Problem with wanting sex to just be natural - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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post #17 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

It's stuff like this that makes me question the wisdom of having internet.


But I still bookmarked it for future use.

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post #18 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 02:39 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

Boy I can't relate to any of this... I am one who will outright spell out what I want, open every fantasy.....did a whole "spice jar" for this purpose...but then he struggles to get "rough" or do those things.. as it's not 'his nature"...
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post #19 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:39 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

Maybe her fantasy is The Natural, she dreams of hitting a home run to win the big game and dancing around in the exploding lights ... Make it happen @badsanta!

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post #20 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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Originally Posted by Middle of Everything View Post
No sh!t. 20 YEARS?? You've got to be kidding me. She really doesnt want to do it then.
She often seems really embarrassed for some reason when things get really hot in the bedroom and she looses control. She likes be very in control.


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I'm thinking she wants you to "rape" her. Plenty women have this fantasy, myself included.

PS: not rape in the sense of a stranger taking you against your will, violently.
I thought about this, but discarded the idea. I do know many women have fantasies of sex being rough and being dominated by a partner. My wife and I have spoken in detail that she NEEDS an emotional connection during intimacy or no matter what I do that it will just not happen. While I have not been rough with her, I do occasionally play aggressively and playful and I can tell that doing that is not really her thing.

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20 years! Wow!
I stumbled on one of my wife's fantasies by accident. That was after about 5 years.
When i asked where her orgasm came from, one like I had never seen before, she told me she had wanted me to do that to her for years! Go figure. I'd have never guessed she had that fantasy, and when i asked, she said she never would have told me. She was afraid i would have thought she was a perv or something. One thing....it was nothing i would have thpought of doing, much less that she wanted me to.

Anyway....i did it all the time after that.....and i did it better and with more and great enthusiasm!
She told me another little thing she wanted to try later, and i did that too! Then...another and another.
One good ffantasy deserves another....


Get her drunk, and pry it out of her!
Or you may never know what you are missng....and her either!

Thanks @Lurkster I do actually believe that my wife has some ideas that she does not want to share with me. She has hinted at many things in the past after the fact that I have not done, but I do not know if she was just playfully criticizing my lovemaking (OMG she does that nonstop!) or if it was something she wants for real. ONLY RECENTLY has she been opening up about things that are helpful for me to do for her in the bedroom. Most of which involve me being extremely aroused before I initiate, but I thinks she likes this mostly because it puts her in control with minimal effort. So that translates in my book that she just wants to be lazy and enjoy ME doing all the work.

I was being playful this morning discussing a variety of extremely inappropriate things I had "planned" just fishing with ideas to see how she would respond to them if any would cause her eyebrows to raise. She just looked at me calmly and said, "I really do not like the idea of honey in the bed as it will make the sheets all sticky! Please do not try that one."

In my opinion there probably is something that she would want me to try, but she is really not that confident yet to ask for things that are just for her pleasure. I describe in detail to her what those things are for me, so when she does something she knows exactly what it will do to me. Meanwhile I get no feedback from her other than occasionally stumbling across something that sends her through the roof, and then she seems embarrassed afterwards and even accuses me of making fun of her because I got excited (but I do not make fun of her).

I'm guessing she likes being in control, but revealing a fantasy to me would involve her letting go. While she trusts me in our marriage, she would probably fear that I would use such knowledge about her fantasies to extort more sex out of her. Would I do that? Probably...

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post #21 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:08 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

Maybe she wants to initiate. Because you are always trying so hard when it comes to sex, she never gets the chance. Juuust a guess. lol

Wouldn't it be funny if I'm right?

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #22 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post

I'm guessing she likes being in control, but revealing a fantasy to me would involve her letting go. While she trusts me in our marriage, she would probably fear that I would use such knowledge about her fantasies to extort more sex out of her. Would I do that? Probably...

Badsanta
lol
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post #23 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 09:42 PM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.

SERIOUSLY?

Badsanta

PS: There is a small chance that my wife has no fantasy and she said that to make me work harder at making her happy. That would be so like her as she admittedly enjoys messing with my head and teasing me in that exact way.
Is that a free pass to try anything and everything with her?

My wife texted asking me if I was sitting down, and I knew what was coming next.

New Dads group
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post #24 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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Is that a free pass to try anything and everything with her?
Not exactly, but I do imagine it is a challenge for me to keep trying harder.

Try anything ≠ try something you know I might like
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post #25 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:42 AM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.

SERIOUSLY?

Badsanta

PS: There is a small chance that my wife has no fantasy and she said that to make me work harder at making her happy. That would be so like her as she admittedly enjoys messing with my head and teasing me in that exact way.

I hope this is a joke on her part because otherwise she has some mental issues that need addressing.

She has a fantasy and for the last 20 years has never told you but hopes you can read her mind and just do it with her??? FOR REAL?!

Greatest respect but she has mental problems and this is not normal. Most woman tell their men what they would like and what turns them on. It's called communication and the lades do this very well.

If a woman has a fantasy, she tells her man and bam it happens or she says nothing and nothing happens.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #26 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 05:43 AM
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Try inviting over her sister and best friend for a foursome ????

Joking !
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post #27 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:40 AM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

When I saw the title of this thread I thought the "problem with wanting sex to just be natural", is that when we do that sex just NEVER happens. And, I see that I was right. 20 years should be proof enough for anyone.
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post #28 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 07:09 AM
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Cool Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
The other day my wife and I were discussing fantasies (mostly mine). She revealed to me that she has a very particular fantasy, but that she will not tell me out of fear that it would absolutely ruin the experience by making it feel scripted and planned as opposed to her desire for it to happen completely naturally. She said she has been waiting twenty years for me to try it one day and that she hopes I will figure it out soon.

SERIOUSLY?

Badsanta

PS: There is a small chance that my wife has no fantasy and she said that to make me work harder at making her happy. That would be so like her as she admittedly enjoys messing with my head and teasing me in that exact way.
She may not exactly have a problem with "fantasies," per se, but it's painfully obvious that she sure does have one in the area of marital "communications!"

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #29 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
I do actually believe that my wife has some ideas that she does not want to share with me.

In my opinion there probably is something that she would want me to try, but she is really not that confident yet to ask for things that are just for her pleasure.
Badsanta
Not sure how you can get your wife to disclose her fantasy, or maybe (hopefully?) fantasies. Like I said, I stumbled on one of my wife's by accident.
The good news was, after I did, and and did it again cause she was so into it, she finally spilled the beans.
Yes, she didn't want to mention it. Lack of confidence, and a confidence I would think she was a pervert.
Also, she just took for granted, and believed that I should always be the one to initiate any sex, so for her to start something....no way.
Better news, was not a long time after that, she mentioned another "little thing she'd been thinking about".
It just got better from there.

Good luck, and keep working on it!

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post #30 of 70 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 11:31 AM
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Re: Problem with wanting sex to just be natural

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
I'm thinking she wants you to "rape" her. Plenty women have this fantasy, myself included.

PS: not rape in the sense of a stranger taking you against your will, violently.
This was my first thought.
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