That's why you talk about it before you committ. That's why you spend lots of time communicating and getting to know each other. We both knew a lot about each others views and ideas on sex before we married, despite not having sex togather. We are not the 'missionary only' type people at all, we have a very varied sex life, neither are we the 'whips and chains' type people, we fall some where in the middle I guess, but you don't need to actually have sex to find out about it.
At the end of the day people sometimes lie out of fear, nefarious intent, or simply change their mind for a myriad of other reasons. This forum over the years has seen an enormous amount of people both men and women, who did all the due diligence only to find that their great communicating partners, were awful sexual mates. Or unilaterally withdrew sex, or sometimes chose not to offer it in any instance at all, following exchanging marital vows. Talk is only as valuable as it is coincident with actual behaviour and actions. Where that talk is not coincident with what actually happens that talk is worthless.
One can have a terrific relationship with a person they have sex with very early, just as much as someone who waits a long time for it.
Who goes into a relationship and how they work together has more to do with success or failure, versus when someone has sex before marriage or whether they live together before hand or not.
Regardless of your hopes, and absent the ability to actually read peoples minds, your husband may have been a liar or not known any better. So there was no guarantee you would have good sex with him, just because you talked about it before hand.
What would you have done if your husband despite his talk, proved to have absolutely no desire to have sex with you. Or was an awful sex-mate who say suffered from erectile dysfunction and or premature ejaculation and was not inclined to do anything about it or to bother offering you some sexual satisfaction?
Trying before you buy is also no guarantee of long term success. That said at the very least it can tell you if your potential long term or even short term sex-mate, works well sexually with you.
Some people prefer to test drive cars before they buy them just in-case the brochure isn't the whole story. While others prefer to leave that out and trust the brochure before they buy. Neither is right or wrong, they're simply different approaches to the same end.
As to whips and chains... Ouch.
What everyone seems to also forget is that differing sex drives or desires don't ever have to be a problem, you don't have to 'feel' like having sex to have sex. If my husband wants sex and I don't, I will do it for him, and the same the other way round. Its about compromise and unselfishness. I made a promise to myself when we married 11 years ago that I would never reject him sexually, and I haven't. No two people will always be exactly the same about everything, we are all different.
I don't think anyone is forgetting anything, most of us here are far from young and are quite experienced, having been around many blocks.
If sex with your partner turned out to be a truly awful experience, that caused you pain and or made your skin crawl, while never getting better. Would you be so enamoured with living up to that 11 year promise of yours?
What happens if you marry a man or woman who seems to have the same sort of sexual needs and desires as you, but later on has an accident or gets ill and cant have sex? What if you do? if that is all your relationship is based on then that marriage/relationship will fall apart. People also change. Some want more sex as they age and some less. You have to adapt and work together on these things and be flexible.
So what happens if life happens?
Most people simply get on with life and keep going when they can.
What you are describing is all perfectly normal. Are you presuming that people who choose to have sex at the beginning of their sexual relationship, think sex is the only important part of an ongoing romantic relationship?
Although my wife and I didn't have casual sex as such when we started, we didn't wait very long and weren't looking for a long term relationship. All we both wanted was some fun and to have sex with each other.
Going back to what happens when someone is ill or injured I'm happy to relate to you some of my experiences with my wife.
Not long after my wife and I had started dating each other and we were having lots of sex, my wife and I were crossing a road after going out on a date where we watched a movie and had some dinner. We were young, both worked in national circulation news media and I was also an Army Reserve infantry NCO who used to be a Regular (full-time professional) soldier.
Anyway back to crossing that road, to cut a long, bloody and broken story short, my now wife got hit by a speeding car. That also severely smashed up two other people at the same time, as it missed hitting me by less than an inch. Anyway after the deathly silence the broken bones, blood glass and all the rest. My wife survived, but you already got that.
As a consequence my wife who had smashed knees because of it, also had a broken face that required cosmetic surgery to repair some of the damage. To this day she still sometimes gets pain in her face because of it and also has a scar on her face from where they put her back together. The thing is at the time we were both enjoying each others company and liking the sex we shared, yet neither of us were considering staying together long term.
Fortunately I was granted family carers leave for which my boss knew I wasn't entitled, in order for me to in the first two weeks to help her go to the toilet, shower, feed her and get her to medical appointments. We weren't having sex then because of what happened to her and neither of us had an issue because of it
So there I was the new boyfriend doing everything I could for her because her very church active, very practicing Catholic (Christian) close family, who lived in the same larger city as her. Would not call her, visit her in hospital or at her home despite being told what happened to her immediately. In fact up until she got hit by that car, my now wife dutifully went down to her mothers place to offer her mother solace and company every weekend I had known her, because her father had died just after I met her.
Outside of being hit by a car I would also often go away for weeks at a time and on some weekends throughout the year while I was still in infantry in the Reserves. So we weren't having sex then and it was fine.
Likewise later when I transferred to Intelligence Corps and started doing full time duties when I was involved with more training, anti terrorism, peace keeping and a middle eastern conflict amongst other things. I would often have to go away for many weeks at a time through many months at a time as well, So again we didn't have sex then and as required we adjusted to it.
Then there was the time when I nearly died (the surgeons thought I was a great teaching tool since as far as they were concerned I should not have survived), because I wasn't treated in a timely manner when I had a burst appendix. While doing an Individual Close Quarter Battle Pistol Course, nice thing about that course was I came home every night. Which saw me end up having to spend around six months in and out of hospital, all while our son was also often in hospital as well because of asthma problems. Again not much sex then either.
Plus there was that time my wife fell down a stairwell at work, because the stairs turned out to be hazardous, so after getting quite a few bits of metal put into one of her legs it took months of physio to get her walking properly again. Likewise for a short time time sex was not on the cards and for a longer time it required some considerable care when it was.
Just because my wife and I feel sex is very important and won't buy without trying. As related above it's pretty clear we (like many other highly sexual people), have no problem adjusting our sex life as required when other things gets in the way.
There are a few things that are a no no for me sexually, such as porn use, but that's why you spend lots of time discussing such things. If a man was a porn user and wasn't prepared to stop, then I would end that relationship and move on.I wouldn't need to have sex with him to know that, in fact you have more time to talk and get to know each other if you DONT have sex at the beginning.
I don't know about you, but I find it's perfectly dandy to sometimes talk while having sex. That said even if you have sex a lot, it's not like you can't fit other things in like the rest of your life and some other talking in-between along the way as well.
Personally I've never lacked for time getting to know someone holistically, while also sharing sex with them.
P.S. All of that said, I think there's nothing wrong with waiting for sex until marriage, because whatever works for you is what you should choose. At the same time though I also feel the same way about not waiting for it.