Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 05:31 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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So let me ask you then have you ever seen a chippendales show or been to a bachelorette party? So you have no problems with your son doing the same then since you participated in it. Ever experiemented with drugs? Are you ok with your kiddos being drug users?
Yes, I've been to make revue shows and have absolutely no problem if my son chose to do that for a living.

Yes, I've experimented with drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. I still indulge in marijuana and alcohol. I wouldn't have problems if my son sold either.

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Guess I don't follow what your getting at? So all things you have done or seen in your life you are ok with your kids being part of? Maybe we just come from very different backgrounds but their are plenty of things I have taken part in, seen, done that I don't want my kids to do.
I'm not sure how this relates back to what I said about porn but in response to your question......There are things I've done in my life that I deeply regret doing. I don't continue doing them, so no I wouldn't want my child participating in those activities.



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post #77 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 05:37 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Yes, I've been to make revue shows and have absolutely no problem if my son chose to do that for a living.

Yes, I've experimented with drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. I still indulge in marijuana and alcohol. I wouldn't have problems if my son sold either.



I'm not sure how this relates back to what I said about porn but in response to your question......There are things I've done in my life that I deeply regret doing. I don't continue doing them, so no I wouldn't want my child participating in those activities.



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Well thanks for the honest answer. I don't fault you for view I just don't agree or apply it in my life. I once smoked so by what's presented here I would have to be ok with my kids smoking, but I am not. I have lost every grandparent but one and two parents to smoking and cancer which made me quit. I would be through the roof if I ever caught my kiddos with cigarettes.

I think we all look through the lens of parents and see how we hope our kids will turn out and we just see different things. We will have to agree to disagree on it.
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post #78 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 05:55 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Well thanks for the honest answer. I don't fault you for view I just don't agree or apply it in my life. I once smoked so by what's presented here I would have to be ok with my kids smoking, but I am not. I have lost every grandparent but one and two parents to smoking and cancer which made me quit. I would be through the roof if I ever caught my kiddos with cigarettes.

I think we all look through the lens of parents and see how we hope our kids will turn out and we just see different things. We will have to agree to disagree on it.
I don't know many people who would support their kids doing something they themselves might have done and regretted. I get what you're saying about wanting better for our kids but the 'do as I say, not as I do' is hypocrisy. To use alcohol as an example, it would be hypocritical of me to enjoy going to bars but get upset because my son became a bar tender. If I find bar life so low class for my son maybe I need to stop patronizing bars.

But I accept that not everyone thinks alike. Agree to disagree.

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post #79 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 06:18 PM Thread Starter
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So the main theme is the exploitation of women in porn? I'm sure some of them are but by no means all.

How do people who think like this justify buying clothes made by child labor, as most clothes nowadays, even the big brand names, are?

What about anime porn? Are people OK with that?

The comment about the romance novels not being real people is a silly one - then films like 50 shades are off limits or male strip shows as these are real people?

I still think it's about controlling behaviour. If modern women can do what they want with their bodies and so can I.
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post #80 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 06:47 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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So the main theme is the exploitation of women in porn? I'm sure some of them are but by no means all.

How do people who think like this justify buying clothes made by child labor, as most clothes nowadays, even the big brand names, are?

What about anime porn? Are people OK with that?

The comment about the romance novels not being real people is a silly one - then films like 50 shades are off limits or male strip shows as these are real people?

I still think it's about controlling behaviour. If modern women can do what they want with their bodies and so can I.
@Good Guy, I don't think anyone has said that men are not entitled to do whatever they want to do with their bodies. You asked a question, Why do women object to porn in marriage, and you've gotten responses. By your last post it sounds like you weren't really interested in listening to the responses. Instead you seem to have the answers and are looking to push your agenda.

Instead of wasting time asking 'why women are opposed to porn', why didn't you just tell women your opinion on porn and leave it at that? You would have gotten tons of validation and possibly the debate you seek.

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post #81 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 06:57 PM
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For me, I'm against porn. Always have been. And my husband has known this from verrryy early on in our relationship. Yes it makes me feel inadequate, like I'm not enough. And simply the fact that porn takes sexual tensions away without needing me makes me feel....... Unecessary for lack of a better word. Despite knowing just how crushing it is to me a few years ago I found out he's basically obsessed with it. We stopped having sex, he would get FRUSTRATED with me DURING sex, like I was competing with some invisible force I could never measure up to. 3 months ago I contacted a divorce lawyer and scared the living **** out of him.

I never deny my husband sex. If he wants it anyway, everyway, every day of the week or more Im always game. And I gladly meet his needs be it sex, BJ, HJ even without reciprocation on every occasion. We are never out of town without each other and we talk about sex and our fantasies openly and freely.

Despite this, he STILL was doing it and getting literally irritated that I couldn't physically do something a certain way.

This is why I have always been so against porn. Some people are ok with it and good for them. I'm not. I've never told him he isn't ALLOWED to look at porn, but I have told him since day ONE that I refuse to be with someone who does. I don't have to accept any behaviour that causes me intense lasting pain. Yes he's a man and men have "needs" well guess what so do I. I NEED to feel like I am enough.

Everyone who is "shocked" that a woman will divorce a man over porn should be equally as "shocked" that a man would throw his marriage away just so he can continue to beat off into a sock alone, there is no difference. I think it's pathetic and until a couple years ago my husband told me he felt the same way. Not being able to go without porn is just insane. Of course you can, it's not a literal compulsion, and humans can show self control. Then he decided to change the values I though we both shared, lie to me a million times, hide things from me, compare me, blame me, and deny me. This is his last chance, once more and I'm gone.

And no. I can't care about what others think about me and my point of view, I know what I can live with and what I can't. You may not understand it but the pain that I have been through this last little while is heavy enough to physically pick up.
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post #82 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:04 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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My first question when porn discussions come up is often whether one who uses porn would be ok with their daughter doing it, assuming it's what she wanted.

If so at least they're consistent.

All porn actresses are someone's daughter, so if it's ok for you to get off to their daughter it should be ok for them to get off to your daughter.

But if you watch porn and would be unhappy with your daughter doing it you should think about that.

I have sons and would be unhappy if they did porn.

But I don't watch it. I have in the past but it doesn't do much for me.
I wouldn't be happy if my sons or daughters went into the gun business doesn't mean I am against guns. So again you have no problem with CGI porn then because there are no real people involved right?
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post #83 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I wouldn't be happy if my sons or daughters went into the gun business doesn't mean I am against guns. So again you have no problem with CGI porn then because there are no real people involved right?
No, under the what's good for the goose is good for the gander principle cgi presents no issues.

There are other reasons I think porn is generally bad for relationships but the issue of someone's daughter or son is not present in cgi.
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post #84 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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No, under the what's good for the goose is good for the gander principle cgi presents no issues.

There are other reasons I think porn is generally bad for relationships but the issue of someone's daughter or son is not present in cgi.
I don't think performing in porn is the same as looking at porn. I would have no problem with my son or daughter looking at porn, however I would make sure they understand it's not real and it doesn't really present the healthiest of relationships. It just a fantasy. This really is a 20th century problem as now from what I can tell the kids make there own porn. Look at all the cam girls there are. The horse has left the barn at this point. I am hopeful that CGI will at least keep young people from selling their sexuality on a web cam to pay for collage for instance.
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post #85 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Let me look for the link of the reddit support forum. It's made up mostly of 18 - 29 year old guys who are having problems dating. It's sad to read how some of these guys didn't have their first sexual orgasm with a partner until after dating them for OVER A YEAR.

There is one 'self-help' website they reference often....yourbrainonporn.



FIP, I empathize with your situation. My husband (40) has been struggling with ED (performance anxiety) for years now. I have a very loooong thread in private talking about our struggles with it. It's been a challenge all of the way around.
nofap.

@FeministInPink

This gets into some of the particulars. What's interesting about this is there is no shaming, it's more like "do this to reset your brain to be more healthy". I like their approach,.

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post #86 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:21 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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That's a total double standard that I am perfectly OK with because the guys that do play know the risks and choose to play anyway because they make millions doing so.

One in particular that we all know you love and who I hope loses Sunday.
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post #87 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:24 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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No, he's not holding back, not at all. He WANTS to. Very badly. It is very, very difficult for him to orgasm. There have been instances when I've watched him masturbate and it's taken him over an hour to climax. And it's not because I'm watching him--being watched is a turn on for him. If I hadn't been watching, he might not have climaxed at all in those instances.

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This sounds more medical, though now it could be like a recurring cycle.

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post #88 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I hate porn because in college we were shown movies in one of my sociology classes about the back side of the porn industry. Anyone who honestly thinks most porn actresses WANT to be doing it is sadly mistaken. Most of them are forced through fear, intimidation, extreme poverty, or addiction. And despite the illegality, many of them ARE under 18.

Why would any decent person want to support that? Whenever I hear a guy ask what is wrong with porn I want to ask him how he would feel if his own daughter somehow got trapped in that kind of life.

I also believe it teaches boys and young men to objectify women which is obviously not healthy and isn't going to lead to appropriate sexual behavior within a relationship.
This.

It also teaches that we are all disposable...like, when you're done with one ...NEXT! That said, I don't ask my fiance about his views of porn, or if he looks at it. Maybe he does, we don't live together now, but we are together a lot, and our relationship is the best I've ever had, and the chemistry is amazing. But, maybe men don't really view porn because they are lacking chemistry with their partners, they might look at porn because it's an escape from the stress of life. They should be turning to their spouses, but if their everyday life is filled with pressure and stress, porn might be an easy escape.

We all have vices, my escape might be going for a run, or retail therapy. lol I don't know if I'd leave my fiance over him viewing porn, probably only if it became a substitute for me, and of course if it led to other behaviors, like cheating (which I heard isn't uncommon for men who are frequent porn viewers)

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post #89 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:32 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by Saibasu View Post
For me, I'm against porn. Always have been. And my husband has known this from verrryy early on in our relationship. Yes it makes me feel inadequate, like I'm not enough. And simply the fact that porn takes sexual tensions away without needing me makes me feel....... Unecessary for lack of a better word. Despite knowing just how crushing it is to me a few years ago I found out he's basically obsessed with it. We stopped having sex, he would get FRUSTRATED with me DURING sex, like I was competing with some invisible force I could never measure up to. 3 months ago I contacted a divorce lawyer and scared the living **** out of him.

I never deny my husband sex. If he wants it anyway, everyway, every day of the week or more Im always game. And I gladly meet his needs be it sex, BJ, HJ even without reciprocation on every occasion. We are never out of town without each other and we talk about sex and our fantasies openly and freely.

Despite this, he STILL was doing it and getting literally irritated that I couldn't physically do something a certain way.

This is why I have always been so against porn. Some people are ok with it and good for them. I'm not. I've never told him he isn't ALLOWED to look at porn, but I have told him since day ONE that I refuse to be with someone who does. I don't have to accept any behaviour that causes me intense lasting pain. Yes he's a man and men have "needs" well guess what so do I. I NEED to feel like I am enough.

Everyone who is "shocked" that a woman will divorce a man over porn should be equally as "shocked" that a man would throw his marriage away just so he can continue to beat off into a sock alone, there is no difference. I think it's pathetic and until a couple years ago my husband told me he felt the same way. Not being able to go without porn is just insane. Of course you can, it's not a literal compulsion, and humans can show self control. Then he decided to change the values I though we both shared, lie to me a million times, hide things from me, compare me, blame me, and deny me. This is his last chance, once more and I'm gone.

And no. I can't care about what others think about me and my point of view, I know what I can live with and what I can't. You may not understand it but the pain that I have been through this last little while is heavy enough to physically pick up.
I think everything you said here is fair you have a right to expect him to hold to the promises in the marriage. You were honest with him before you married so it's on him.
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post #90 of 357 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:38 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
This.

It also teaches that we are all disposable...like, when you're done with one ...NEXT! That said, I don't ask my fiance about his views of porn, or if he looks at it. Maybe he does, we don't live together now, but we are together a lot, and our relationship is the best I've ever had, and the chemistry is amazing. But, maybe men don't really view porn because they are lacking chemistry with their partners, they might look at porn because it's an escape from the stress of life. They should be turning to their spouses, but if their everyday life is filled with pressure and stress, porn might be an easy escape.

We all have vices, my escape might be going for a run, or retail therapy. lol I don't know if I'd leave my fiance over him viewing porn, probably only if it became a substitute for me, and of course if it led to other behaviors, like cheating (which I heard isn't uncommon for men who are frequent porn viewers)
Here is the thing with this comment, for many men it is really just the same as retail therapy as you say. Lots of women say, turn to me if your are stressed, but then it becomes he is using you to get off, that will get tired really quick. I get that women have problems with it, but it's really not the same as sex, at all assuming your spouse has a healthy attitude about sex. It's not real.
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