Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
I want you to read the above, but from the perspective of a man. Then think about what you communicated above. If your date or any future date ever gets a hint of what you said (and your body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. probably will convey the message) they won't want to date you.
First, each and every human being responds to foreplay and sexual stimulation differently. Your saying you aren't going to bother to teach him is basically saying. Hey I am available for an adult version of 20-questions, but you had better guess right on all of the questions or I am kicking you out of the bed.
Third, your first sexual experience with him "...was just terrible...." I'll bet when he left he knew how you felt. Do you remember when you lost your virginity? Was it a great "the earth moved and I was in bliss moment?" For most of us it was so, so at best. The reason is that sex like anything requires a degree of practice and familiarity with your partner. You wouldn't expect to play great doubles tennis with someone you had just met and got on the court together for the first time would you?
As to the first bolded part....who cares? If he isn't already a good sexual match for her and she doesn't want to teach him, then they should both move on. That's the POINT of dating. The point is NOT to take someone who is not right for you and try to "be patient" until they suddenly, magically change into someone who is right for you.
Having been dating myself for about a year now, and being a highly sexual person, sexual compatibility is something I discuss and try to reach common ground on before we ever even get close to having sex. In my experience, men who are as sexual as I am LOVE those conversations and we are very open and healthy about it. Also in my experience, men who get weird about it are NOT going to be a good match for me. Again, who cares? Why would anyone waste time trying to make someone who is not a match into a match? As we all know around here....IT NEVER WORKS. And they aren't supposed to "guess" the right answers to the 20 questions...they are supposed to answer authentically so that I can kick them to the curb if we aren't a match or they can kick me to the curb, if they think we aren't a good match. That's the whole point! We are eliminating non-matches as quickly as possible so as not to waste time.
As to the second bolded part....f*ck yes I'd expect to play great tennis with someone I had just met, if I was a great tennis player myself and had identified that this person might be a match to me. Of the 3 lovers I've had in my life I had wonderful compatibility with, all 3 of them rocked my world the first time and all the other times, too. That's what a highly sexual person expects and is seeking. On the other hand...the only lovers I've had mediocre sex with the first time, it was mediocre EVERY time after that, too. (None of those lasted long).
I think a lot of men simply can't handle hearing about it when women talk about how some men SUCK IN BED. They get weird about it even on an anonymous forum. I'm sorry guys but some men really are horrible lovers and it is NOT worth trying to teach them. Obviously this is true about some women, too.
admits he was a horrible lover and he flat out IGNORED his wife's input for decades. He was able to turn it around after an epiphany. However, most men who suck in bed NEVER DO have that epiphany.