Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
There are probably a lot of reasons we don't play around more. Some more practical than others. He works a lot. His sex drive is not the same as mine . Psychologically I don't feel okay with my body, so much so that my anxiousness has prevented climax before So why would I want him playing around exactly?
I already know his body very very well and the lack of reciprocal knowledge and action is another sad thing to think about. I already ask so much of him, this really does just feel like one more thing to add to the list (but that would be a whole other post). I feel like I'm very much on my own with this.
Thank you for your help and care
If I may bring another male perspective to the table. If your husband is like me then your pleasure is his pleasure. Over the years I have encouraged my wife to tell me what she enjoys so I know how to please her. Men are not mind readers although most of us wish we were. If you can verbalize what feels good he will probably be grateful. I know I used to get frustrated at the hit and miss method. Knowing what works for my wife is very much a relief.
If I may bring another male perspective to the table. If your husband is like me then your pleasure is his pleasure. Over the years I have encouraged my wife to tell me what she enjoys so I know how to please her. Men are not mind readers although most of us wish we were. If you can verbalize what feels good he will probably be grateful. I know I used to get frustrated at the hit and miss method. Knowing what works for my wife is very much a relief.
This I hope does not sound whiny or cranky (oh the internet and your lack of tone) but if I go with the assumption that my pleasure is his pleasure, then... why doesn't he try harder (or maybe just more?)? We've had a few awesome encounters the past month or so, but in spite of (what I believe of course) clearly expressing my enjoyment of the changes/variety... nothin'. I feel like I am so missing something right now.
If you don't feel comfortable going into an adult store, you can purchase one of those small body massager things from any Walmart, K-Mart, etc. I got one years ago, and it's still my fav. It has little attachments you can switch out on the end but I just use the ball looking one to focus on my clit. It's a plug in too, so I don't have to worry about batteries, just a wall outlet close by. We also use it during intercourse sometimes to focus on my clit while he's inside of me. My favorite way right now Good luck to you!
Sometimes I like to use my neck massager on low speed.
Most times, I just rub my fingers in a circle on my clitoris.
I've never been one to self-explore either, but I definitely O with my H almost every time. What broke me of the it's okay to touch myself was when he was deployed all the dang time. Start slow and don't expect to get yourself there the first time. Take some wine, sexy music and a small waterproof vibe into the bath and run yourself a nice warm bubble bath, sit back, relax and start slowly. If you don't have a waterproof one, just use your fingers. The bubble bath will help you with self-image issues because it will hide parts of your body and maybe let you focus more on the goal. I hope that you can learn to accept your body, obviously your hubby still finds you sexy or you wouldn't know his body so well. Posted via Mobile Device
This I hope does not sound whiny or cranky (oh the internet and your lack of tone) but if I go with the assumption that my pleasure is his pleasure, then... why doesn't he try harder (or maybe just more?)? We've had a few awesome encounters the past month or so, but in spite of (what I believe of course) clearly expressing my enjoyment of the changes/variety... nothin'. I feel like I am so missing something right now.
This is a question you should ask him. Couples don't often communicate very well when it comes to sex. They just assume that their partner should "know" things. In our case my wife didn't say anything because she was afraid she would seem critical and I would be insulted. While I just assumed she was fine with what I was doing. It was only when we started really talking that we realized we really didn't know that much about each other when it came to sexual fulfillment. Since then we have experimented with many things in the bedroom. Some work, some don't. But the fact that we are always talking to each other and share in the experiences makes it all good in the end.
First you are very cool to want to do this for you/H. For whatever it is worth you are not alone...It is also great you seem enthusiastic. H is lucky.
I like the idea of the bath with wine as they both will relax you.
While i think vibrators are great they don't teach you some of the nuances to what is really pushing your buttons. It is like handing a kid a calculator, yes they can add but, they will not learn...(perhaps bad analogy. There is much to read,see on the internet.
One think i found helpful was to google anatomy of clitorus. I was surprised to find that much of it is located under the part that sticks out (i think they call it the "hood" or whatever. Like an iceberg much of it lies beneath. This has been useful to help me/my wife to stimulate her manually. Massaging the whole area against the pelvic bone can be quite stimulating. Again, try a bunch of thing and see what you respond well to. I would let H know you are not ready to do this with him just yet to take some of the pressure off of you. Again this will serve to have you relaxed. I would think there would be a whole lot of material online IE videos that could demonstrate what other women do as well.
Now that sounds like the really hard part- give myself permission to do it. I'd have to get through the massive amount of shame and humiliation I feel about not knowing my own body (especially when I know my husbands so well).
Are there tons of good sites? I'm not sure how to find *useful* information on it- as they say in Avenue Q, the internet is for porn- everything is just stuff for the times in between! I'd really love a good video series, one that's maybe not too dated? I'm not embarrassed by sexual things, just me and my own body. It's such a bizarre juxtaposition. I can please my husband in bed, I write good smut, but... I can't do anything with my own body
I've never been one to self-explore either, but I definitely O with my H almost every time. What broke me of the it's okay to touch myself was when he was deployed all the dang time. Start slow and don't expect to get yourself there the first time. Take some wine, sexy music and a small waterproof vibe into the bath and run yourself a nice warm bubble bath, sit back, relax and start slowly. If you don't have a waterproof one, just use your fingers. The bubble bath will help you with self-image issues because it will hide parts of your body and maybe let you focus more on the goal. I hope that you can learn to accept your body, obviously your hubby still finds you sexy or you wouldn't know his body so well. Posted via Mobile Device
Thank you for making me smile I like the bath idea, and, lol, Lord Fairfax (we women tend to name EVERYTHING right?) is waterproof. The bubbles and the music and the wine- everything is such a good idea! Much better than flopping down into bed with my MacBook, Lord Fairfax, and a handful of helpful sites :P Though, I always do my research first ^_^ And thank you for considering how I feel about my body too, I like to think I must still be a little bit sexy to him somehow?
This is a question you should ask him. Couples don't often communicate very well when it comes to sex. They just assume that their partner should "know" things. In our case my wife didn't say anything because she was afraid she would seem critical and I would be insulted. While I just assumed she was fine with what I was doing. It was only when we started really talking that we realized we really didn't know that much about each other when it came to sexual fulfillment. Since then we have experimented with many things in the bedroom. Some work, some don't. But the fact that we are always talking to each other and share in the experiences makes it all good in the end.
Communicating is always the hard part of every relationship, I agree and know this. But there's so much going on with us right now, and one of us is bound to get upset if we bring up any sore spots right now. It's hard to give him feedback because a.) he insists I'm amazing and there's nothing more he could imagine wanting from me and b.) he's rather sensitive about his performance, and I can't even imagine how to tell him there are things I'd like to try without him becoming defensive or upset
First you are very cool to want to do this for you/H. For whatever it is worth you are not alone...It is also great you seem enthusiastic. H is lucky.
I like the idea of the bath with wine as they both will relax you.
While i think vibrators are great they don't teach you some of the nuances to what is really pushing your buttons. It is like handing a kid a calculator, yes they can add but, they will not learn...(perhaps bad analogy. There is much to read,see on the internet.
One think i found helpful was to google anatomy of clitorus. I was surprised to find that much of it is located under the part that sticks out (i think they call it the "hood" or whatever. Like an iceberg much of it lies beneath. This has been useful to help me/my wife to stimulate her manually. Massaging the whole area against the pelvic bone can be quite stimulating. Again, try a bunch of thing and see what you respond well to. I would let H know you are not ready to do this with him just yet to take some of the pressure off of you. Again this will serve to have you relaxed. I would think there would be a whole lot of material online IE videos that could demonstrate what other women do as well.
Good luck but, more important have fun
Thank you! I'm a mix of very nervous and very adamant about correcting this. I am very excited to try the bath idea!
I am glad to hear what you said about vibrators, it's rather how I feel about it. I will take Lord Fairfax to the bath with me, but only because I hope he'll help me learn faster where and what feels good. And while I know this is learning how to properly please myself, I do consider what it will be like to do it for my husband, and I'd like to not bring in back up support, lol.
The hubby doesn't actually know about all this (yet?). He's mentioned a few times over the past several months, and it just kind of hit me the other day and I freaked out about it. And well, here I am Thank you for sharing what works for your wife- I have so much to learn!! ^_^
Thank you for the site!!! I may just sneak off and study a bit tonight while the husband is gaming
And thank you *all* for the kinds, supportive, and wonderful things you've said and shared with me. I feel so incredibly lucky to have found such a great community!
I like to watch my wife masturbate, but she doesn't climax. Why should that be a problem? When we do it she masturbates until I am really turned on and then we go for it. Just chill, the journey is more important than the destination.
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Re: Help? Female Masturbation 
So why would I want him playing around exactly?
Thank you! I'm a mix of very nervous and very adamant about correcting this. I am very excited to try the bath idea! 
