Porn over sex - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
Never would although I do have a few friends who do and its usually because they are not open enough with wives to say what they really want.


Believe me, it has nothing to do with what their wives may or may not do. Porn addiction has nothing to do with sex. The wife can offer herswlf daily, but if he's addicted to porn, porn is what he is going to turn to. Take it from someone that has been there.


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post #62 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 06:58 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

That can be true. It is also possible that someone will at first turn to porn because they are being rejected at home, and then they can become dependent, even if their partner stops rejecting them.

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Believe me, it has nothing to do with what their wives may or may not do. Porn addiction has nothing to do with sex. The wife can offer herswlf daily, but if he's addicted to porn, porn is what he is going to turn to. Take it from someone that has been there.


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post #63 of 77 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:47 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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That can be true. It is also possible that someone will at first turn to porn because they are being rejected at home, and then they can become dependent, even if their partner stops rejecting them.


I guess it can be true but usually, men are exposed to porn at a young age and are thpically addicted before marriage and relationships, thus the woman is not responsible for their addiction. Actually, a woman (or husband) is never responsible for their spouse's addiction. You and only you are responsible for what you turn to.


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post #64 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 07:24 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

Fear of rejection
Preformance anxiety
Lazy
Selfish
Loss of attraction
Resentful

I love average looking women only if they have desire for me!
When i watch its amature porn .

But if i had a desires partner i WOULD NEVER WATCH PORN AGAIN. ........unless she wanted to watch it with me
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post #65 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Porn over sex

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That's not what I'm saying at all.

If she takes care of herself, gym, diet, she will be in good shape.
If she has a healthy, high, adventurous sex drive, we would be doing similar things that are done in porn. No need for porn.
If she dresses sexy, so I look and say, hmmm hmmm good, no need or porn or looking at the ladies.

Being in good shape is not a super model.
Having great adventurous sex doesn't mean porn actress.
Dressing to seduce her man, doesn't mean looking like a super model.

That's what I meant.
Great response to this thread.

I'm in this situation now and have relied on porn because my wife is not adventurous enough or will not dress sexy behind closed doors. She's in great shape but the lack of the other characteristics just ruins it.

OP if you do go the therapy route I'll forwarn you that both of you must be willing to go. My wife and I went and nothing changed but my bank account paying for the therapist (we've been to two different ones)

She would sit in these sessions and say things will change, but it never did. So I've learned to just have a boring sex life without porn.







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post #66 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by Mollymolz View Post
Here's a question for the boys. Why would you chose porn over your wife when she's home and willing?

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I would prefer making porn with my wife. Best of both worlds.


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post #67 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 10:14 AM
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Porn over sex

Otherwise it could be many reasons. Convenience, need for variety (sometimes it can be refreshing to come in a different way). I think i would only really worry if porn was always chosen to the exclusion of you. A few times here and there I don't think should be an issue.
I can completely understand you being baffled about it though.
Numbing emotional pain is interesting. I haven't noticed it was doing that particularly (when I was in pain and then masturbated to porn). Sometimes it helps with falling asleep but would still be bit depressed afterwards though.


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post #68 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 08:04 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
The combination of porn, masturbation, and orgasm (sometimes referred to as PMO) can be a rather addictive experience. The male sexual response is much different than that for females based on everything I have read.

In my post earlier, I would choose porn NOT because I was desperate to have sex, but because I was in pain. PMO for a male can be as powerful as taking a valium! The side effects will numb any emotional pain.

So in a situation if your husband was in emotional pain for whatever reason, and just wanted to use PMO to numb himself, that is not exactly a healthy reason to ask your wife for sex. Perhaps it is, but I do not see it being very pretty as in, "just shut up and fück my brains out so I can get some sleep, OK?"

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Interesting, I never knew this
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post #69 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 10:28 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

Porn is like crack cocaine. You can get a different woman, different situation, more excitement than real sex. Check out sites that deal with the whole "no fap" thing. there are young dudes out there unable to keep an erection with PIV sex because they have used porn so much. There is a phrase, PED (porn erectile dysfunction).

A willing wife is work. Foreplay, timing, then sex, except the vagina is not going to provide the same stimulation and intensity as a hand. Heck, there are young hard bodied stereotypical hotties who are having young virile men going soft.

Porn is like crack. A willing wife is not. it is kinda oxymoronic actually. You watch someone else have sex so you can play with yourself instead of having actual sex yourself. Cocaine is a hell of a drug and so is porn.
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post #70 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:17 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

Read an article recently that stated in a recent study of millennials, they are having less sex than the baby boomer generation, which is my generation. The reasons given were easy access to porn. It is much easier to watch porn and masturbate than to shower, shave and wear good clothes only to get rejected over and over again. Even if you get a date, there may still be no sex for weeks to come. Much, much easier to find something that arouses you online and masturbate to it.

Another reason was that millennials are more job focused and stressed out by modern living. More wives have careers than they did in my generation, when most wives did not work. I learned about sex the right way, from ill informed friends on the street. I had nothing to fantasize about. If I was horny I had to go out and meet girls and that is what I have done since I was 11. My first date was in first grade. I like girls, what can I say.

I did not look at porn until just 5 years ago after being married for 39 years. It is not due to being computer illiterate since I run a national network and teach others how to use computers. I did not look at porn because I was getting a lot of sex in my real life. Then we moved away from our girlfriend of 30 years and it was just me and my wife. Due to age and medical problems we went from threesomes most nights to just couple sex and limited couple sex at that. I started to watch porn because my libido was still high, but after menopause, my wife's libido did not match mine.

The problems started when she was in the mood for sex and I had already masturbated to porn a few times. It was just easier to do that then to shower and shave before getting into bed with a wife who cannot/does not like, intercourse and has not had it with me for longer than we can remember. I essentially was getting from her what I could do easier myself. When masturbation got out of hand, pardon the pun, I suggested a fetish called teasing and denial and that is what we are into now.

I have also read that many men do exactly as I did, prefer porn to sex with their wives. I happen to be lucky in that my wife is willing to try anything once but many guys are into fetishes that their wife will not try. Just read all the posts on sex related forums to see what I mean. Why have sex with your wife when you can watch any kind of sex act that arouses you and masturbate to it. Some wives are into plain vanilla sex. A kink is something you want to do but a fetish is something that you have to do. If you do not feed your fetish it will gnaw at you until you do. You will resent your wife for not engaging in your fetish. The other problem is that after watching porn you need more and more extreme stuff to get aroused. I have been there and I have done a lot of extreme stuff since I was 19.

So there you have it. Many men do prefer porn to sex with the person they have already had sex with for a thousand times, doing the same things over and over again.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-20-2017 at 02:54 PM.
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post #71 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:32 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
I'll be almost too honest with my answer here as this used to be how I would behave a long time ago.

I would try to initiate sex with my wife, but I could tell she was not really in the mood. She would offer to let me have sex with her, but explained that I would just need to be quick and not take too long if I really needed to. At the time that would really hurt my feelings because I felt as if she had predetermined that she was not even going to try and enjoy intimacy with me, and I desperately wanted it to be a shared experience.

So there I was desperate to have sex with my wife, she was home and willing, but instead I would turn her down and go watch porn instead.

Can't tell you how many times that used to happen!

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post #72 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:03 AM
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Re: Porn over sex

Molly,

There are two completely different types of debate about porn.

The first - whether or not it is a bad thing in marriage even when it doesn't interfere with a partners desire for a certain level of frequency. In this situation, porn is acts as an 'overflow' valve, not a replacement for marital sex.

Folks have strong feelings about this in both directions - and there isn't a conclusive logical argument in either direction despite the fact that folks on both sides claim to have the high ground.

The second is entirely different and pertains to the situation where porn is a replacement for marital sex. I have never seen anyone argue that this is acceptable behavior. Replacing your physical connection with a partner, with an LCD screen or vibrator is a type of infidelity. In a way it is cheating because you are choosing to have sex with yourself instead of the person you are with. In simplest terms, it shows that you love yourself a LOT more than your partner....



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Here's a question for the boys. Why would you chose porn over your wife when she's home and willing?

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post #73 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:22 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

I can only comment on this topic about my experience. I love my wife and I would never want to hurt her, exchange her or in any other way jeopardize my relationship with her. And I think that our relationship is great we communicate about everything even about me watching porn (which she is against). Furthermore I would say that I don't choose porn over sex but more that I am unsatisfied with our sex and the "thing" that is missing is found in porn.

This got me thinking, what exactly is that "thing". I have an analogy to explain my train of thought. My love language is "physical touch" and her's is "acts of service" (if you don't know what that means look it up it's rather cool to know) I asked her if she feels loved when she is performing an act of service or if she is receiving the act of service. Her answer was receiving (when she is performing an act of service she is showing love). The same goes for me, i feel loved when she touches me not when I touch her (even tho it's very pleasurable). Because when I touch her, it's me showing her in my love language that I love her. how is this relevant? It's because in our sex life I am the one initiating sex as well as controlling it (not by choice but because she just wont do it) she likes to layback and do nothing during sex which is not satisfying my need for touch. Is she willing to have sex? Yes. And Yes we have sex and we both came and it felt good but I did not feel loved. Allowing me to have sex or wanting me to have sex with her are 2 different things for me.

If you think about the way girls act in porn is contrary to the behaviour of my wife. In porn it seems like the girl wants sex that she is horny and wants to please and pleasure the guy and also be pleased and pleasured by the guy.

And even if that is unrealistic to expect, that is at least what I ache for. I can fantasize about that in porn, (not to replace my wife but fantasizing my wife doing that to me.) That being said, I mentioned that she don't like it if I watch porn and I did stop and now am "porn free" for almost 1 year. I love her and am not just an male animal that is addicted to porn or sex.
Which I don't deny that porn is addictive and for me it was easier to quit smoking than to quit porn.
Sorry I got longwinded but I want to fix this in my relationship somehow and that something i don't have an answer for.
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post #74 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:28 PM
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Porn over sex

I guess what I am trying to say is, talk to him. If he feels like i do and if you are willing/ want sex maybe that's the fix?

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post #75 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:34 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

Not a chance. Even with my favorite stroker I would choose my wife for so many reasons.
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