Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:46 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Here is the thing with this comment, for many men it is really just the same as retail therapy as you say. Lots of women say, turn to me if your are stressed, but then it becomes he is using you to get off, that will get tired really quick. I get that women have problems with it, but it's really not the same as sex, at all assuming your spouse has a healthy attitude about sex. It's not real.
Yep, I read this somewhere, that many men use porn as an escape. Like anything though, it can become addictive, and that is when it can ruin marriages. But, for me, I know my worth, and if my fiance were to someday ''choose'' porn over me, or I felt like our sex life was being negatively impacted by his porn use, then I'd probably not want to remain with him. I don't think that all men view porn on a regular or even semi-regular basis, though. That is a myth that is right up there with ''most women want a guy for his money.'' lol
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post #92 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 10:20 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by Good Guy View Post
I got to wondering what is it about watching porn that is the problem?
Does it really represent the best part of ourselves as humans? Is it our best self, our highest nature, that engages in that activity?

Is it inspiring? Does it lead us to become better people?

There is a reason it is hidden and forbidden for purchase under a certain age, no?

Would we be proud to have our children know we have looked at it? Is it something we want them to emulate?

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The only reason I use women above is that I never see threads from men about this stuff.
I read once that around 1% of men divorce because their wives watch too much porn. It does not generally seem to bother men. If anything, it may turn them on.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #93 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 12:12 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I mostly agree, but the main use of porn is sexual gratification, which can be a stress reliever. People should turn to their spouses, but in some relationships they are frequently turned down when they do, so porn is a poor substitute.


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This.

It also teaches that we are all disposable...like, when you're done with one ...NEXT! That said, I don't ask my fiance about his views of porn, or if he looks at it. Maybe he does, we don't live together now, but we are together a lot, and our relationship is the best I've ever had, and the chemistry is amazing. But, maybe men don't really view porn because they are lacking chemistry with their partners, they might look at porn because it's an escape from the stress of life. They should be turning to their spouses, but if their everyday life is filled with pressure and stress, porn might be an easy escape.

We all have vices, my escape might be going for a run, or retail therapy. lol I don't know if I'd leave my fiance over him viewing porn, probably only if it became a substitute for me, and of course if it led to other behaviors, like cheating (which I heard isn't uncommon for men who are frequent porn viewers)
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post #94 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:56 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I mostly agree, but the main use of porn is sexual gratification, which can be a stress reliever. People should turn to their spouses, but in some relationships they are frequently turned down when they do, so porn is a poor substitute.
This is very true in some cases, but if you are being frequently turned down for sex by your partner I think there are problems in that marriage and lying to you spouse about using porn is not going to help that, it's going to make it worse and probably end your marriage.

I wish my husband had of been a man and told me what he wanted all those years ago instead of going to porn. He would of saved me all this pain and angry. I might have been pissed off with that conversation when it first happened, but when i calmed down i would have made the changes that my husband wanted because I love you him and want him to be happy, and if i wasn't able to make those changes i would have let him go for the same reasons. I know he doesn't want to lose me or break up our family but, he didn't have the right to make that choice, and by lying about the porn he has permantly damaged our relationship. We are working now to get it back but it will never be the same. I will never look at him the same...
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post #95 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 04:34 AM Thread Starter
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Does it really represent the best part of ourselves as humans? Is it our best self, our highest nature, that engages in that activity?

Is it inspiring? Does it lead us to become better people?
No, but neither does going to the bathroom.

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There is a reason it is hidden and forbidden for purchase under a certain age, no?

Would we be proud to have our children know we have looked at it? Is it something we want them to emulate?
My eldest daughter (18) knows I watch porn. We have discussed things like that. Like having a poo it's not something I'm proud of or want her to see but it is necessary (or at least masturbation is) from time to time.
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post #96 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 04:37 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
I mostly agree, but the main use of porn is sexual gratification, which can be a stress reliever. People should turn to their spouses, but in some relationships they are frequently turned down when they do, so porn is a poor substitute.
This is very true in some cases, but if you are being frequently turned down for sex by your partner I think there are problems in that marriage and lying to you spouse about using porn is not going to help that, it's going to make it worse and probably end your marriage.

I wish my husband had of been a man and told me what he wanted all those years ago instead of going to porn. He would of saved me all this pain and angry. I might have been pissed off with that conversation when it first happened, but when i calmed down i would have made the changes that my husband wanted because I love you him and want him to be happy, and if i wasn't able to make those changes i would have let him go for the same reasons. I know he doesn't want to lose me or break up our family but, he didn't have the right to make that choice, and by lying about the porn he has permantly damaged our relationship. We are working now to get it back but it will never be the same. I will never look at him the same...
I agree 100% with you there about the lying. I never lied about my occasional porn use - we regularly watched Red Shoe Diaries in the past and once even watched a "proper" porn film together, wasn't my wife's thing though.
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post #97 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 04:46 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

Porn is real. Real human beings have to do it. For the most part, women's bodies take the brunt of the wear and tear aspect of it.

Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: pink sock


Quote:
After anal penetration when the males member or device is removed from the anus the inner anal passageway folds out surrounding the extracted shaft and exposing the inner side of the anus. The pink socks appear's like folds of pink skin hangin out of the a$$hole. It slightly resembales a pink sock hangin out of the a$$hole .also known as a pink sh1t
Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: rosebud

Quote:
an anal prolapse, usually caused by the repeated insertion of oversized objects, such as fists.


Cartoon porn, or CGI porn is much better in that no living humans [or animals ] were harmed. There may be some real sick ideas presented in CGI or cartoon porn {gang rape, as an example}; but yes, obviously it's much better than using real people.



Yes, it is awful to have your husband/boyfriend prefer porn to you. To compare you to it. And to laugh at you in your face when you tell him how bad it hurts you. These are unforgettable memories.

It was a dream of mine growing up to be in love and to be someone's one and only; and for him to be mine. I know now that is impossible, unrealistic and a lie.

Would you guys be willing to tell your daughters what lies ahead for them when they grow up. When they get old enough to learn about the facts of life; will you give them a heads up, and let them know that they will never be enough for their future husband---and that he'll always want to have a good wank to some other woman?


Porn is not the equivalent of romance novels. Romance novels may have sexy parts; but they are words on a page/screen. No people are involved. There are no images.

And men read "dirty" erotica too. X-rated stuff. But a lot of popular books popular with men are very sexual. Even decades ago "Tropic of Cancer" caused a sensation with it's frank sexuality.

Porn is not the equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo.
The equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo....is a "male masturbator" . Link probably NSFW

Page 2 of Realistic Masturbators Adam & Eve



It's interesting to me, that men are confused that their wives don't see sex as a special way of connecting or communicating.

But yet men admit that they compartmentalize sex and that orgasming to porn is "meaningless". So, if orgasming [the highest form of human physical ecstasy], is readily seen as meaningless; why would your wife believe that having sex with her is special? Believe me, it's very easy for your wife to start feeling that she is interchangeable with an image. And I promise you, you don't feel special or desirable when you realize this.

Add in a few unflattering remarks from your husband about your body. Or, sex acts that you really, really don't find enticing or appealing, that he admits he saw in porn. Yeah, it's a real obstruction.

My own sex drive is what has kept me interested in sex. That and attraction to men's bodies. I've had a sense of detachment and mistrust to my husband for decades; because I *know* I am far from his ideal. I am not special.

By the way, how does porn improve the way men see women? How does watching clips/films with titles like, "Horny teen sl.t takes multiple c.ocks up her a.ss", or "Dirty b.tch gets loads of c.um. in her face" etc. etc. etc., make you feel respect, or regard for women. Answer; it doesn't. It's supposed to make you feel the exact opposite.

A couple of years ago, when it became apparent that my husband was not going to do much about his health related ED, I bought a dildo {4-1/2 insertable length}, just to stop feeling physically uncomfortable so often without relief. Clitoral orgasms alone do not fulfill me.

I had washed it and left it by the bathroom sink to dry (we don't have kids). He found it and basically wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days. I couldn't find it and he admitted to throwing it away.

And to think of all those times I pleaded with him to stop using porn, to please turn to me. "This is what guys do", "you have to get used to it"

I know. Porn is the winner. It is more exciting than me. The women are more desirable. I'm long since resigned to that.

But that was my life experience. I think it's a terrible thing.
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post #98 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 04:52 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
I don't think that all men view porn on a regular or even semi-regular basis, though. That is a myth that is right up there with ''most women want a guy for his money.'' lol
There are two types of men, the type that use porn and the type that lie about it. If a man who is married to a wonderful woman in every other way but would divorce him for watching porn, I could see how he could lie about it. As other posters said, it's not something to be proud of.

I can imagine a man with very low T might not use porn, but for the average man, who is not having sex on a regular basis, he uses porn.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex...ists-find.html

Also if a wife won't have regular sex with her husband, and he has plenty of offers, and he uses porn, is he a bad person? I've got a friend in this situation, he's good fun, reasonably good looking and very successful, treats his wife great, uses porn regularly. Never cheated even though he's had plenty of opportunities.

He uses porn to STOP him cheating.
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post #99 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Porn is real. Real human beings have to do it. For the most part, women's bodies take the brunt of the wear and tear aspect of it.

Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: pink sock




Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: rosebud
Really that is like any other profession, there are health hazards that should be managed properly. STDs for another.

Quote:
Cartoon porn, or CGI porn is much better in that no living humans [or animals ] were harmed. There may be some real sick ideas presented in CGI or cartoon porn {gang rape, as an example}; but yes, obviously it's much better than using real people.
OK

Quote:
Yes, it is awful to have your husband/boyfriend prefer porn to you. To compare you to it. And to laugh at you in your face when you tell him how bad it hurts you. These are unforgettable memories.

It was a dream of mine growing up to be in love and to be someone's one and only; and for him to be mine. I know now that is impossible, unrealistic and a lie.
I had the same dream - and I also know now it's a lie. Women fall completely and entirely for another man - whereas the porn use is a sexual release which is forgotten about straight after. Which is the bigger lie?

Quote:
Would you guys be willing to tell your daughters what lies ahead for them when they grow up. When they get old enough to learn about the facts of life; will you give them a heads up, and let them know that they will never be enough for their future husband---and that he'll always want to have a good wank to some other woman?
Yes, of course. I have done. My daughter has no illusions about men. I wish someone had told me the same about the true nature of women.

Quote:
Porn is not the equivalent of romance novels. Romance novels may have sexy parts; but they are words on a page/screen. No people are involved. There are no images.
You are rationalising here big time. Why read them???? The world of a book can be more real and absorbing than a film. You imagine yourself in that situation - otherwise there's no point to it. Anyone who reads a lot knows this.

Quote:
And men read "dirty" erotica too. X-rated stuff. But a lot of popular books popular with men are very sexual. Even decades ago "Tropic of Cancer" caused a sensation with it's frank sexuality.
Yes I've read some. I don't do it anymore because it's much much worse than watching porn. Not only do you get the full sexual details, you also get to feel how the person was enjoying cheating (and it's mostly cheating of one sort or another) or whatever it was they were doing.

Quote:
Porn is not the equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo.
The equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo....is a "male masturbator" . Link probably NSFW

Page 2 of Realistic Masturbators Adam & Eve
Would you be OK with your man using that?

Quote:
It's interesting to me, that men are confused that their wives don't see sex as a special way of connecting or communicating.

But yet men admit that they compartmentalize sex and that orgasming to porn is "meaningless". So, if orgasming [the highest form of human physical ecstasy], is readily seen as meaningless; why would your wife believe that having sex with her is special? Believe me, it's very easy for your wife to start feeling that she is interchangeable with an image. And I promise you, you don't feel special or desirable when you realize this.
There's an enormous difference for a man orgasming to porn or masturbating and making love to someone he truly loves. One is like a good pee after holding it in all day while the other is like nothing else on earth,

Quote:
Add in a few unflattering remarks from your husband about your body. Or, sex acts that you really, really don't find enticing or appealing, that he admits he saw in porn. Yeah, it's a real obstruction.
This here is the problem. This shows he doesn't love or respect you. I or any decent man would NEVER do this.

Quote:
My own sex drive is what has kept me interested in sex. That and attraction to men's bodies. I've had a sense of detachment and mistrust to my husband for decades; because I *know* I am far from his ideal. I am not special.
This is really sad. I think you have never had a man who truly loved you.

Quote:
By the way, how does porn improve the way men see women? How does watching clips/films with titles like, "Horny teen sl.t takes multiple c.ocks up her a.ss", or "Dirty b.tch gets loads of c.um. in her face" etc. etc. etc., make you feel respect, or regard for women. Answer; it doesn't. It's supposed to make you feel the exact opposite.
I actually think a lot of that is because of the shame men feel around sex and porn; and the whole PC world we live in; if it was called instead "Respectful man has loving sex with career driven woman" I'd still watch it, but I'd somehow feel someone was in there manipulating this area of my life too.

Quote:
A couple of years ago, when it became apparent that my husband was not going to do much about his health related ED, I bought a dildo {4-1/2 insertable length}, just to stop feeling physically uncomfortable so often without relief. Clitoral orgasms alone do not fulfill me.

I had washed it and left it by the bathroom sink to dry (we don't have kids). He found it and basically wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days. I couldn't find it and he admitted to throwing it away.
So you did this without talking to him first? I somehow get the feeling you DELIBERATELY left it there so he could find it - and from what you said I don't blame you! I can also see how he was annoyed - probably showing him how he wasn't a real man. At least he was upfront about his porn use with you.

Quote:
And to think of all those times I pleaded with him to stop using porn, to please turn to me. "This is what guys do", "you have to get used to it"

I know. Porn is the winner. It is more exciting than me. The women are more desirable. I'm long since resigned to that.

But that was my life experience. I think it's a terrible thing.
Porn was not the problem here. Your husband's disrespect was.

Last edited by Good Guy; 01-07-2017 at 05:36 AM.
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post #100 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:51 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

I don't have a problem with porn.

If young girls are stupid enough and greedy enough to be lured in by a quick buck to subject themselves to being battered in every orifice they have, then they're dumber than they already appear in these films. And most of these fools will probably be wearing their anus's around their ankles by the time they're 50.

For most, it's a choice, not indentured slavery. Not saying ALL, I said for most.

You can't be 'exploited' if you DON'T SHOW UP at the porn producer's office looking for work - right? I never chose to show up at a porn producer's office and guess what? I'm not being exploited in x-rated films and even more happily, all my body parts are still INSIDE me and not draped around my ankles. I think it's a bit ludicrous to proclaim that porn 'exploits' women and that's why men shouldn't watch it. As someone else mentioned, I'm sure those $300 sneakers that some people covet were constructed by 'exploited' workers in sweat shops yet people are still buying them.

Personally, I think women use an awful lot of lame excuses to try to control every single thing their husbands look at and every single thing they fantasize about. Such an exercise in futility. It's utterly ridiculous to think a man should only be allowed to find his wife desirable and no one else. Yeah, I know what the bible says but let's get real here folks - in the REAL world, it just doesn't happen that way.

Lastly, an awful lot of women like to try to blame porn for why their husbands cheated. Did you ever notice that WOMEN aren't accused of cheating due to watching too much porn? Ever notice they don't use that "porn made me do it!" fake defense when women are caught with their pants down? Funny how it's just men latching onto this OVERUSED get out of jail free card. Years ago I was married to a serial cheater - long before computers and cell phones, so porn was not readily available 24 hours a day. He'd have to rent a VHS tape and wait til I wasn't home if he wanted to watch porn and frankly, that wasn't high on his list of things to do, so the porn 'excuse' sure doesn't work in his case.

Yet, amazingly enough, he was STILL out cheating every chance he got. Because he was a low life cheater, not because 'porn' drove him to it. I think women just tell themselves this nonsense so they can accept what their husband's did rather than place the accountability where it REALLY belongs - on their cheating husband who did what he did because he WANTED to. They've become rabid about how 'evil' it is and seem to think their husbands would be right as rain if they just didn't look at porn. <insert HUGE eye roll here>

I just think women need to be a little more realistic. I have better things to do than 'forbid' my almost 60 year old husband from occasionally watching porn, like he's some horny 15 year old pimple faced teenager that mommy needs to control.

Just my 2 bits.
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post #101 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:57 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by Daisy12 View Post
This is very true in some cases, but if you are being frequently turned down for sex by your partner I think there are problems in that marriage and lying to you spouse about using porn is not going to help that, it's going to make it worse and probably end your marriage.

I wish my husband had of been a man and told me what he wanted all those years ago instead of going to porn. He would of saved me all this pain and angry. I might have been pissed off with that conversation when it first happened, but when i calmed down i would have made the changes that my husband wanted because I love you him and want him to be happy, and if i wasn't able to make those changes i would have let him go for the same reasons. I know he doesn't want to lose me or break up our family but, he didn't have the right to make that choice, and by lying about the porn he has permantly damaged our relationship. We are working now to get it back but it will never be the same. I will never look at him the same...
The way I view it, if a spouse is constantly rejecting their SO, then saying the other person using porn could end the marriage is unfair as really that just comes across as blame shifting.

Each situation is different, but I think there are situations where it simply is a drive mismatch, and the person with the higher drive is using porn to help meet their needs. You can't make the other person want to have sex more, and in all other aspects you still have a very good marriage. I am actually at the opposite end of the spectrum, where when we have gone through dry spells I actually rather avoid any sort of stimulation such as porn, helps to keep my frustration at a minimum, focus on other things.

Ultimately though, if porn use is replacing an aspect of the relationship that would otherwise be there, it is a problem/concern.

Side note, I don't buy the whole "If you don't want your son/daughter doing it, then you are a hypocrite if you watch porn" nonsense (not related to your post Daisy)
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post #102 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:17 AM
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Just wondering as well, how many women would have an issue with their SO watching porn yet would have no problems using a vibrator to take care of themselves? I see no difference between the two.
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post #103 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:29 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by Good Guy;17160793[QUOTE
Really that is like any other profession, there are health hazards that should be managed properly. STDs for another.

Porn is a completely unnecessary "profession". Handling medical waste or handling chemicals in a paint factory is something that is by-and-large, necessary in our world. If porn was no longer made, people would still have sex.





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I had the same dream - and I also know now it's a lie. Women fall completely and entirely for another man - whereas the porn use is a sexual release which is forgotten about straight after. Which is the bigger lie?

Men fall for other women all the time. You are being a sneak here, in trying to suggest that men are physically faithful, but only use porn----whilst women are physically unfaithful but don't use porn. Some women are okay with porn. Some go along with it to be the cool chick, who's savvier and sexier than us pathetic "prudes" who don't like porn.

But it's interesting. Young women are more into porn than women, say, over 40. It will be interesting as the porn industry expands to cater to a female market.

How *will* young husbands feel when their wives start preferring porn to them? How will they feel when their wife or gf. has to see other guys' c.oc.ks before she can get turned on enough to have sex with him. How will these guys feel when their wife needs to have a porn on during sex so she can watch one her favorite male performers while having sex with her husband?

From what I've learned about men's retroactive sexual jealousy over past boyfriends; these guys are not going to be happy.



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Yes, of course. I have done. My daughter has no illusions about men. I wish someone had told me the same about the true nature of women.
Wow, well I'm glad you have told your daughter what to expect with regards to porn and men. And yes, it's good that you don't see women as idealized princesses.

Marriage and human sexual relationships are being changed by pornography, no doubt. And perhaps it's good to know the truth. The truth is hard and leaves no room for ideals, or romance. But, yes, it is still better.



Quote:
You are rationalising here big time. Why read them???? The world of a book can be more real and absorbing than a film. You imagine yourself in that situation - otherwise there's no point to it. Anyone who reads a lot knows this.

But there is no-one there. You imagine an idea. There is no substance.

When I masturbate, I rarely think about men. Sometimes when I orgasm, the faces of men that I've been attracted to, kind of flash before my eyes. In the past, I had fantasies in my mind. Now I mostly think of disembodied erect penises. Because that's what I crave to have sex.

I'm telling you this to make the point that we all have sexual imagery in our minds. *Especially* if you were born and raised in the last half of the 20th century. I think men call this their "spank bank".

It's not possible to go through life at this time in history without absorbing images of a sexual nature. They are abundant.

Why seek out more? Why hurt your significant other? My husband told me that he use to masturbate to the women's underwear models in the JCPenney catalog that we had mailed to our home.

And if you guys really have such insatiable sexual appetites, physical stimulation of your penises for a couple of minutes while thinking about some great cleavage you've seen recently on some women bending over in front of you in line at the grocery store [or whatever]; should be enough? Right? Why isn't it enough? I mean, you're just aching to bust a nut, right? My husband used to ejaculate before entering me on a semi-regular basis. If you're crazy horny, it doesn't take much. I'm a woman with a fraction of the testosterone you have, and I know that.

None of us are pure. But you don't have to seek out more sexual stimulation from someone other than your spouse.

Having images of the teenage girl next door in your mind while you masturbate is a fire......watching porn of having sex with teenage girls is pouring gasoline on that fire. Isn't thinking about the girl enough.

And of course I wish that my husband hadn't found every other attractive sexy woman in sight enough to ogle and masturbate to; but that's probably unavoidable, to a large extent. He isn't seeing them fully naked. And he isn't watching them having sex. And those women were not having to work in pornography in order to "entertain" him. So although having your boyfriend rubberneck a group of pretty young girls when you are walking in the mall with him is embarrassing. Minimal damage is done when he jerks off to the memory of them in the shower.

If you can't [or won't] see the difference between images that you are unavoidable exposed to in real life.....and the manufactured images of nitroglycerin grade porn.....then I don't know how to explain it. I apologize for my lack of articulation.

Quote:
Yes I've read some. I don't do it anymore because it's much much worse than watching porn. Not only do you get the full sexual details, you also get to feel how the person was enjoying cheating (and it's mostly cheating of one sort or another) or whatever it was they were doing.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Reading words on a page about people that don't exist doing things that never happened can't possible compare to actual real humans being recorded performing some of the craziest sh.t imaginable. There is no comparison. And people in porn scenarios are cheating frequently; mostly from what I can tell. And if your watching it that's part of the turn on.


Quote:
Would you be OK with your man using that?
Cartoon porn, CGI? It's the lesser of two evils. I still find it soulless for married adults to use pornography to get aroused and get off. It's kind of pathetic. I guess I always thought of pornography as being for guys who were single; or for perverts.
I always thought of sex as being between just two people; in every way.



Quote:
There's an enormous difference for a man orgasming to porn or masturbating and making love to someone he truly loves. One is like a good pee after holding it in all day while the other is like nothing else on earth,
I don't get that impression at all. I'll take your word for it that that's your experience.

But modern research is showing that for younger men, at least, who have been "raised" on porn----porn is far more satisfying and exciting than their real partners. If you don't believe me, investigate yourbrainonporn. Or Google "my husband prefers porn to me". You'll see how porn is now often a man's sex-of-choice, despite his wife/gf. lying in bed waiting for him. Check out some of the threads on this site in the SIM section.



Quote:
This here is the problem. This shows he doesn't love or respect you. I or any decent man would NEVER do this.
You're referring to my husband comparing my body to more attractive bodies he's seen in porn.

He "loves" me. I am simply not as pretty as the women he viewed for years in print and film pornography. They are his ideal. He had very little verbal filtering when he was young and he told me what he thought.

Harsh and lacerating, yes. But honest. He's just more honest.

Quote:
This is really sad. I think you have never had a man who truly loved you.
In the physical/sexual sense; I would have to agree with you. My husband loves me in other ways.



I
Quote:
actually think a lot of that is because of the shame men feel around sex and porn; and the whole PC world we live in; if it was called instead "Respectful man has loving sex with career driven woman" I'd still watch it, but I'd somehow feel someone was in there manipulating this area of my life too.
You've got to be kidding me. The nasty-a.s.sed titles are what draws guys in. They allude to what the content is going to be like. A potent mixture of sex and hatred.



Quote:
So you did this without talking to him first? I somehow get the feeling you DELIBERATELY left it there so he could find it. I can see how he was annoyed. At least he was upfront about his porn use with you.
I started asking him in 2013 to please have sex with me. Please have sex with me more often. Why don't we have sex as much anymore?

Meeting him at the door and asking him to come to bed and have sex.

Walking into the living room while he's watching TV and asking him to come and have sex.

Reaching over to him in bed and getting my hand pushed away.

So, he knew I wanted sex. He now knows he has low testosterone. He takes anti-depressants too. So, yes, he is now a 50-something guy with a much lower sex drive.

And I have told him point blank to his face that oral with fingers would be great. Just fingering would be great.

And he has less and less interest.

So I bought a sex toy for the first time in my life. And I don't know if I subconsciously left it by the sink for him to find. I know I didn't think about it much either way.

But, I didn't hide it from him. And he doesn't take my requests for sex seriously.

Interesting that you automatically blame me and take his side [the side of porn use]. But, okay.


Quote:
Porn was not the problem here. Your husband's disrespect was.
I think porn and disrespect go hand in hand. But that's probably due to my experiences.
[/QUOTE]
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post #104 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:32 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Porn is not the equivalent of romance novels. Romance novels may have sexy parts; but they are words on a page/screen. No people are involved. There are no images.

And men read "dirty" erotica too. X-rated stuff. But a lot of popular books popular with men are very sexual. Even decades ago "Tropic of Cancer" caused a sensation with it's frank sexuality.

Porn is not the equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo.
The equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo....is a "male masturbator" . Link probably NSFW


Page 2 of Realistic Masturbators Adam & Eve

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Just wondering as well, how many women would have an issue with their SO watching porn yet would have no problems using a vibrator to take care of themselves? I see no difference between the two.
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post #105 of 375 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:34 AM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Side note, I don't buy the whole "If you don't want your son/daughter doing it, then you are a hypocrite if you watch porn" nonsense (not related to your post Daisy)


Why?

If porn is okay, and good and healthy. What's wrong with your daughter [or son] doing it?
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