Sex and dating - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #106 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:06 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
As is funny, kind, honest, caring, fair and respectful.
Please keep in mind that uhtred has a sexless marriage.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #107 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:18 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

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Someone completely misrepresents themselves and you sleep with them anyway?



Yes, work on your own issues before you critique others. You're obviously not ready to date based on your poor decision making.
This covers it.

To reiterate:

The guy was dishonest in his profile and how he described himself. He shows signs of possessiveness, jealousy and if I understand the post correctly, he isn't upfront and honest in person. The sex is terrible.

And yet the Op is here asking if she should give him another chance. Even more surprisingly at least one poster defies logic and common sense and says "yes" as if the guy will suddenly morph into a totally different person.

Might as well bang some homeless guy in a back alley odds are he'd be a better choice.
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post #108 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:31 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

Its quite a situation. I've stayed with smart and interesting...and someone I love but almost no sex rather that leave. Is it the right choice for me or for anyone else - I can't say.

Interestingly my wife by herself last week decided that we needed to improve our sex life. There has been an uptick - but I won't believe anything until it lasts a while (this has happened before).

If I were in a position to be dating again, good sex would be one of the requirements).



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Smart and interesting but NO SEX or only crappy sex are NOT better than no marriage. Sorry.

The marriage you describe would be complete misery to me. I could not sit across from someone I love and who supposedly loves me, and engage in interesting, smart discussion, all the while knowing they will never, ever EVER communicate with me about sex nor engage in sex with me (as you have said your wife no longer does anything but give you a HJ once a month).

I appreciate that you love her....but it really isn't supposed to be that way. The fact that you are kind of a martyr to your own marriage just makes the whole thing sad and wrong.
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post #109 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:36 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

In hindsight there were plenty of signs that my wife was LD, but I didn't recognize them. I don't know if talking is enough - it would certainly be a big help.

You are generous enough, and "wired" in the right way so that if you husband wants sex and you aren't in the mood, you will do it anyway. For some people it seems that sex that they don't want is an awful experience, and something they are not willing to do. Having never been in the position of actively not wanting sex, I can't really understand it, but I believe it exists.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that a relationship be based only on sex, just that it is a critical piece.

For me, the question of injury / illness is different. The active rejection is much more of a problem than the lack of sex itself. But that is just me.


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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
That's why you talk about it before you committ. That's why you spend lots of time communicating and getting to know each other. We both knew a lot about each others views and ideas on sex before we married, despite not having sex togather. We are not the 'missionary only' type people at all, we have a very varied sex life, neither are we the 'whips and chains' type people, we fall some where in the middle I guess, but you don't need to actually have sex to find out about it.

What everyone seems to also forget is that differing sex drives or desires don't ever have to be a problem, you don't have to 'feel' like having sex to have sex. If my husband wants sex and I don't, I will do it for him, and the same the other way round. Its about compromise and unselfishness. I made a promise to myself when we married 11 years ago that I would never reject him sexually, and I haven't. No two people will always be exactly the same about everything, we are all different.

What happens if you marry a man or woman who seems to have the same sort of sexual needs and desires as you, but later on has an accident or gets ill and cant have sex? What if you do? if that is all your relationship is based on then that marriage/relationship will fall apart. People also change. Some want more sex as they age and some less. You have to adapt and work together on these things and be flexible.

There are a few things that are a no no for me sexually, such as porn use, but that's why you spend lots of time discussing such things. If a man was a porn user and wasn't prepared to stop, then I would end that relationship and move on.I wouldn't need to have sex with him to know that, in fact you have more time to talk and get to know each other if you DONT have sex at the beginning. .
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post #110 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 01:55 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
That's why you talk about it before you committ. That's why you spend lots of time communicating and getting to know each other. We both knew a lot about each others views and ideas on sex before we married, despite not having sex togather. We are not the 'missionary only' type people at all, we have a very varied sex life, neither are we the 'whips and chains' type people, we fall some where in the middle I guess, but you don't need to actually have sex to find out about it.
At the end of the day people sometimes lie out of fear, nefarious intent, or simply change their mind for a myriad of other reasons. This forum over the years has seen an enormous amount of people both men and women, who did all the due diligence only to find that their great communicating partners, were awful sexual mates. Or unilaterally withdrew sex, or sometimes chose not to offer it in any instance at all, following exchanging marital vows. Talk is only as valuable as it is coincident with actual behaviour and actions. Where that talk is not coincident with what actually happens that talk is worthless.

One can have a terrific relationship with a person they have sex with very early, just as much as someone who waits a long time for it.

Who goes into a relationship and how they work together has more to do with success or failure, versus when someone has sex before marriage or whether they live together before hand or not.

Regardless of your hopes, and absent the ability to actually read peoples minds, your husband may have been a liar or not known any better. So there was no guarantee you would have good sex with him, just because you talked about it before hand.

What would you have done if your husband despite his talk, proved to have absolutely no desire to have sex with you. Or was an awful sex-mate who say suffered from erectile dysfunction and or premature ejaculation and was not inclined to do anything about it or to bother offering you some sexual satisfaction?

Trying before you buy is also no guarantee of long term success. That said at the very least it can tell you if your potential long term or even short term sex-mate, works well sexually with you.

Some people prefer to test drive cars before they buy them just in-case the brochure isn't the whole story. While others prefer to leave that out and trust the brochure before they buy. Neither is right or wrong, they're simply different approaches to the same end.

As to whips and chains... Ouch.

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
What everyone seems to also forget is that differing sex drives or desires don't ever have to be a problem, you don't have to 'feel' like having sex to have sex. If my husband wants sex and I don't, I will do it for him, and the same the other way round. Its about compromise and unselfishness. I made a promise to myself when we married 11 years ago that I would never reject him sexually, and I haven't. No two people will always be exactly the same about everything, we are all different.
I don't think anyone is forgetting anything, most of us here are far from young and are quite experienced, having been around many blocks.

If sex with your partner turned out to be a truly awful experience, that caused you pain and or made your skin crawl, while never getting better. Would you be so enamoured with living up to that 11 year promise of yours?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
What happens if you marry a man or woman who seems to have the same sort of sexual needs and desires as you, but later on has an accident or gets ill and cant have sex? What if you do? if that is all your relationship is based on then that marriage/relationship will fall apart. People also change. Some want more sex as they age and some less. You have to adapt and work together on these things and be flexible.
So what happens if life happens?

Most people simply get on with life and keep going when they can.

What you are describing is all perfectly normal. Are you presuming that people who choose to have sex at the beginning of their sexual relationship, think sex is the only important part of an ongoing romantic relationship?

Although my wife and I didn't have casual sex as such when we started, we didn't wait very long and weren't looking for a long term relationship. All we both wanted was some fun and to have sex with each other.

Going back to what happens when someone is ill or injured I'm happy to relate to you some of my experiences with my wife.

Not long after my wife and I had started dating each other and we were having lots of sex, my wife and I were crossing a road after going out on a date where we watched a movie and had some dinner. We were young, both worked in national circulation news media and I was also an Army Reserve infantry NCO who used to be a Regular (full-time professional) soldier.

Anyway back to crossing that road, to cut a long, bloody and broken story short, my now wife got hit by a speeding car. That also severely smashed up two other people at the same time, as it missed hitting me by less than an inch. Anyway after the deathly silence the broken bones, blood glass and all the rest. My wife survived, but you already got that.

As a consequence my wife who had smashed knees because of it, also had a broken face that required cosmetic surgery to repair some of the damage. To this day she still sometimes gets pain in her face because of it and also has a scar on her face from where they put her back together. The thing is at the time we were both enjoying each others company and liking the sex we shared, yet neither of us were considering staying together long term.

Fortunately I was granted family carers leave for which my boss knew I wasn't entitled, in order for me to in the first two weeks to help her go to the toilet, shower, feed her and get her to medical appointments. We weren't having sex then because of what happened to her and neither of us had an issue because of it

So there I was the new boyfriend doing everything I could for her because her very church active, very practicing Catholic (Christian) close family, who lived in the same larger city as her. Would not call her, visit her in hospital or at her home despite being told what happened to her immediately. In fact up until she got hit by that car, my now wife dutifully went down to her mothers place to offer her mother solace and company every weekend I had known her, because her father had died just after I met her.

Outside of being hit by a car I would also often go away for weeks at a time and on some weekends throughout the year while I was still in infantry in the Reserves. So we weren't having sex then and it was fine.

Likewise later when I transferred to Intelligence Corps and started doing full time duties when I was involved with more training, anti terrorism, peace keeping and a middle eastern conflict amongst other things. I would often have to go away for many weeks at a time through many months at a time as well, So again we didn't have sex then and as required we adjusted to it.

Then there was the time when I nearly died (the surgeons thought I was a great teaching tool since as far as they were concerned I should not have survived), because I wasn't treated in a timely manner when I had a burst appendix. While doing an Individual Close Quarter Battle Pistol Course, nice thing about that course was I came home every night. Which saw me end up having to spend around six months in and out of hospital, all while our son was also often in hospital as well because of asthma problems. Again not much sex then either.

Plus there was that time my wife fell down a stairwell at work, because the stairs turned out to be hazardous, so after getting quite a few bits of metal put into one of her legs it took months of physio to get her walking properly again. Likewise for a short time time sex was not on the cards and for a longer time it required some considerable care when it was.

Just because my wife and I feel sex is very important and won't buy without trying. As related above it's pretty clear we (like many other highly sexual people), have no problem adjusting our sex life as required when other things gets in the way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
There are a few things that are a no no for me sexually, such as porn use, but that's why you spend lots of time discussing such things. If a man was a porn user and wasn't prepared to stop, then I would end that relationship and move on.I wouldn't need to have sex with him to know that, in fact you have more time to talk and get to know each other if you DONT have sex at the beginning.
I don't know about you, but I find it's perfectly dandy to sometimes talk while having sex. That said even if you have sex a lot, it's not like you can't fit other things in like the rest of your life and some other talking in-between along the way as well.

Personally I've never lacked for time getting to know someone holistically, while also sharing sex with them.

P.S. All of that said, I think there's nothing wrong with waiting for sex until marriage, because whatever works for you is what you should choose. At the same time though I also feel the same way about not waiting for it.

Last edited by Personal; 01-29-2017 at 03:59 AM.
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post #111 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 01:56 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

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Smart and interesting is more important than sex. That's why I'm still married.
You really don't have to accept those things to the exclusion of the other.

My wife and I share smart and interesting with lots of sex as well.

That's one of the reasons why we're still married.

Last edited by Personal; 01-29-2017 at 04:13 AM.
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post #112 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 09:35 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

OP,

You either have some positive regard for him or you do not.

If it is sufficient to invest a bit more time with him, then why not be direct? As in:

"I was thinking, when we were chatting before we met in person, it seems like words flowed more easily from you. Then in person, I sense some hesitation, uncomfortableness. Why do you suppose that is?"

"I was a bit surprised by all those questions about my past relationships. What motivates you to ask those questions, are you looking to avoid certain kinds of situations? What are they, and maybe I can tell you upfront here what the risks of them developing would be."


I have dated very little, and that was 25 years ago. So, take this with a grain of salt. I'd agree dating is the ideal time and place to get to learn about someone. I think if is a big mistake to ignore your spidy sense and hang on for us awhile longer if you are not the sort of person who can easily make a clean break once decided.

Just as important, dating is an opportunity to ask questions about your own motivations, feelings, and behavior. You say sex doesn't cause bonding in you. OK. But, what about spending time with someone that is "not that bad" or "sort of interesting"? What I get at is if I take your posts here at face value, dumping him seems like a no brainer, yet you are here seeming to me to be a bit indecisive? Why is that? (Questions are for you to ask yourself. Not trying to be accusatory or nosy.)

IME, when an experience is just blah, it could be because of the "other", something else, or something inside of me. Or some combination. You seem certain it was all him -- his deficiencies as a lover or incompatibilities. Yet, maybe there is a bit of fear (justified or misleading) causing you to hold yourself back from the experience, and rather just be all your wildest and freeest in-the-moment sexual self, you were too outside yourself or too inside your head and he couldn't ignore it at some level and affected him and his "performance".

I'm not at all saying that is what happened. I'm just saying whatever your decisions about the other would be don't forget to introspect and look for ways you might be distracting yourself (and, yes, be thoughtful but be guiltless and critical of potential mates when it comes to compatability and what you want and need).

Just a thought or two.

"We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." -- Amy, from Spike Jonze's "Her"
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post #113 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
That happens in many marriages where the people had sex early on as well. I read the other day that marriages where the people lived together/had sex before marriage, are more likely to end in divorce than those where they didn't do those things, so it clearly doesn't follow that having sex early will leads to a better marriage.
Correct.

So I don't understand why you think your prescription is going to work any better. The data you have suggesting it always/often(?) succeeds is really limited, isn't it? If it fails ever, that's important to be conscious of.

The problem is that marital bliss is complicated. "Good men" and "good women" are not sufficient to create a happy relationship. A good start to a marriage is no guarantee either -- things change, over years, sometimes cruely so it would almost seem.

The only prescription I'd feel comfortable pushing on someone is: whatever you and your partner are doing as you approach longer commitments pay attention, be ruthlessly honest about and with both your partner and yourself. And, if anyone claims they've got it all figured out and suggests their way is the only way, ask yourself how broad their life experiences have been and why it might be they hold their position so strongly and without much room for doubt. That might help answer the question of how useful their ideas are going to be for you. They might be, they might not.

IME, btw, TAM is full of the might nots.

"We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." -- Amy, from Spike Jonze's "Her"
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post #114 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 11:27 AM
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Sex and dating

Well one more data point about my good relationship -we were / are total opposites in many ways, but dated 6 years and didn't live together until we were married. We are not nearly the same sexually - I am HD and very free and she's a nice Catholic girl. So we have differences but we took the time to understand them and see what worked and what didn't as well as understanding what we could live with.

I think as a result, we went in with eyes wide open and we both knew we'd have to - and wanted to - accommodate each other where we differed.

So to me - even sexual incompatibility - as long as there is attraction and sexual enjoyment - can be worked through on an ongoing basis through a partnership. After all, my needs change over time as do hers, so locking in ones needs at the start in no way guarantees long term success.


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post #115 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 12:02 PM
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Re: Sex and dating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Personal View Post
At the end of the day people sometimes lie out of fear, nefarious intent, or simply change their mind for a myriad of other reasons. This forum over the years has seen an enormous amount of people both men and women, who did all the due diligence only to find that their great communicating partners, were awful sexual mates. Or unilaterally withdrew sex, or sometimes chose not to offer it in any instance at all, following exchanging marital vows. Talk is only as valuable as it is coincident with actual behaviour and actions. Where that talk is not coincident with what actually happens that talk is worthless.

One can have a terrific relationship with a person they have sex with very early, just as much as someone who waits a long time for it.

Who goes into a relationship and how they work together has more to do with success or failure, versus when someone has sex before marriage or whether they live together before hand or not.

Regardless of your hopes, and absent the ability to actually read peoples minds, your husband may have been a liar or not known any better. So there was no guarantee you would have good sex with him, just because you talked about it before hand.

What would you have done if your husband despite his talk, proved to have absolutely no desire to have sex with you. Or was an awful sex-mate who say suffered from erectile dysfunction and or premature ejaculation and was not inclined to do anything about it or to bother offering you some sexual satisfaction?

Trying before you buy is also no guarantee of long term success. That said at the very least it can tell you if your potential long term or even short term sex-mate, works well sexually with you.

Some people prefer to test drive cars before they buy them just in-case the brochure isn't the whole story. While others prefer to leave that out and trust the brochure before they buy. Neither is right or wrong, they're simply different approaches to the same end.

As to whips and chains... Ouch.



I don't think anyone is forgetting anything, most of us here are far from young and are quite experienced, having been around many blocks.

If sex with your partner turned out to be a truly awful experience, that caused you pain and or made your skin crawl, while never getting better. Would you be so enamoured with living up to that 11 year promise of yours?



So what happens if life happens?

Most people simply get on with life and keep going when they can.

What you are describing is all perfectly normal. Are you presuming that people who choose to have sex at the beginning of their sexual relationship, think sex is the only important part of an ongoing romantic relationship?

Although my wife and I didn't have casual sex as such when we started, we didn't wait very long and weren't looking for a long term relationship. All we both wanted was some fun and to have sex with each other.

Going back to what happens when someone is ill or injured I'm happy to relate to you some of my experiences with my wife.

Not long after my wife and I had started dating each other and we were having lots of sex, my wife and I were crossing a road after going out on a date where we watched a movie and had some dinner. We were young, both worked in national circulation news media and I was also an Army Reserve infantry NCO who used to be a Regular (full-time professional) soldier.

Anyway back to crossing that road, to cut a long, bloody and broken story short, my now wife got hit by a speeding car. That also severely smashed up two other people at the same time, as it missed hitting me by less than an inch. Anyway after the deathly silence the broken bones, blood glass and all the rest. My wife survived, but you already got that.

As a consequence my wife who had smashed knees because of it, also had a broken face that required cosmetic surgery to repair some of the damage. To this day she still sometimes gets pain in her face because of it and also has a scar on her face from where they put her back together. The thing is at the time we were both enjoying each others company and liking the sex we shared, yet neither of us were considering staying together long term.

Fortunately I was granted family carers leave for which my boss knew I wasn't entitled, in order for me to in the first two weeks to help her go to the toilet, shower, feed her and get her to medical appointments. We weren't having sex then because of what happened to her and neither of us had an issue because of it

So there I was the new boyfriend doing everything I could for her because her very church active, very practicing Catholic (Christian) close family, who lived in the same larger city as her. Would not call her, visit her in hospital or at her home despite being told what happened to her immediately. In fact up until she got hit by that car, my now wife dutifully went down to her mothers place to offer her mother solace and company every weekend I had known her, because her father had died just after I met her.

Outside of being hit by a car I would also often go away for weeks at a time and on some weekends throughout the year while I was still in infantry in the Reserves. So we weren't having sex then and it was fine.

Likewise later when I transferred to Intelligence Corps and started doing full time duties when I was involved with more training, anti terrorism, peace keeping and a middle eastern conflict amongst other things. I would often have to go away for many weeks at a time through many months at a time as well, So again we didn't have sex then and as required we adjusted to it.

Then there was the time when I nearly died (the surgeons thought I was a great teaching tool since as far as they were concerned I should not have survived), because I wasn't treated in a timely manner when I had a burst appendix. While doing an Individual Close Quarter Battle Pistol Course, nice thing about that course was I came home every night. Which saw me end up having to spend around six months in and out of hospital, all while our son was also often in hospital as well because of asthma problems. Again not much sex then either.

Plus there was that time my wife fell down a stairwell at work, because the stairs turned out to be hazardous, so after getting quite a few bits of metal put into one of her legs it took months of physio to get her walking properly again. Likewise for a short time time sex was not on the cards and for a longer time it required some considerable care when it was.

Just because my wife and I feel sex is very important and won't buy without trying. As related above it's pretty clear we (like many other highly sexual people), have no problem adjusting our sex life as required when other things gets in the way.



I don't know about you, but I find it's perfectly dandy to sometimes talk while having sex. That said even if you have sex a lot, it's not like you can't fit other things in like the rest of your life and some other talking in-between along the way as well.

Personally I've never lacked for time getting to know someone holistically, while also sharing sex with them.

P.S. All of that said, I think there's nothing wrong with waiting for sex until marriage, because whatever works for you is what you should choose. At the same time though I also feel the same way about not waiting for it.
Wow, brother.

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post #116 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 04:30 PM
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Re: Sex and dating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Personal View Post
At the end of the day people sometimes lie out of fear, nefarious intent, or simply change their mind for a myriad of other reasons. This forum over the years has seen an enormous amount of people both men and women, who did all the due diligence only to find that their great communicating partners, were awful sexual mates. Or unilaterally withdrew sex, or sometimes chose not to offer it in any instance at all, following exchanging marital vows. Talk is only as valuable as it is coincident with actual behaviour and actions. Where that talk is not coincident with what actually happens that talk is worthless.

One can have a terrific relationship with a person they have sex with very early, just as much as someone who waits a long time for it.

Who goes into a relationship and how they work together has more to do with success or failure, versus when someone has sex before marriage or whether they live together before hand or not.

Regardless of your hopes, and absent the ability to actually read peoples minds, your husband may have been a liar or not known any better. So there was no guarantee you would have good sex with him, just because you talked about it before hand.

What would you have done if your husband despite his talk, proved to have absolutely no desire to have sex with you. Or was an awful sex-mate who say suffered from erectile dysfunction and or premature ejaculation and was not inclined to do anything about it or to bother offering you some sexual satisfaction?

Trying before you buy is also no guarantee of long term success. That said at the very least it can tell you if your potential long term or even short term sex-mate, works well sexually with you.

Some people prefer to test drive cars before they buy them just in-case the brochure isn't the whole story. While others prefer to leave that out and trust the brochure before they buy. Neither is right or wrong, they're simply different approaches to the same end.

As to whips and chains... Ouch.



I don't think anyone is forgetting anything, most of us here are far from young and are quite experienced, having been around many blocks.

If sex with your partner turned out to be a truly awful experience, that caused you pain and or made your skin crawl, while never getting better. Would you be so enamoured with living up to that 11 year promise of yours?



So what happens if life happens?

Most people simply get on with life and keep going when they can.

What you are describing is all perfectly normal. Are you presuming that people who choose to have sex at the beginning of their sexual relationship, think sex is the only important part of an ongoing romantic relationship?

Although my wife and I didn't have casual sex as such when we started, we didn't wait very long and weren't looking for a long term relationship. All we both wanted was some fun and to have sex with each other.

Going back to what happens when someone is ill or injured I'm happy to relate to you some of my experiences with my wife.

Not long after my wife and I had started dating each other and we were having lots of sex, my wife and I were crossing a road after going out on a date where we watched a movie and had some dinner. We were young, both worked in national circulation news media and I was also an Army Reserve infantry NCO who used to be a Regular (full-time professional) soldier.

Anyway back to crossing that road, to cut a long, bloody and broken story short, my now wife got hit by a speeding car. That also severely smashed up two other people at the same time, as it missed hitting me by less than an inch. Anyway after the deathly silence the broken bones, blood glass and all the rest. My wife survived, but you already got that.

As a consequence my wife who had smashed knees because of it, also had a broken face that required cosmetic surgery to repair some of the damage. To this day she still sometimes gets pain in her face because of it and also has a scar on her face from where they put her back together. The thing is at the time we were both enjoying each others company and liking the sex we shared, yet neither of us were considering staying together long term.

Fortunately I was granted family carers leave for which my boss knew I wasn't entitled, in order for me to in the first two weeks to help her go to the toilet, shower, feed her and get her to medical appointments. We weren't having sex then because of what happened to her and neither of us had an issue because of it

So there I was the new boyfriend doing everything I could for her because her very church active, very practicing Catholic (Christian) close family, who lived in the same larger city as her. Would not call her, visit her in hospital or at her home despite being told what happened to her immediately. In fact up until she got hit by that car, my now wife dutifully went down to her mothers place to offer her mother solace and company every weekend I had known her, because her father had died just after I met her.

Outside of being hit by a car I would also often go away for weeks at a time and on some weekends throughout the year while I was still in infantry in the Reserves. So we weren't having sex then and it was fine.

Likewise later when I transferred to Intelligence Corps and started doing full time duties when I was involved with more training, anti terrorism, peace keeping and a middle eastern conflict amongst other things. I would often have to go away for many weeks at a time through many months at a time as well, So again we didn't have sex then and as required we adjusted to it.

Then there was the time when I nearly died (the surgeons thought I was a great teaching tool since as far as they were concerned I should not have survived), because I wasn't treated in a timely manner when I had a burst appendix. While doing an Individual Close Quarter Battle Pistol Course, nice thing about that course was I came home every night. Which saw me end up having to spend around six months in and out of hospital, all while our son was also often in hospital as well because of asthma problems. Again not much sex then either.

Plus there was that time my wife fell down a stairwell at work, because the stairs turned out to be hazardous, so after getting quite a few bits of metal put into one of her legs it took months of physio to get her walking properly again. Likewise for a short time time sex was not on the cards and for a longer time it required some considerable care when it was.

Just because my wife and I feel sex is very important and won't buy without trying. As related above it's pretty clear we (like many other highly sexual people), have no problem adjusting our sex life as required when other things gets in the way.



I don't know about you, but I find it's perfectly dandy to sometimes talk while having sex. That said even if you have sex a lot, it's not like you can't fit other things in like the rest of your life and some other talking in-between along the way as well.

Personally I've never lacked for time getting to know someone holistically, while also sharing sex with them.

P.S. All of that said, I think there's nothing wrong with waiting for sex until marriage, because whatever works for you is what you should choose. At the same time though I also feel the same way about not waiting for it.
With my husband I just knew he was right for me. We had both been married before, and the sex with his ex was a big disappointment to him so I know that he was interested. To me my faith comes first, God says not have sex outside marriage, so I wouldn't be interested in a guy who wanted that anyway. I was also very sure he was Gods choice for me, so I trusted Him that things would work out.
He had never had sex outside marriage, I loved him for that and find a moral guy very attractive and appealing. He is a rare man. We really enjoy sex together, its something you learn together and work at together, but even if it stopped for whatever reason, I would never end the marriage, he and my marriage are far too important to me, and marriage is so much more than sex no matter how good.
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post #117 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:55 PM
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Re: Sex and dating

Don't settle! Why deal with the same issues over again. It's not worth it. That's why ex's are ex's

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post #118 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 12:39 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
With my husband I just knew he was right for me. We had both been married before, and the sex with his ex was a big disappointment to him so I know that he was interested. To me my faith comes first, God says not have sex outside marriage, so I wouldn't be interested in a guy who wanted that anyway. I was also very sure he was Gods choice for me, so I trusted Him that things would work out.
He had never had sex outside marriage, I loved him for that and find a moral guy very attractive and appealing. He is a rare man. We really enjoy sex together, its something you learn together and work at together, but even if it stopped for whatever reason, I would never end the marriage, he and my marriage are far too important to me, and marriage is so much more than sex no matter how good.
I think your story is a testament to how we really can attract what we expect and believe.

Your beliefs are strong convictions and you have attracted exactly what you believed and wanted. I love your story.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #119 of 119 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:52 AM
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Re: Sex and dating

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I think your story is a testament to how we really can attract what we expect and believe.

Your beliefs are strong convictions and you have attracted exactly what you believed and wanted. I love your story.
Thank you.

Our lives also show that God gives us fresh starts and new beginnings, and that He restores what we have lost.
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