Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
In addition to all our problems and abysmal sex life (both qualitatively and quantitatively), my DH had a vasectomy almost 3 months ago and since then he says he has little to no libido and his orgasms are barely noticeable.
Part of why we got the vasectomy was because he couldn't keep it up while wearing a condom and the fear of a pregnancy was always a major turn-off for both of us.
Now we have this problem. Anyone ever hear of this happening? I've read online and hear other men that have had similar issues, but my DH has had a ton of impotence issues all along, so I wonder if this isn't also psychological.
Having read your posts, I believe most of your husband's problems are in his head.
I had similar problems a while ago due to stress, and found a good solution by accident. Basically we have sex most days, but I only cum once a month. This gets me so horny, the house would have to be on fire to put me off - even then there might be time for a quicky.
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Re: Vasectomy kills libido and orgasm
MsLady
I would tend to agree that it may by psychological. From personal experience, I had a vasectomy over ten years ago and it had no impact on my libido or orgasms. Checking things out with the urologist is a good first step. Good luck.
I had a vasectomy, and my drive was very high before. It has been two years since my vasectomy, and I will say that my drive is significantly higher now. There hasn't been any change with my semen.
MarkTwain: what about "blue balls?" I would imagine that, using your technique, a guy would get quite cranky building up all that tension with such infrequent release.
Even as a woman, I have to say that I take care of business daily (with some exceptions). .. so I'm having trouble imagining this technique not being frustrating as heck LOL.
Off to read the article ... and, btw, I very much liked your article, "Women who don't want sex"
I have heard of blue balls, but never owned a pair myself (of blue ones anyway).
A lot of men see ejaculation as the goal of sex, and can't imagine cutting down on them. I don't experience frustration as such, as long as we have sex at least once a day. If I have to go without, it is difficult - especially after 4 weeks - then it's very difficult.
Having read your other threads, I feel sorry for your husband. He has got himself into a state due to nervousness, which manifests as lack of a desire to experiment. I bet he would love to experiment if he had the confidence.
If you could allow me to suggest a few pointers, I could see you having a very good time within a few weeks. It's simply a matter of doing things in the right order, with a loving wife to guide him.
In addition to all our problems and abysmal sex life (both qualitatively and quantitatively), my DH had a vasectomy almost 3 months ago and since then he says he has little to no libido and his orgasms are barely noticeable.
Part of why we got the vasectomy was because he couldn't keep it up while wearing a condom and the fear of a pregnancy was always a major turn-off for both of us.
Now we have this problem. Anyone ever hear of this happening? I've read online and hear other men that have had similar issues, but my DH has had a ton of impotence issues all along, so I wonder if this isn't also psychological.
this so happened to me. i think it was psychological for me. i was scared that something would come apart during sex. really. i am now (6 yrs later) fully functional.
side bar to the whole thing. i will tell you now, i felt a little "forced" to get the procedure done, and i still have some ill will inside me because of that.
I was happy to do it, matter of fact the wife and I discussed it, I went for the procedure a few weeks later, badda bing badda boom....
it was like a HUGE weight was lifted off of both of us....
you see we are both "fertile souls"
the freedom to enjoy sex, when we wanted it, where we wanted it, and zero worries.....well that was just the most awesome thing to us.
my wife did the pill for 8 years, after that I did condoms for 9...so...the vesectomy was the was to go...it was easy for me to get it done while a procedure for her could have been dangerous.
I told my wife when I was getting it done....I said, "this is awesome now I can go find me some hot 20 something year old blonde and have no worries about her saying I am her babies daddy!"...... She got a laugh and replied, "yea my boyfriends already ahd theirs done years ago, it's great! " LOL we can joke around like that
Well, last night, he asked me to give him a hand to see if things worked better with my help. They did. So I think you guys are right that it is, at least in part, psychological.
The vasectomy was his idea. He felt that I have already gone through various pregnancies and nursing and that it would only be fair for it to be his turn. I never asked nor pushed - though I was glad to not undergo yet more physical changes.
Mark_Twain, thanks for offering to help and, by all means, feel free to post any suggestions you might have. Though, to be honest, I'm not feeling very "loving" nor in the mood to be his "guide" at the moment.
Last night's experience ended up the way all of our scant sexual encounters end up ... with him having a big ol' orgasm and me left hard-up, frustrated and resentful. Blech!
GAsoccerman: that exchange between you and your lady is quite hilarious. My husband and I have joked that way a few times, but given our marital issues, it's never quite funny, since there's some underlying truth there (i.e., me possibly leaving or searching elsewhere)
I'm not feeling very "loving" nor in the mood to be his "guide" at the moment.
As far as sex goes, you either want to grab the bull by the horns so to speak, or not bother. You could be having a fantastic time, but both of you have gotten into a rut. He rubs you up the wrong way, and you have no idea how to get the best out of him.
Part of why he has had trouble is because you have been so ruthless with him. Part of why you have been that way is because he has not lived up to your expectations. But it's no use blaming one another. You either want to move on, or you don't.
I'm not going to type my heart out here unless you really want to put him through his paces.
I had a vasectomy and no loss of anything. I think your major cue is your husband had problems pre vasectomy.
I can tell you semen retention is magical. Even if you dont practise it like Mark outlines wasting semen is depleting on the body. By being judicial with your "juice" you will be healthier both in mind and body.
Vasectomy kills libido and orgasm 
