The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives? - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: For mismatched/unbalanced drives, are quickies helpful or hurtful?
mostly helpful and recommended 8 30.77%
sometimes helpful 12 46.15%
neutral 6 23.08%
sometimes hurtful 0 0%
mostly hurtful and not recomended 0 0%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

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post #1 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:46 AM Thread Starter
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The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

One of the things that virtually never occurs in my marriage are quickies. I'll admit that I likely have too many personality traits of wanting to feel emotionally connected to my wife and insure that she is emotionally connected to me in order for physical intimacy to proceed. Otherwise I feel guilty and she complains of feeling "used."

However my wife recently mentioned the idea of us trying to do the occasional quickie as a way to help balance out our drives for one another. She went into detail describing how she would need for it to happen, which essentially would be for the purpose of knowing that she can easily please me, and relieve any building performance anxiety she gets from feeling pressured knowing that I am wanting/waiting to be with her. She says that it would be important for quickies to be seldom as she admits she NEEDS an emotional connection with me and for things to be relaxed and mutually enjoyable most of the time.

While I am hesitant to partake in such an offer, I do see some potential that it could relieve some of her anxieties and improve our overall marriage. She does need to feel me satisfied and content sometimes as opposed to me always having a building desire in the background.

So for those couples out there that have experience with quickies, would you mind sharing how they are both beneficial and/or detrimental to a marriage? I feel like I could do quickies and enjoy them, but I know they also seem like a double edged sword that likely require a great deal of respect for it to be beneficial to a marriage.

Thanks for your feedback! I'll also add a poll as I've seen many different opinions on this topic.

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post #2 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

My W and I do quickies. Usually in the morning and simply manual manipulation. My W likes kissing to get her going so some morning it is teeth brushing for a 15 minute quickie. Sometimes my W will take care of my business unannounced. It is a quick one in the morning. Imagine if you would watching your favorite show in the morning and your W rubbing your business to completion. Oh yes, and cup of coffee beside. Life is good! I reciprocate if the W is so inclined for a quickie. She however has tea.

Quickies...always say yes ma'am!

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post #3 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:58 AM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

Our drives are pretty equal, and we have quickies often!
Early in the morning during the week, and if one of us has an urge, we do something!
Might be just something for me, like a HJ, and a quick buzzzzzz for her, but often a quick 'man on top get it done' thing.

What it usually does, is get us thinking about it the rest of the day, and then that evening, we get 'more serious'!

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post #4 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:59 AM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

I'm not sure how it would go in your marriage because of the built in mismatch, but hopefully it can be something you two can work out.

For me, in a good sexual relationship, quickies occur regularly, but less often than non-quickies. In my current relationship when we can sometimes have sex over 10 times in a week, probably 4 of those would be quickies. In a relationship where I could only have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a week, I would be unlikely to want any of those times to be a quickie, unless it would be by adding a 3rd or 4th time.

Some quickies aren't so quick. Some even turn into long love making sessions because the passion is so high we can't stop, even if we originally intended to. Other quickies are truly 5 minutes or less. Usually a super quick one like that just leaves us horny for more, so we end up having longer sex shortly after like later in the evening or the next morning.

I really like giving a great HJ, so that's one of the ways I love having a quickie...just giving him a HJ and this makes him so horny that later he rocks my world.

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post #5 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

How do you define a quickie?

Some people think anything less than 30 minutes is a quickie. Others think 2 minutes is a quickie. Step 1, make sure you and your wife are on the same page with the definition.

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post #6 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:04 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Some quickies aren't so quick. Some even turn into long love making sessions because the passion is so high we can't stop, even if we originally intended to.
That's a fact!
We decided to have a quickie one Saturday before we headed out to have lunch.
Ended up having dinner when we were done!!
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post #7 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

I can't answer because I think the question misses the biggest problem. If you have a LD/HD marraige, often the LD person as absolutely no interest in "quickies". It is sort of fundamental to a mismatch in drives that the LD person wants less sex, quickies included.

So as the HD, I'd be happy if my wife wanted quickies - not nearly as good as a full lovemaking session but much better than nothing. But she has absolutely no interest in doing that.
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post #8 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
How do you define a quickie?

Some people think anything less than 30 minutes is a quickie. Others think 2 minutes is a quickie. Step 1, make sure you and your wife are on the same page with the definition.

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She mentioned 10 minutes.
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post #9 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

We know a couple, that he is HD and she is LD.
She told my wife, that she basically 'beats him off' all the time, to shut him up, and to get him to leave her alone.
Seems like a real bum deal, if it was me, but they have been married for over 30 years, so it must work. Guess he'll take what he can get.

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post #10 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
I can't answer because I think the question misses the biggest problem. If you have a LD/HD marraige, often the LD person as absolutely no interest in "quickies". It is sort of fundamental to a mismatch in drives that the LD person wants less sex, quickies included.

So as the HD, I'd be happy if my wife wanted quickies - not nearly as good as a full lovemaking session but much better than nothing. But she has absolutely no interest in doing that.
But a HD/LD match is ok if the LD partner understand the HD half of the marriage enjoys a quickie to satiate the need.

As I had written in my post my W understands I like a quickie hj and my W will do that for me with no strings attached. In fact, she enjoys it. After my quickie we start our day. As a result, when it comes to her good time I assure she has one hell of a good time.

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post #11 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
For me, in a good sexual relationship, quickies occur regularly, but less often than non-quickies. In my current relationship when we can sometimes have sex over 10 times in a week, probably 4 of those would be quickies. In a relationship where I could only have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a week, I would be unlikely to want any of those times to be a quickie, unless it would be by adding a 3rd or 4th time.
We have discussed frequency and she admits to pushing herself for me to be more active, and I admit to reserving myself to be less active so that we can hopefully find a nice compromise.

Like you, I would be hesitant that she may be more likely to replace one opportunity for serious intimacy in favor of something quick. But when discussing this topic she did hint that our sex life could be much better and more frequent if we could work out for this to happen.

Nonetheless she has her limitations and as you stated that quickies should occur less often than non quickies. So I think this is something she envisions as being in addition to our established routines, but that I can't expect for the quickie to also turn into a moment that is long and elaborate.

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post #12 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

It depends on the level of the mismatch an whether the LD recognizes / understands the HD's desires / needs.

In my case my wife doesn't believe my desires for sex are reasonable, so she sees no reason to provide a quickie. It sounds like other people (men and women) here are in a similar situation.

If its a mild mismatch and the LD is willing to help, then I think quickies can be great.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
But a HD/LD match is ok if the LD partner understand the HD half of the marriage enjoys a quickie to satiate the need.

As I had written in my post my W understands I like a quickie hj and my W will do that for me with no strings attached. In fact, she enjoys it. After my quickie we start our day. As a result, when it comes to her good time I assure she has one hell of a good time.
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post #13 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:17 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

I have come to detest quickies. My wife has very little interest in anything other than straight up PiV. She hates foreplay for either of us. Just jump on and jump off.

They have their place in a relationship, certainly. But a steady diet of it is just awful.

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post #14 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:23 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

Sex with someone who's goal is to "get it finished" is no fun at all, and I've decided really not worth it.

Quickies can be fun if they are mixed with real love making and are viewed as quick additional fun, not an efficient way to do a chore.





Quote:
Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
I have come to detest quickies. My wife has very little interest in anything other than straight up PiV. She hates foreplay for either of us. Just jump on and jump off.

They have their place in a relationship, certainly. But a steady diet of it is just awful.
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post #15 of 82 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:26 PM
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Re: The dynamics of quickies for marriages with mismatched drives?

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She mentioned 10 minutes.
This is why I asked. 10 -15 minutes of actual physical contact is pretty normal for us but we're compatible that way.

From experience, you can do alot in 10 minutes. Just saying.

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