Porn over sex - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #76 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

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Originally Posted by mjk101 View Post
I can only comment on this topic about my experience. I love my wife and I would never want to hurt her, exchange her or in any other way jeopardize my relationship with her. And I think that our relationship is great we communicate about everything even about me watching porn (which she is against). Furthermore I would say that I don't choose porn over sex but more that I am unsatisfied with our sex and the "thing" that is missing is found in porn.

This got me thinking, what exactly is that "thing". I have an analogy to explain my train of thought. My love language is "physical touch" and her's is "acts of service" (if you don't know what that means look it up it's rather cool to know) I asked her if she feels loved when she is performing an act of service or if she is receiving the act of service. Her answer was receiving (when she is performing an act of service she is showing love). The same goes for me, i feel loved when she touches me not when I touch her (even tho it's very pleasurable). Because when I touch her, it's me showing her in my love language that I love her. how is this relevant? It's because in our sex life I am the one initiating sex as well as controlling it (not by choice but because she just wont do it) she likes to layback and do nothing during sex which is not satisfying my need for touch. Is she willing to have sex? Yes. And Yes we have sex and we both came and it felt good but I did not feel loved. Allowing me to have sex or wanting me to have sex with her are 2 different things for me.

If you think about the way girls act in porn is contrary to the behaviour of my wife. In porn it seems like the girl wants sex that she is horny and wants to please and pleasure the guy and also be pleased and pleasured by the guy.

And even if that is unrealistic to expect, that is at least what I ache for. I can fantasize about that in porn, (not to replace my wife but fantasizing my wife doing that to me.) That being said, I mentioned that she don't like it if I watch porn and I did stop and now am "porn free" for almost 1 year. I love her and am not just an male animal that is addicted to porn or sex.
Which I don't deny that porn is addictive and for me it was easier to quit smoking than to quit porn.
Sorry I got longwinded but I want to fix this in my relationship somehow and that something i don't have an answer for.
Great post!

This is my wife all the way. Enjoys the sex once we get started, but she just likes to go through the motions. She doesn't understand the please and pleasure aspect.

Good for you quitting porn. I dabble when I'm not satisfied (once in a while).

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using Tapatalk

Last edited by Juice; 03-20-2017 at 03:18 PM.
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post #77 of 77 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:58 PM
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Re: Porn over sex

There are a lot of reasons why a man would choose porn over his wife, who is willing. First, he may not want to get her pregnant, he may not want to deal with the other person, he may not want to spend the time satisfying her, or sex with her may be generally disappointing, (maybe she sounds like a Hyena or something).

A similar question, "Why does he make himself a sandwich when I am willing to make him one?" Because you don't do it right, because you ask too many questions, because you insist on the healthy whole wheat bread, because you skimp on the mayo.....
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