Sometimes, maybe often it doesn't work.
Sometimes in a high desire / low desire relationship, the LD person is LD for some reason. There may be other relationship problems. The HD person may be a selfish or unskilled lover, or have become physically unfit or disgusting in some way. If it is something the HD person can change, then that can lead to things getting better.
Very often though there is nothing "wrong" with the HD person, the LD person simply doesn't want sex - they are naturally LD. Then success depends on the attitude of the lower desire person. If the LD doesn't want a lot of sex but understands that their partners do, and are willing to put in some effort, then things can work. They have to be able to engage in sex as a "gift" for their partner, not as a resented "chore".
OTOH if the LD partner rejects the idea that the HDs desire for sex is valid, then nothing will fix it. That leaves the couple miserable, the LD person feeling constantly pressured and feeling unvalued, and the HD person feeling frustrated and resentful. You get the typical:
LD: "Is sex all that matters to you?"
HD: "Why can't you do the one thing I need".
Relationships like this can continue in quiet misery indefinitely.
Having lived as the HD in a HD/LD relationship for 30 years that can't be fixed, my suggestions are:
Remember that you can leave, cheat, or live like a nun. Its a bad choice, but its a choice. Make it and stick with it.
If you decide not to leave or cheat then:
Then avoid discussions about sex, including avoiding places like TAM. The last thing you want to hear is lots of talk by men who would do absolutely anything anytime for their wives in bed, but are constantly turned down. It will just make you more frustrated.
Sleep in separate rooms. No need to be forced to lie next to the object of your desire and feel constantly rejected.
Get yourself a vibrator and a porn habit. I object to porn when it interferes with a couple's sex life, but if there is no sex life to interfere with, then why not.
Originally Posted by adrienne.degrace View Post
How do couples with different sex drives make it work? I'm jealous of the women whose husband's don't leave them alone.
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