I think t here are people who have all those values, but who can be completely incompatible in bed.
By bad at sex, I'm not talking about technique (which can be learned) or physical attributes (which don't matter much), I'm talking about level of desire, inventiveness, kinkiness etc.
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex to always be romantic, candles, kisses, missionary while kissing.
The is also nothing wrong with wanting whips and chains, sex toys and role-play.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a long passionate lovemaking session once a week,
There is nothing wrong with thinking that every day should end with sex, and that getting quick oral to get off when you are horny is expected.
There are some of us here who really love our spouses, and have otherwise wonderful marriages, but who have been suffering with badly mismatched sexual interests.
That's why you talk about it before you committ. That's why you spend lots of time communicating and getting to know each other. We both knew a lot about each others views and ideas on sex before we married, despite not having sex togather. We are not the 'missionary only' type people at all, we have a very varied sex life, neither are we the 'whips and chains' type people, we fall some where in the middle I guess, but you don't need to actually have sex to find out about it.
What everyone seems to also forget is that differing sex drives or desires don't ever have to be a problem, you don't have to 'feel' like having sex to have sex. If my husband wants sex and I don't, I will do it for him, and the same the other way round. Its about compromise and unselfishness. I made a promise to myself when we married 11 years ago that I would never reject him sexually, and I haven't. No two people will always be exactly the same about everything, we are all different.
What happens if you marry a man or woman who seems to have the same sort of sexual needs and desires as you, but later on has an accident or gets ill and cant have sex? What if you do? if that is all your relationship is based on then that marriage/relationship will fall apart. People also change. Some want more sex as they age and some less. You have to adapt and work together on these things and be flexible.
There are a few things that are a no no for me sexually, such as porn use, but that's why you spend lots of time discussing such things. If a man was a porn user and wasn't prepared to stop, then I would end that relationship and move on.I wouldn't need to have sex with him to know that, in fact you have more time to talk and get to know each other if you DONT have sex at the beginning. .