That is very interesting, and again shows variations in how people think about sex.
To me there is a continuum from hand holding to kissing to passionate kissing / petting to erotic touches, to sex to orgasm. There is no clear dividing line, but once people start to get aroused, I can't imagine any reason not to continue to an O for both.
For my wife there is a sharp divider at any genital contact. Pretty much anything less, she enjoys, wants to do, but usually doesn't find sexually arousing. She very rarely wants "sex" by which she means any genital contact, but she finds that arousing and almost always has an O.
Vega, so I can understand, when you talk about "activities" without an O, do you also draw a line at genital contact, or is even that OK but you don't want an O? do you find passionate kissing, cuddling naked etc to be sexually arousing, or is it nice in a different non-sexual way?
Your comment that 2-3 times / week is "low key" shows just how wide a range there is. I think my wife and I have engaged in sexual activity 3 times one week, less than 4 weeks out of 30 years (and I'm including our honeymoon and anniversary trips). When we have these HD/LD discussions, people need to mention actual frequencies more.
At least in my case "taking the orgasm out of the equation" doesn't change things- its almost always out of the equation anyway.
I'm viewing sex as anything to get you to the point of orgasm with a partner. Intercourse, Handjobs, b.j.s, cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, etc. Mostly intercourse (PIV).
It's not that the partner has a limited set of sexual activities; it's that the activities seem to ALWAYS include a predictable pattern that includes SOME kind of stimulation to orgasm, mostly through PIV. A couple could swing naked on a chandelier, lick every inch of his or her partner's body, take a long sensuous bath together...and it's usually going to end with SOMEONE having an orgasm USUALLY through PIV.
Ellis wrote that he couldn't see intimate kissing/lying naked next to someone in bed and NOT be aroused enough to want to have sex with that person. *MY* thinking is, why NOT?! Why can't we simply take the orgasm out of the equation for a change?
I'm willing to bet that if more HD's did that, the LD would see the HD in a completely different light.
BTW, while you probably know by now that I'm not fond of 'routines', I don't see "frequent" as 2-3 times a week. I see that frequency as pretty "low key".