Men and sex - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:49 PM
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Re: Men and sex

I think "acceptance" is one important component of love. Maybe people who have been love starved are happy to receive any of the components of love even if they can't have all of it.




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Could this be WHY a man/woman will have sex with the first person who offers it (after being divorced/broke up with a partner), after having been denied sex by their spouse for so long?? Is it that they're seeking acceptance rather than "love"?
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post #32 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Men and sex

I think most men are like this. I know I am very much like your husband and need sex to feel connected to my SO and the relationship as a whole. Certainly some exceptions to the rule. I do know 2 guys who admit they have little to no sexual interest in their wives
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post #33 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:02 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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I think most men are like this. I know I am very much like your husband and need sex to feel connected to my SO and the relationship as a whole.
I agree 100%
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post #34 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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Originally Posted by Vega View Post
*WARNING! Possible "lightbulb-over-the-head" moment for Vega*

Could this be WHY a man/woman will have sex with the first person who offers it (after being divorced/broke up with a partner), after having been denied sex by their spouse for so long?? Is it that they're seeking acceptance rather than "love"?
Yes not just because it was denied but also betrayal. When I caught my x cheating I waited till after the divorce then had multiple partners in a very short time frame. I was trying to feel connected to anyone and not alone. Ultimately this didn't work well for me
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post #35 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:07 PM
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Re: Men and sex

Sex is one way to show the guy that he is still desired by his partner. It's quite important to feel that the sexual energy is still directed at the partner.
But it's not just sex. I used to get somewhat uncomfortable when I felt I was only viewed as a provider and father, rather than husband. I wasn't sure whether I was "supposed" to feel that way (in fear of crossing the line into being needy). But sex certainly helped and is a good "shot in the dark" tool, if it's not clear what's happening Perhaps some might argue that conversation is better. And generally: attention, conversations, spending time together, it all adds up together to make the man feel he's not a nuisance or just a necessity.

Cheating was mentioned: what did he do exactly? I couldn't find more info.
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post #36 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:12 PM
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Re: Men and sex

Betcha there are a lot of divorced women out there who thought sex wasn't that important. (And men not to be one sided)
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post #37 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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Yes not just because it was denied but also betrayal. When I caught my x cheating I waited till after the divorce then had multiple partners in a very short time frame. I was trying to feel connected to anyone and not alone. Ultimately this didn't work well for me
Probably didn't work out well for your "multiple partners" either. If *I* was one of those partners, I would have felt terribly lonely, once I realized that I was having sex with someone without him having an emotional connection with me.

Hence, it's the reason WHY I want the emotional connection first before having sex with them.

Unfortunately, emotional connections can be "faked" just as easily as sexual ones...
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post #38 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:26 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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Probably didn't work out well for your "multiple partners" either. If *I* was one of those partners, I would have felt terribly lonely, once I realized that I was having sex with someone without him having an emotional connection with me.

Hence, it's the reason WHY I want the emotional connection first before having sex with them.

Unfortunately, emotional connections can be "faked" just as easily as sexual ones...
They were doing the same thing as me. Was no victim there
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post #39 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:30 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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Do all men need sex/physical touch to feel loved?
My husband says that he NEEDS sex to feel loved, to feel that I am fully committed to him and our marriage. (Which makes no sense after 10 years or marriage and 3 kids!!) I've always been given the impression that it is something with men that they need that physical love. Is it sex, snuggling, hand holding, etc?
I'm just trying to get an idea of what the male perspective is on this because it has been the topic of fighting with my husband lately.
Any comments or experiences are appreciated. Thanks!!
I'm a male and for me, sex, snuggling, and hand holding are all important. Agreeing to do those things is also not enough, but to be completely happy, my partner would also have a desire for those physical displays of affection.

Remember that simply being married for ten years does not mean that you love your husband.
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post #40 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:34 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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Remember that simply being married for ten years does not mean that you love your husband.
And, having sex with your spouse for 10 years doesn't mean you love your spouse either, or that your spouse loves you...

Last edited by Vega; 01-10-2017 at 05:39 PM.
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post #41 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: Men and sex

There's a lot of computer screens and kleenex out there getting a whole lotta "love" and "deeper connection".
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post #42 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:47 PM
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Re: Men and sex

I think that for many people it is necessary but not sufficient.

I can't be really happy without a sex life, but good sex by itself is not enough to make me happy.

I think of it as link in the chain along with: respect, caring, support, common interests, etc.

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And, having sex with your spouse for 10 years doesn't mean you love your spouse either, or that your spouse loves you...
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post #43 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:50 PM
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Re: Men and sex

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And, having sex with your spouse for 10 years doesn't mean you love your spouse either, or that your spouse loves you...
That's true too!
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post #44 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 06:47 AM
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Re: Men and sex

The question isn't whether this guy's 'need' is justified or not.

The issue is that he's like a damned randy dog in heat, constantly humping the OP's leg from the minute he gets up until the minute he falls asleep. I wouldn't give a sh*t WHAT his lame "love language" is ... no one wants to be MAULED every waking moment of their lives no matter who they are.

And these ridiculous lectures about giving this miscreant what he wants or he'll go elsewhere is another bunch of manure. He's obviously over-sexed because he's a serial cheater on TOP of his constant mauling. It's like he has to continually be having sex or he's unhappy. Who the HELL needs that?

This goes WAY beyond some 'love language' - unless there's a 6th love language known as "constantly needs to get laid 24/7."

OP, in one of your past posts you mention you don't want your kids to come from a divorced/broken home so you've stayed with this serial cheating horn-dog. Stop being a martyr already and boot this mouth-breather to the curb where he belongs..
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post #45 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: Men and sex

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Betcha there are a lot of divorced women out there who thought sex wasn't that important. (And men not to be one sided)
Yes there are a lot, a huge number of men out there that did not comprehend just how important sex is to a marriage!
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