

Turns it around from "why do you use porn?" into "What is stopping you from fixing the reason why you use porn in the first place?" (at least for me).
Very true. Or you could argue, "I wouldn't use porn if you actually showed interest in a sex life", which then turns it around to the other person being the reason for the porn use (maybe drive mismatch or other).
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post #28 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:58 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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But @FeministInPink if only she knew that her contributions to porn's "forbidden" aspect was likely what made your father enjoy it the most!

You should be ashamed of yourself! = OMG..OMG..OMG!!!! (otherwise a nice kick of adrenaline is one of the more challenging aspects of self arousal to achieve)

Had she said, come on over let's watch it together while I finish this cross stitch pattern, it would have become mundane and boring for what it actually is for the most part since most is faked.

Badsanta

OMG, I know!!! The thought HAS occurred to me...

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post #29 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

If porn use reduces interest in having sex with your spouse, that's a real problem - IF, of course, your spouse actually wants to have sex with you. My view is that if that kind of problem does not result, then if someone wants to use porn, they have that right. No one should dictate what you do with your own body and mind - aside from any mutual agreement you have made. We hear "Women's bodies, women's choice," about everything these days. Guess what? That applies to men, too. I also think that if a woman has body image issues, that is her issue to deal with - her husband's porn use has nothing to do with it, as has been confirmed by research. Of course, he needn't flaunt it, and should be genuinely supportive, and she shouldn't pry - it's really not her business (or vice versa), IMO.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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post #30 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 12:05 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I don't think I'd feel inadequate if I caught my wife using porn. It'd probably be the type of porn where people complain all the time since that's what it seems she gets off on these days.
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