Re: Different sex drives
I'm really tired of the garbage self-help advice. When someone begins with a mention of communication, chances are they are parroting something from a self-help book. I'll give you an example. One of the books I've seen quoted frequently is the 5 Love Languages. This book is mostly empty of value and includes such non-wisdom as:
Once the experience of falling in love has run its natural course (remember, the average in-love experience lasts two years), we will return to the world of reality and begin to assert ourselves.
So, we can't tell reality from fantasy for two years when we fall in love? Seriously? There must be more of this wisdom around here somewhere. Oh, yes:
My sex therapist said every couple should work towards having sex AT LEAST once a week in order to maintain a happy marriage.
This is nonsense. Another comment was:
While I don't want to have hard limits on "normal", I see roughly a weekly to a several times a week as pretty typical, and its often not reasonable to push for substantially more or less than that. (everything else being OK).
This is closer in terms of averages. About 2/3rds of couples fit into the range from sex once every two weeks to twice a week. Guess what? There is a similar ranges for almost everything including height, weight, shoe size, etc. But, these are meaningless to any given couple just like average shoe size for men means nothing to me when I have to buy a pair. There is no average, no rule of thumb, and no push button answer.
Your comment that 2-3 times / week is "low key" shows just how wide a range there is. I think my wife and I have engaged in sexual activity 3 times one week, less than 4 weeks out of 30 years (and I'm including our honeymoon and anniversary trips). When we have these HD/LD discussions, people need to mention actual frequencies more.
These are all normal amounts of sex. But, since we are being honest, the most I've ever had sex in one day is seven times. I could have had more if my late wife had been willing. Oh, I guess someone is going to ask, yes, I reached orgasm all seven times. That amount is normal too. No, I could not have that much sex everyday.
Ultimately it takes patience, communication, and self development for BOTH people in the relationship. The best place to start is to help teach your partner positive ways to turn down opportunities for intimacy when there is too much anxiety.
The key is for both people to communicate and hopefully find some middle ground (easier said than done, something I can vouch for).
There's the communication word arriving on schedule. Unless one of you speaks Chinese and the other speaks English you don't have a communication problem.
"But, we don't talk..."
Actually, you probably do talk, probably everyday, many times. I think what you mean is that you aren't being honest about your problems.