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How "biological" and/or "natural" is sex?

5K views 69 replies 20 participants last post by  Olorin 
#1 ·
We talk about sex and that it's a "biological need" and/or how it's "natural".

Yet, so many things about it seem to have nothing to do with biology, but psychology, AND, that the "nature" about it varies not only from person to person, but from moment to moment.

Is it possible that we think about sex in 'wrong' terms?

It's as if we want to fit sex into a "constant". But so much of life isn't "constant".

Why is sex any different?

Since when is "nature" "constant"?
 
#2 ·
I would argue about it being a need.

An urge, certainly and a drive as well but you can, and many people apparently do, live without it.

I believe sex is like a body.

You can develop it, train it, discipline it or waste it, let it atrophy, not work it or let it get unhealthy or out of shape.

I believe psychology is absolutely directly linked to sex.

I believe in any healthy human, a solid sex drive, an urge exists to copulate.
 
#6 ·
I'm not sure if "sex" is the urge or if orgasm is the urge. After all, we can have orgasms without sex and sex without orgasms.

But I don't believe for a moment that whatever we feel physically, means that we "biologically" "need" sex. That is, biologically "needing" one person to fulfill us sexually. WANTING, maybe...but "needing"?....
 
#3 ·
Yes........Any specific examples?
Some of it is biology, some of it is psychology. And it does vary from couple to couple. A lot, it seems.
Who said nature is "constant"?
Are you thinking about the cosmological constant?
"the value of the energy density of the vacuum of space."
I can see how it could be transferred to sex :)


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#7 ·
It doesn't just vary from couple to couple. It varies from person to person AND, from the same person, from day to day, if not moment to moment.

As for "who said it is 'constant'", hearing both some men and women say that they "need" it "X" amount of times per week/month tells me that there's SOME consistency that they want it/"need" it
 
#4 ·
We exist to sexually reproduce, so sex is definitely a natural biological urge for the vast majority of the human population. Since we take so long to mature and leave the the care of our parents, sex also serves to create pair bonds (the psychological component) so that the offspring will have the best chance at survival. We're wired to seek out sexual partners and bond with them via sexual activity.

Nothing is constant. Everything changes.
 
#5 ·
In my opinion humans overrate sex so much that it unnaturally becomes a psychological issue rather than a natural one. Because our brains are so complex, we struggle to make any sense of urges within us that are instinctual and driven by hormones.

An example would be two great friends that decide to get married but that have never had any physical attraction to one another. They simply believe that they will be able to work through that and overcome it. The reason for that is that we definitely do NOT want to spend much time thinking that our bodies are in control of our minds just as much if not more than we are.
@Vega I would describe sex as a never ending struggle between biology and psychology. The result of that struggle is something that more often than not becomes very unnatural. Some people live in harmony with themselves while others try to control it and live dissonantly.

Historically society viewed sex as something that should be muted. Today we try to amplify it. We are never good at moderation as a society, as we go from one extreme to the other.

Badsanta
 
#9 ·
In my opinion humans overrate sex so much that it unnaturally becomes a psychological issue rather than a natural one. Because our brains are so complex, we struggle to make any sense of urges within us that are instinctual and driven by hormones.
Partially agree. Partially don't.

I agree that as humans, we DO overrate sex, and that the overrating is psychological and not biological.

We may have the physical(thereby) 'urge' to have an orgasm, but I think that HOW we have an orgasm--either through sex or masturbation is psychological.

Having sex is a choice. There is no "beeper" on a man's penis or a woman's vagina that says, "Must-have-more-stimulation-to-orgasm-with-the-aid-of-another-person-or-else-..." Our body parts won't fall off or wither into nothing if we don't use them.

Having said that, I believe that many of us have heard that sex is SO important, that we will even try to FORCE ourselves to have sex, even though our bodies "naturally" tell use NOT to...

An example would be two great friends that decide to get married but that have never had any physical attraction to one another. They simply believe that they will be able to work through that and overcome it. The reason for that is that we definitely do NOT want to spend much time thinking that our bodies are in control of our minds just as much if not more than we are.
We do the same thing whether we're sexually attracted to someone or not. We don't THINK about WHAT we think about, nor do we spent any amount of quality time on whether or not our beliefs are actually TRUTHS. We just 'assume' they are....which is a BAD thing...

@Vega I would describe sex as a never ending struggle between biology and psychology.

Absolutely agree with this! But it doesn't end there. It's a struggle between right and wrong...good an bad...good 'angel' and 'bad angel' on our shoulder at all times. Would it SHOCK you to learn that sex isn't supposed to be done 'x' amount of times a week?

The result of that struggle is something that more often than not becomes very unnatural. Some people live in harmony with themselves while others try to control it and live dissonantly.

Yes, I think a lot of people try to 'force' the issue. But in all honest Badsanta, are we having sex the "right" way?

There are so many complaints about how MOST women (statistically) do not orgasm through PIV alone. I know that my own late husband said that women have a "design flaw" that causes women NOT to orgasm during PIV.

But isn't it possible that we're (men and women) not having sex...."right"?
 
#12 ·
I'm going to say that sex is a need. Without this biological imperative, the species would die out. So, there is want and desire - driven by need. It's a matter of interpretation of how much sex is necessary - obviously, that varies tremendously from person to person. If you have reproduced and have surviving children, perhaps it's not "necessary," but how many children are enough to be successful at passing along your genes. The body does not know - only the mind can make decisions about this, and then you're in the realm of psychology and philosophy.

As for orgasm - that's the motivation for sex. Without it, or strong instincts to mate that would replace it, then the species is at risk. Orgasm isn't a need - but it is the consequence of the need to reproduce.
 
#13 ·
I think that sex is needed by the species. However, it is wanted (or not wanted) by each individual. If it were a biological need by the individual, there shouldn't be so many people out there who can go for years without it. The "need" for sex should over-ride the desire to remain faithful in an HD/LD relationship.

I've been celibate by choice since my husband walked out over 13 years ago now. Do I miss sex? Sure. Would I like to be having sex? Sure. Do I NEED sex? No, I don't, not enough to violate my still intact marriage vows.
 
#14 ·
I don't think humans "over rate" sex at all, we do "over complicate" it though.

Sex to me has never been about a biological drive, I never wanted kids (but have given rise to 3 of the world's best humans). I am post menopause now and having the best sex of my life so no biological urge there.

I need and want sex. Have had all sorts of encounters from ONS, FWB, casual short term men right up to being married twice. First time was 20 years with a LD man who enjoyed sex but was a bit f.ed up in the head. Second time is with a HD man that wants me on a daily basis, we are partners in and out of the bedroom. It's not complicated, sex is fun, bonding and when it is in a committed LTR can be a very powerful force driving and holding you together.
 
#15 ·
How "biological" and/or "natural" is sex?

If we're going to break it down that way, then let's assume we don't have societal or social influences either - then absolutely sex is a biological imperative. Further I believe the "urges" men have are the same as the "urges" to eat. And since the male of many species is generally about a third bigger than the female, I believe this evolution ensured that men can just take what they feel they need.

But we HAVE evolved societies and religions and constraints and conventions. I believe those all serve to suppress these biological needs and ensure that conversations like this exist to question such basic facts.

Without those restrictions we'd probably Fvck what we can get and would die or be killed before our testosterone had the time to wain.


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#16 ·
And if we're having this discussion, why is the clitoris completely out of the line of fire? What's that all about? Give females a joy button not align it for sex? Maybe males were designed to catch and fvck females, and females were designed to hide in the bushes and masturbate. ;)


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#20 ·
Well no one dies from lack of sex like we would from lack of food, water, oxygen, sleep, etc so it's not that kind of need. I don't think that sex it's self is a need but it sure seems like happy long term couples have compatible sex drives. Whether that's once a day, once a week, or once.
 
#39 ·
Needs and wants are fuzzier than people think.

In some physical sense, a person needs air, food water, shelter. But put someone in isolation in a pitch black room with those things and they will probably go insane after a while.

Is light, exercise, contact with other humans a need?

Clearly sex is "needed" to propogate the species, but most people engage in all sorts of sexual activities that are not directly intended to produce children. I think its likely that human sexual activity evolved to help pair bonding - and for many it seems to do that very well.
 
#41 ·
I think it is more like: I want us to continue to have a mutually satisfying relationship. I need this is we are to continue to have a mutually satisfying relationship. If you want us to continue to have a mutually satisfying relationship, then you too need to want me to be satisfied sexually. If you want us to continue to have a relationship but me NOT to be sexually satisfied, then we have a problem.
 
#67 ·
Sex is a biological state of being. It's a physical connectivity. It's a chemical impulse. Psychologically, it's a need and want at the same time.

Humans, by nature, need and want sex. None of us had to experience an orgasm in order to want and need sex for the first time. The drive was automatic, a part of being human.

It is healthy for humans to want and need sex, and this will happen on its own (again, naturally) when there isn't anything blocking along physical, chemical, or psychological dimensions. Examples would be pain during sex, a chemical imbalance that lowers libido, the emotional scars of previous sexual abuse, etc.

I expect sex often in my marriage, and I believe it is desired for the right reasons, such as the psychological benefits it provides of feeling accepted by one's spouse, e.g. he or she wants me, values my needs, etc. I would argue that these are absolute needs, and one's spouse should do their best to fulfill such needs. I don't believe wanting sex for self gratification is necessarily abnormal either. If someone really loves you, and I stress "really", your needs will matter to them and most times, when you're in the mood, they'll be in the mood.

I can understand the question of "are we thinking about sex in the right way" being tied to target frequencies (e.g. sex should happen 4-5 times/week). The whole notion of a target seems preconceived and unnatural, but at the same time, this is convenient given our busy lives in a modern society. To me, a target represents an ideal level of sex that satisfies periodic wants and needs, that's all.

Porn, cheating, and divorce and frequent themes in relationships were one partner's sexual needs are being dismissed. However, it seems like the OP is dealing with an addict here, and that addiction is blocking a healthy sex life.

By the way, is this scenario the basis for the initial questions? Was somewhat surprised to happen upon this. You two might consider sex therapy, and open discussions about his *skewed* expectations.
 
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