Feeling sexually desired - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 26Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:39 PM
Member
 
Yeswecan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,925
Re: Feeling sexually desired

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJKKDM View Post
She doesnt always reject me when I ask for intimacy but when we do have sex its more like a chore for her. I know my wife and what makes her feel good and I can tell shes not really enjoying it.
Well, does your W see you as one of the children, perhaps a chore or something else that just needs something because that is all she see all day? 18/5 months generally needs something all day every day. What is your roll in day to day in the home?

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
Yeswecan is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 10:18 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 540
Re: Feeling sexually desired

This could be related to your other thread.

Also could be PPD. Get her to go see her Doctor. They can run blood work to see if her hormones are out of wack.
ABHale is offline  
post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 10:33 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 18
Re: Feeling sexually desired

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJKKDM View Post
She doesnt always reject me when I ask for intimacy but when we do have sex its more like a chore for her. I know my wife and what makes her feel good and I can tell shes not really enjoying it.
My wife and I had our first two 19 months apart.

Two kids. Those ages. Breastfeeding? Caring for two kids is new. It's not just one extra kid. There are now two very needy and demanding little people. She's probably exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically. At one point, my wife said a six hour reprieve was too short (our second daughter has Down Syndrome). I also know dedicated mothers get better at mothering and five months isn't a great deal of time to adjust caring for, as I said, two very needy and very demanding kids.

Remember, she's giving all day because that's what toddlers and babies require/demand of their mother. It's quite possible she is "gived-out" and sex is just one more thing to give. Do not take it as a "vote" on whether she sexually desires you. If she's breastfeeding, she's won't be in the mood... there is nothing sexy about sore breasts, sore nipples, leaking, and "let-down" is especially adept as a mood killer.

Yes, sex is another item on her list... remember, she's still having it with you. I would argue, that a woman who is not sexually attracted to her husband, would not have any sex with him... period. None. Nada. Zilch. There are way too many rationale excuses at her disposal to avoid sex with you if that's is what she wanted. With that said, do not have a lengthy exhausting talk with her.
Stack is offline  
post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 02:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 469
Re: Feeling sexually desired

I went through the same thing with my wife. She said multiple times that she was "touched out". Our youngest is now two and it's sort of normal but I still feel like she treats it like a chore. I have noticed a big difference when I do more around the house or take the kids for a few hours.
ZDog377 is offline  
post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 03:08 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,321
Re: Feeling sexually desired

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZDog377 View Post
I went through the same thing with my wife. She said multiple times that she was "touched out". Our youngest is now two and it's sort of normal but I still feel like she treats it like a chore. I have noticed a big difference when I do more around the house or take the kids for a few hours.
I think this is key. Give her a break so that the kids aren't hanging on her all the time, and she'll be less likely to be "touched out," right?

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~

"Either you're interested, or you're not. Fvck yes or no... As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games."
FeministInPink is offline  
post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 03:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 469
Re: Feeling sexually desired

As another note, does she complain about it being painful when you do things sexually? My wife had some scar tissue build up from her three c sections that were causing discomfort and that caused her to shy away from it.
ZDog377 is offline  
post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 04:25 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,976
Re: Feeling sexually desired

Not everyone's sex drive tanks while breastfeeding. I breastfed each of my children into toddlerhood and it did not impact my sex drive at all. I didn't even know it was a thing until reading on here.

That being said, it appears that there are other matters contributing to the issues in this marriage. Those issues need to be addressed first.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html

Last edited by CynthiaDe; 01-18-2017 at 04:30 PM.
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 05:27 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 5
Re: Feeling sexually desired

Listen...
I am a woman and have had three kids...this type of crap happened to me each time. I don't know how young you guys are...I was 23, 25, and 28 when I had my kiddos...and I am almost 31 now. My sex drive was nothing compared to now even before kids. But let me tell you, just be patient with her. My husband and I went through three terrible dry spells after each of our kids. It's natural. I exclusively breastfed and prolactin is a ***** which steals your sex drive. When you are a mom to kids still in their infant years something happens to a woman that makes her totally kind of switch off the wife and turn on the mother. I can't tell you why exactly, but it happened each time to me. I tried my absolute best to pay as much attention to my husband as I could, but honestly, when he got home all I could think about was how much I needed him to take the baby so I could go pee by myself without putting the baby down and crying because I am a stay at home mom so my whole life and situation changed when I became a mom.

It takes a little bit for that wife and woman part of someone to come back. I think hormones are a huge reason why this happens, especially when breastfeeding. And...also note that the longer I went without sex, the less I wanted it. It is definitely something you desire when you're already getting some. I think a lot of times as a mom, especially with children as young as yours are, a women gets so used to sacrificing herself that I, in particular, found that sex was just something else I could do without so that I could sleep. Also, there was a huge amount of guilt the longer and longer we went without it...almost making me avoid it just because he would say something about how long it had been or how much he missed it...adding to the guilt moms already have about whatever other shortcomings either as a mother, or employee, or woman they are feeling...she's probably feeling a little bit a failure in at least one aspect of her life. Motherhood takes up so much energy. How does she feel about her postpartum body?

As far as what you can do as her husband...be there for her...tell her you love her...if you love her body...tell her...approach her about it...does she know that most men find the lack of sex drive in their partner to signal a lack of attraction and acceptance? I always loved my husband through all of the postpartum periods and I didn't realize that my lack of sex drive was making him question my attraction to him...which never wavered. Don't pressure her...pleasure her...as often as she'll let you...Sex is the kind of thing you desire the more you have it. Do the babies ever interfere? Cry or fuss? It can be difficult, especially if you're cosleeping...like we did. Keep reassuring her and offer to the take the baby, clean up the house every once in awhile...seriously, the more you offer to take off her shoulders the more relaxed she'll be and more receptive to sex...if she's astronomically stressed...the sex drive is the first to go.

Don't lose hope...my kids are now 7, 5, and 2 and I can't get enough of it. Our sex life is better than before children...partly because I think it skyrockets after about 29 for women and because my husband has been there for me every step of the way. I also started weightlifting and my body image has benefited from that so i'm more confident while naked. Try new positions...lights on..lights off...lots of foreplay.

She'll get there.

Last edited by POV3486; 01-19-2017 at 08:10 PM.
POV3486 is offline  
post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 05:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 909
Re: Feeling sexually desired

Correction, she might get there. Other than that, good post
anonmd is offline  
post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 01:43 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 5
Re: Feeling sexually desired

True. Hope it works out for you!
POV3486 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Feeling alone and looking for support, guidance, advice Shocked Sig Other General Relationship Discussion 2 12-07-2016 12:04 PM
How to deal with this feeling? softwareseller03 General Relationship Discussion 2 12-04-2016 05:30 PM
Sexually Frustration and Virgin Awaiting nataly87 Sex in Marriage 72 05-23-2016 10:43 PM
husband no longer finds me sexually attractive,, can this be saved? LAlove Sex in Marriage 16 04-18-2016 11:31 AM
Just Feeling Gutted oneMOreguy Coping with Infidelity 80 12-16-2015 12:05 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome