Spiritualconnection, how does she respond to you when you just hug her or kiss her spontaneously through the day?
What is her response when you try to initiate sex, flirt with her, or express your interest in having sex?
Does she reject you, or does she avoid you? And I have to ask, do you still try? (It's easy enough to get to a point where you've just given up.)
Two things that could help. One, talk to her about it. Try to have a constructive non-accusatory discussion and let her know you'd like to try to "bring the spark back" into your relationship. Tell her you're constantly attracted to her and want to be with her.
Ask her to provide a solution. See if she wants scheduled sex days in the week, for example. That works for some people. Or get her to commit to a frequency. Invite her to provide the solution that way you'll get a clearer indication as to what she wants or is missing. If you provide the solution and she doesn't like it, she may not tell you and it'll frustrate you more when it doesn't work.
I got the response "not every day" and we settled on somewhere around twice a week. Periods, bad backs, and sickness crop up and interrupt that frequency at times, but during otherwise healthy happy times it's 2-3 times a week now and my wife initiates where she didn't. As it turns out, the more often we have sex, the more she remembers how much she likes it and seeks it. We've hit a bit of a routine of roughly certain days or situations which is nice because were on the same page now. The more frequently we have sex, the more our affection comes out to one another and it's a positive feedback loop.
It didn't happen overnight. It took a few discussions and fights to get where we are now. As it turns out, most of it was just lack of communication along with a reduction in her sexual urges.
You need to kiss her, hold her, hug her, and rub her back regularly (a few times a day) along with subtle casual compliments about how pretty she is, how you love her, or something else that you appreciate about her. If she gets this kind of non-sexual affection, she's going to not treat ever sexual advance as "he only pays attention to me when he want sex."
But you do need to talk. Trust me. Nothing is going to change until she knows how you feel and how she feels.
Remember to ask her to come up with a solution and work with that.
She's either going to tell you she's not interested, let you know what's wrong, or start having more sex with you.
I'll throw this out as a curve ball. My wife was found to be low in vitamin D3 and B-12. I started having her take significant amounts of both and it seems to have brought her sex drive back (not to like 20's age levels, but back from basically 0.) I can tell you what to have her try taking if you want to give it a shot. These vitamins are actually hormones and low levels can really affect sex drive. But it's not a silver bullet. Communication is really the first thing.