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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #46 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

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Ok considering the fairly young ages I am seeing here especially for boys - my son is 13 and his testicles haven't descended yet and his penis is still tiny despite the fact that he's already almost 6 feet tall. Should I be concerned?
See The Undescended Testicle: Diagnosis and Management - American Family Physician


According to this, his undescended testicles should have been treated by age two. There are risks to his fertility, as well as some increased risk of testicular cancer. I'm not a dr., and it wasn't clear to me at first reading, but I got the feeling the risk to fertility is worsened as it goes longer untreated. The cancer risk -- maybe not, but detection by feel is impossible with them undescended.

What has his Dr told you?

Wikipedia article here:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptorchidism

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post #47 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 10:32 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

1. How old were you when you first masturbated?

12 or 13, 13 at the latest

2. How old were you when you first masturbated to orgasm?

Happened my first try. (I've always excelled in this department )

3. What were you thinking about while masturbating?

Is this how it's done? Oh, gee, I'm kind of committed and I hope no one walks in. How's it going to end?

Peers had made many mentions of the act, and I was feeling over due for the experience.

Didn't take long before familiarity with the mechanics left me free to focus on the fantasy. No cable TV or VCR or porn stash discovery for quite awhile. Had to make due with certain sections of the Sears catalogue, bridal magazines (you'd be surprised what could be almost found in there), and the like.

I recall one recurrent fantasy of a girl in my grade who I felt was so nice and beautiful and out of my league. We'd get lost in the woods, had to spend the night huddling together in my tent (somehow happened to have one handy), and were afraid we might not survive. And, well, things developed from there. It occurs to me at that early age not later than 16 I'm guessing) my stronger fantasy was to be needed, to rescue or at least be someone's strength. Precursor to KISA an codependent tendencies I'd express much later? WTF. Did not ever notice that before.

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post #48 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 03:08 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

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Originally Posted by Vega View Post
I thought about making this a poll, but I'm looking for more in-depth responses than simply giving an age. I'm wondering...

1. How old were you when you first masturbated?

2. How old were you when you first masturbated to orgasm?

3. What were you thinking about while masturbating?
Ugh. This question just brings back to the surface how sheltered and isolated I was and how all those around me that should have/could have told me about sex failed me (parents/school).

1. 18
2. 18
3. I was watching a porn I had secretly recorded from some channel called spice late at night. My dad had some aftermarket cable box that decrypted all the cable channels, and I mean ALL of them. He used it to watch boxing or something. Anyway, I would go in the TV room at 2AM and record for a few hours, then retrieve the tape at 4AM. It was a risky operation, because I had to be SUPER quiet and I could NOT FALL ASLEEP and leave the tape in the VCR!!! Of course, the tape was clearly labelled "History Channel" and the porn started after the history show ended and after about 5 minutes of static recorded on the tape. It certainly was "educational" :P. So, I got the tape back to my bedroom, where I had my own VCR (the old retired one). And played the video. It was heterosexual sex, nothing crazy. It was visually arousing, but I had no idea what to do with the erection. I thought maybe after the erection, there is something only a woman can do to make it work. I was completely confused how you can make a baby doing what they were doing. I figured, some fluid must transfer, but it's not urine, is it? Could it be in urine? How could a different fluid come out of the same hole? I must be in the urine. But, that can't be right... Then I thought to myself what if I rub my penis with my hand, kinda like the woman in the video. Bah, how could that work? I tried it anyway, and this amazing feeling came over my body. I was compelled to continue, faster, then before I knew it I was ejaculating across the room! The orgasm was the greatest feeling I'd experienced in my life by a factor of 100. I immediately wanted to do it again! But, also, I was so relieved to finally understand how you make a baby. It seemed like everyone else knew except me. This was obviously how. Whew... Then I realized, holy CRAP I have to clean all this up. It brings a smile to my face remembering that moment. I masturbated almost daily since then and remember being so much happier all the time after that. It was probably the daily shot of oxytocin from orgasm, made me enjoy life more.
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post #49 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:23 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

1. Around 12 or so

2. Around 12 or so

3. I was watching TV

I wish i never would have discovered it that early. I can't seem to have a normal orgasm without clitoral stimulation involved.
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post #50 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:53 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
I thought about making this a poll, but I'm looking for more in-depth responses than simply giving an age. I'm wondering...

1. How old were you when you first masturbated?

2. How old were you when you first masturbated to orgasm?

3. What were you thinking about while masturbating?
1. 13
2. same time
3. I remember simply thinking that I can't believe how good this feels. I was somewhat startled when I climaxed because I had no idea that was the end result.
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post #51 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:36 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

52. I'm now 60.

I was a late bloomer. I haven't left the house in 8 years.
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post #52 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 08:56 AM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

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Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
Ok considering the fairly young ages I am seeing here especially for boys - my son is 13 and his testicles haven't descended yet and his penis is still tiny despite the fact that he's already almost 6 feet tall. Should I be concerned?
possibly klinefelters syndrome. take him to a doctor and explain things. see what they say.

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post #53 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 12:22 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

How old were you when you first masturbated?

4-6, before Kindergarten I think.

How old were you when you first masturbated to orgasm?

4-6, before Kindergarten I think. It was faster and easier for me to O as a child than it is for me now as a post-menopausal woman. It might be easier for a girl to O before puberty than a boy.
I think I did it about once a week. I obviously had an instinctual sex drive even that young.


What were you thinking about while masturbating?

Mostly nothing except how it feels. I didn't know anything at all about sex then. I remember sometimes fantasizing about being naked and spanked in public when doing it and that made it seem a bit shameful. Even knowing nothing about sex or the concept of masturbation, I must have felt there was something taboo even though I never discussed it with anyone. I did it in bed before I went to sleep.

How did you find out about sex?

When I was 8, I asked my mother where babies come from. She wisely knew to only answer the question I asked and not give me more information than I was really asking or ready for. But that meant I had to drag out the information from her bit by bit. Because back then ladies did not talk about such private matters, she could not bring herself to say the word 'vagina' or point to that area on me or her, so when I asked where it was, she had to get out an anatomy book and show me. I asked her how 'intercourse' felt (since that's what she called it), and she said 'pleasant'. I was afraid of the idea at first even though I had masturbated for years, I didn't connect the two in my mind.

But in some ways, my mom was fairly modern. On her bedroom bookshelf, she had 'Joy of Sex' which I started reading at age 8. Also at age 8, I found my dad's stack of Playboys and always sneaked in their room to see if there was a new one when they weren't home.

Fortunately, I read some feminist books of my mom's at age 8 also, including books by Germaine Greer, Betty Friedan, and writings by Gloria Steinem. (I was a book worm since Kindergarten.) I remember those books saying women shouldn't be treated as sex objects and shouldn't have to shave their legs or wear bras if they didn't want to.

I realized the depiction of women in Playboy was sexist but I still liked reading it for the dirty cartoons mostly.

I think it was a very fortunate thing that I learned about sex from the book 'Joy of Sex' instead of just Playboy. 'Joy of Sex' made sex sound fun and natural and loving and a thing that happens between equals, not something pornographic or that objectifies women. It talked about women having orgasms and implied that sex is for women's enjoyment as much as men. It is sad when I hear about other women who had sex for years and never realized that women could have orgasms too.

What did you learn about it?

The Joy of Sex book was like a reference book which mostly discussed and depicted heterosexual sex, but made mention of homosexual sex and very briefly mentioned fetishes, BDSM, even golden showers I think.

What did you think about it when you first saw anything about it?

At 8 years old, I liked the idea of having sex in the future but was also sort of afraid it would hurt the first time, and I knew that I would always need to use birth control if I didn't want to get pregnant. The drawings in 'Joy of Sex' looked loving and romantic to me.

I never liked the idea of doing sexual things with males that I wasn't in love with. At ages 12-14, I used to briefly french kiss guys to see what it was like and we often played the 'spin the bottle' game with a crowd of friends where you have to french kiss the person of the opposite sex that the bottle points to. After a while, I realized I didn't even like kissing a guy unless I was 'into' him emotionally and physically attracted to him.

I had unrequited crushes in my teens and then a very religious boyfriend at 16-17 who seemed LD and repressed (a sexual mismatch for sure) so we only kissed. I was a virgin until 18 when I started dating a guy that I loved and was compatible with (who wasn't prudish about sex), and only after I went on birth control.

----

It is surprising to me that so many people never even seemed to touch themselves or get the idea to masturbate until they were teens. It obviously felt good when I touched myself 'down there', so it is mysterious to me that others could go so many years without noticing that. Maybe I just had more hormone levels than others as a child, so maybe for others, they felt nothing special down there until they hit puberty.

Also, I'm surprised other people didn't ask their parents about sex at that age (e.g. age 8-10 years). Weren't other preteen kids curious how babies are made, it didn't even occur to them? Even in Kindergarten I couldn't avoid seeing the drawings or etchings of erect penises and sexual comments on the desks and bathroom doors at school. I don't understand how kids in the elementary and early middle school years weren't curious enough to ask their parents (before teen years when you start being self-conscious and more independent of your parents)? Or maybe many parents lied or dodged the questions.

I told my kids only the mechanics of how babies were made (P goes in V and baby comes out of V) at age 3 or so (there are lots of children's books that help with this) but of course didn't discuss the 'feelings' of sex. I didn't give them 'Joy of Sex' but I did put various books on their bedroom bookshelves meant to introduce teens to sex and puberty.

I think my kids learned that making babies is associated with sexual excitement, romance, kissing around age 8-10 from watching TV shows. Many shows are sort of PG-13 these days that show people passionately kissing, talking about sleeping with each other etc..

I also learned a lot about sex and relationships from watching the daytime soap operas. I remember being so confused at around 7 years old about why in the soap operas there were so many affairs and how a child could be discovered to have a different father than his mother's husband. That led to asking my mother some questions.
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post #54 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 04:30 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

@kari2,

The reason I never asked my parents about sex (at any age) is I felt embarrassed and ashamed about it -- about being, or being someone who would eventually be, a sexual being.

I grew up serious about my religion, and I somewhere picked up shame about sexuality from that (particular statements in the main texts). Looking back, I put all that on myself, perhaps with the help of peers (teasing, trying to shame classmates for emerging or delayed puberty and sexuality) and culture (movies), and that's consistent with some neurotic tendencies at the time (social anxiety). My folks, looking back, and my religious peers too, were not looking at sexuality with the same lens of shame I was. (That aspect of my past would be worth changing, if I could do it again.)

@Vega, if it's not too much derailment, I'd be interested to know if folks found masturbation shameful or embarrassing, and if that changed over time. Same goes for partnered sex. For me, I finally felt liberated as a sexual being once I started having sex -- somehow that legitimized it. Though, that did not really remove the shame felt from masturbation. (That's a work in progress, made more difficult I suppose by being an adult in a very sexless marriage.)

"We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." -- Amy, from Spike Jonze's "Her"
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post #55 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
I thought about making this a poll, but I'm looking for more in-depth responses than simply giving an age. I'm wondering...

1. How old were you when you first masturbated?

2. How old were you when you first masturbated to orgasm?

3. What were you thinking about while masturbating?
1. Probably about 11 or 12

2. I think I was 12 before my first orgasm. Didn't know what I was doing. It scared me when it happened, and wasn't sure what that white stuff was, but it felt soooo good!

3. I was sitting alone watching "The Price is Right". Those models on that show were hot!
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post #56 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 06:52 AM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

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Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
An older female cousin taught me and my sister. I don't know her motivation and maybe it was wrong of her but I enjoyed it so I continued doing it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockon View Post
Hope you don't mind me saying this, but that is creepy weird.
Ah, I disagree. It seems creepy-weird now that we're adults and looking at it as adults, but when you're young (10, 11, 12) it's less about sex than it is about other things. It's more like a "hey, look what I discovered!" kind of thing, not to mention that, at that age, one tends to pass down all kinds of 'wisdom' and discoveries to younger siblings (or in this case, cousins).

Kids are generally pretty naive-minded and most of what they do is innocent. It's not til you hit your teen years that you start to become more aware of things like this.

Hell, when I was 11, 12 or so, my best friend and I masturbated in the same room a few times. Had nothing to do with each other in the slightest. No touching, no eye contact or looking or anything like that. It's more common with boys than you'd think. It's about discovery, during a time where you don't quite understand boundaries and the like.

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post #57 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 07:28 AM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

1. How old were you when you first masturbated?

10, maybe 9. I honestly don't know what prompted me to start, either. I think my parents bought me a book around that time that discussed puberty, and the body, and sex in a general way. Curiosity, I suppose.

It wasn't sexual, per se, it just felt good. I lost my virginity when I was 16, and up to that point, I actually was quite happy just masturbating. I was so busy with high-level sports, school, a part time job, etc. that I had no time for girls. I wouldn't say I was a late-bloomer, just that I had other priorities. The instant I got my first girlfriend, and we started having sex, it was a whole different story!

2. How old were you when you first masturbated to orgasm?

Same as above. Though I recall not ejaculating at first. I also recall not being surprised the first time I ejaculated, either, so I must have known it was something that would eventually happen. I guess the book told me.

3. What were you thinking about while masturbating?

Up until 11 or 12, nothing, just enjoyed the feeling. After that, magazines with women in them (not porn).

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post #58 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 02:46 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

On the topic of masturbation and discovery... I had a friend that called off an engagement after finding out his fiance regularly had sex with her brother since they were young. She didn't think it was a big deal and said it didn't count and she was still a virgin. But it was a big deal to him and and he called it off.

But now, I have a son (age 10) and daughter (age 8). I grew up with only brothers and no sisters. So, I was wondering, with hormones going in the teen years, how common is it that brothers and sisters have sex and experiment with each other. So, I asked our therapist today and she looked me in the eye and said "it is a lot more common than you think." WHAT?! I thought, well, she is a therapist and probably is exposed to more people that have had that experience than what is normal... But, I am still a little freaked out. How common is this? 1%, 10%, 30%? Is this no big deal to some people? We all know kids have poor judgement and don't think of the consequences... Is this usually just an issue of parents just telling them that it's not appropriate?

Anyone have experience to share about this?

Should I start a new thread?
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post #59 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 03:06 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

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I had a friend that called off an engagement after finding out his fiance regularly had sex with her brother since they were young. She didn't think it was a big deal.


Did I read that correctly?
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post #60 of 79 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: How old were you the first time you masturbated?

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I had a friend that called off an engagement after finding out his fiance regularly had sex with her brother since they were young. So, I asked our therapist today and she looked me in the eye and said "it is a lot more common than you think."
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